All of us follow people. Whether they are bosses, parents, pastors, podcasters, or sports heroes. Everyone has someone in their life that they follow.

Rarely do we step back and ask, “Is this person worth following?”

Too often, we take advice from or listen to people we shouldn’t.

But connected to this is another question: “Are you someone worth following?”

Someone is following each of us. We are influencing those around us, whether we realize it or not. The words we say, the way we react, and the things we post and like on social media all influence those who follow us.

And at its most basic level, this is what leadership is: Influence.

You can influence others for good or bad, towards healthy or unhealthy ends. Other people can influence you for good or bad, towards healthy or unhealthy ends.

This is why, when the Bible talks about leadership and influence, it spends the majority of its time talking about the character of the person, who that person is, and who that person is becoming. In our day and age, though, character isn’t what gets people noticed; it is charisma.

But as Carey Nieuwhof says, “Charisma will get you in the room, but character will keep you in the room.”

When the apostle Paul, in particular, writes to Titus and Timothy about the kinds of people who should be leaders in the church, the kinds of people whom somebody should be following, he focuses almost exclusively on character and who they are, not what they do. 

He says they should be above reproach, faithful in their relationships, and mature in their faith. 

Let’s start with above reproach. 

Above reproach means to be above question. Not perfect, but to strive to live in such a way  that when someone says, “I heard so-and-so did _____.” Their character would cause people to say, “That doesn’t sound like him or her.” 

Having a character that is above question. Why? Because character matters more than charisma.

The kind of leaders the church should have, the kind of people you and I listen to, should be above reproach. 

They aren’t perfect. All leaders are sinners in need of grace. But above reproach means that we confess those sins, and we strive to live in holiness. 

It means we are committed to letting the teachings of Scripture shape the words we say and the way we live. 

Paul gives examples of what blameless means: not arrogant, not hot-tempered, not an excessive drinker, not a bully, not greedy for money, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled (Titus 1:7 – 8). 

Ask yourself about the people you listen to, who influence your faith, politics, health, and relationships. Are they arrogant? Hot-tempered, excessive drinkers? Bullies? Greedy for money? Are you these things? 

The next is faithful in their relationships. 

An elder is the husband of one wife and has faithful children who are not accused of wildness or rebellion. An elder is a one-woman man, a one-man woman. They are faithful to their spouse in word, deed, thought, action, and reaction. 

Are the people you listen to faithful in their most important relationships?  Are you?

Think about the people you get advice from. Is faithfulness in relationships a value? Or is survival of the fittest? Is cheating okay? Encouraged? 

For our culture, faithfulness is not a value; selfishness is. 

Then Paul says they have faithful children. Paul wants to keep in front of them. If you are a parent, you are your child’s primary disciplemaker. 

The church isn’t the primary disciplemaker for children; the parents are. 

This doesn’t mean a leader must be married or have children. But if they do, this becomes a proving ground. 

Why?

The reason Paul uses marriage and family as qualifications for influence and leadership is that our closest relationships are where we see the real us.

It is where you are most comfortable. The family is where your character is proven. 

What is the environment of your home? Is it open and hospitable? How is that being hospitable if you never have people in your home? 

Finally, they are to be mature in their faith. 

We would expect this on a list of influence and maturity in the Bible. But many of us do not expect our leaders to have mature faith. 

In the list in 1 Timothy 3, Paul says they can’t be a recent convert, they can’t be a new follower of Jesus. 

Why?

They are new to their faith. That doesn’t mean they can’t be used by God or do things for God, but it does mean they should mature and grow more before stepping into certain formal leadership roles in a church. 

A mature faith has depth; they have walked with Jesus through highs and lows, mountains and valleys. 

This is important: There is a difference between being a mature follower of Jesus and someone who has followed Jesus for decades; they aren’t always the same thing. 

Too often, we have the wrong definition of maturity. 

In some churches, it is the person with the most bible knowledge, that isn’t maturity, that’s part of maturity. It isn’t the person who is the loudest or the strongest leader. 

Among other things, maturity comes from testing your faith, walking through the valleys of life, and holding on to Jesus, not being swayed by the crowd or by difficulty. 

Look at what Paul says is maturity: He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught…They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient, and unfit for doing anything good (Titus 1:9, 16). 

Hold firmly to the message that was taught to you. 

Their actions will not deny Jesus. 

They are not detestable, disobedient, or unfit. 

Let’s recap: Are the people that you listen to and who influence you above reproach, faithful in their relationships, and mature in their faith? Are you becoming that person?