We all want great relationships. We want them at work, school, and home. 

If you’re married, you want your marriage to be as great as possible. If you’re a parent, you want to do the best job you can and be as connected to your child. The same goes for friendships, work relationships, and so on.

But what does that take?

We often know what a great relationship takes, but life gets in the way. What if the other person doesn’t pull their weight in the relationship?

Many things go into a great relationship and there are many things that can harm a relationship.

It has been interesting to me preaching through the book of Philippians because Philippians isn’t often seen as a relationship book. But, Paul talks about relationships a lot. And he gives some clear insight into what makes a relationship great.

In Philippians 2, he shows us three things that make every relationship great.

Before diving into those three things, let’s do a bit of review and evaluation of your relationships. 

Think about your most important relationships: Spouse, kids, parents, friends, co-workers, or boss. How are those relationships doing? Are they healthy? Unhealthy? Are they life-giving or life-draining? 

Often, we run through things in life. We keep doing things and never ask, “How are we doing?” And then, if they aren’t where you’d like them to be, what’s the way forward?

That’s where the three things Paul says in Philippians 2:1 – 11 are so helpful.

1. Harmony. We know harmony when we hear it in music, and we know it when someone is off-key. Harmony in relationships is working together, not apart. Harmony isn’t the same note; it is playing different notes but having them work as one.

This is the goal of the Christian community. This is the goal of a church. This is the goal of marriage. 

To be one.

Yet, when the world around us looks at churches, they don’t see people working as one, moving as one; they see people tearing each other apart.

Too many couples who claim to follow Jesus make fun of each other, work against the other person, do their own thing, split up to reach their goals instead of working as one. 

Dating couples, this is why your goals, values and beliefs matter when it comes to dating. Unfortunately, one of the fastest ways to destroy a marriage is to have different goals, values, and beliefs. 

Moving as one is loving the same things, united on the same purpose (Philippians 2:2).

2. Humility. In humility, consider others as more important than yourselves.

How do we consider someone? The word consider means to think about something, to ponder something before deciding. Humility, serving others, not giving into selfish ambition and conceit, is a conscious decision. It is not something we stumble into.

This is a daily, minute-by-minute choice to make others, and think of others, as more important than yourself.  As Paul Miller said, “Love takes the low place.”

3. Helpfulness. This is how we come alongside someone and help them become all that God has called and created them to be. This encourages them, believing in them when they don’t believe in themselves, cheering them on, pushing them when needed.

Helping.

When we appreciate the other person’s gifts, talents, and goals (harmony), and can be humble to put their needs and interests above ours, we can help them because we are invested in them.

Now, back to your relationships. 

Which one has harmony, humility, and helpfulness? Which one needs more harmony, humility, and helpfulness?

I’d encourage you this week to focus on one relationship and one word. What if you could move one relationship further, make it healthier?