Over the last several years, study after study has talked about the rise of loneliness and isolation. In 2018, almost 50% of Americans said they sometimes or always felt alone. In the last year, 1 in 3 Americans says they face serious loneliness. This is across the board in terms of ages, but the greatest rise has been among students. This has led to increases in suicide, alcohol use, and more. 

This isn’t new. But it is more front and center in the midst of covid. 

The reality is, we were not made to live life in isolation. 

Are you lonely? Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience, said, “Loneliness is thought to be more of a subjective, distressing feeling, but it’s the discrepancy (or distance) between one’s actual and desired level of connection.”

Loneliness isn’t just something in our culture, but something that many people who attend church experience. This is incredibly sad because we were made for relationships, for community. The whole New Testament was written to groups of people, to churches. As Gordon MacDonald said, “None of us can ever be strong in the Christian life without intentional participation in a smaller group of people.” But many of us try. 

In Paul’s letter Philippians, we see this simple truth: Relationships are at the heart of joy and hope. 

We see how important relationships are to him in Philippians 1:3 – 11:

I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you, always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you because I have you in my heart, and you are all partners with me in grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how deeply I miss all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And I pray this: that your love will keep on growing in knowledge and every kind of discernment, so that you may approve the things that are superior and may be pure and blameless in the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.

What is the hope of loneliness and isolation? Friendship, a community, moving towards others. 

Paul tells us here what is incredibly important: A friend is safe, gives you their best, and brings out the best in you. 

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Paul tells us three important things in this passage about friends:

First, a friend remembers the best. Do you have a friend that remembers the best about you? Or just the worst? Does your spouse remember the best moments or remind you of the worst? Third, do you remember the best moments or the worst?

A friend will give you their best and bring out your best. Friends are partners, working together, moving as one, in the same direction. A great partnership is one where each person knows how they are wired, how they are gifted, what they do well and don’t do well. Then, they make up for each other’s weaknesses and blind spots. In a partnership, everyone knows the other person’s blind spots and brings them up, so everyone is aware. They don’t keep secrets. 

In a partnership, they see the good work God is doing. They give their best and expect your best. When Paul says in verse 6, “God will complete the good work,” he is seeing what God is doing. This is the hardest to do in our closest relationships. In our closest relationships, we see all the weeds, broken places, and bad work. Paul is choosing to see the good work. 

Here are some other ways this plays out:

• Assuming the best about other people’s motives
• Speaking the truth in love
• Calling each other up to deeper, more authentic faith

A friend will pray the best for you. All of us need friends that we can text at any time of the day and say, “Pray for me about this.” Do you have a friend who prays for you? Do you have a friend that you pray for?

A friend is safe, gives you their best, and brings out the best in you. 

Who is this for you?

Who are you this for?