Author Archives

Josh Reich

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How to Set the Right Priorities This Year

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Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Our priorities come from the love we seek. 

This simple statement has been a helpful grid for me to evaluate many things in my life: how I spend my money and time, which opportunities to say yes or no to, how I parent and handle friendships, and more. 

We all want love from something or someone. 

It might be a parent who determines our priorities. 

It might be a child, so our priority is to sign them up for every activity.  

It might be a boss, a teacher, or a spouse. 

It might be what someone thinks of us, so that drives.

Our priorities come from the love we seek.

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If you want to know what kind of love you are seeking, look at how you spend your time and money. That will give a very quick picture of who in your life is at the top of your list. 

Our priorities determine how we spend our time, money, and energy, who we hang out with, who we vote for, and where we live. Our priorities determine everything about our lives.

Our priorities determine everything about our lives.

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And this is important: Our priorities aren’t what we say they are, but what we actually do. 

How I spent my time and money shows my priorities. 

We may say our priorities are God when it comes to our finances, but if we aren’t generous, if we don’t give back to God, then we’re lying to ourselves. 

We talk about how community or family matters while working 70 hours a week. 

We talk about how much health or sleep matter when eating 3,000 calories a day, sleeping 6 hours a night, and living on fast food and energy drinks. 

We say our relationship with God is a priority, yet we don’t read our Bibles or spend any time listening to God’s voice. 

We say our marriage is a priority, yet we never have a date night or a getaway with our spouse. 

We say emotional and mental health is a priority, and then we never wrestle with our story or go to counseling. 

As a follower of Jesus, the love that I seek is already found in Jesus (Ephesians 1:4). 

Living in the truth of God’s love for us can be difficult to pin down. For many of us, we believe it in our heads, but struggle to get his love into our hearts. We know that our emotions can lie to us, but what do we do when we don’t feel God’s love? How do we keep that front and center in our lives to live from our true identity in Christ?

In his book, Wiser With Jesus: Overcoming the Temptations that Hinder Your Relationships, Steal Your Time, Mar Your Decision–Making and Thwart Your Purpose, Zach Eswine gives 6 ways to live our lives from the truth of God’s love for us: 

6 ways God’s love helps us to live.

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God’s love prioritizes what we set our minds on, helping us persevere (1 Corinthians 13:1-8). 

God’s love frames our prayers for each other (Ephesians 3:18-19). 

God’s love anchors our identity (Galatians 2:20). 

God’s love prompts our repentance (Romans 2:4). 

God’s love empowers our obedience (Ephesians 5:1). 

God’s love enables us to make it through no matter what (Romans 8:35-39). 

6 ways God’s love helps us to make wise decisions.

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My Favorite Books of 2025

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At the end of the year, many of us reflect on what we did and didn’t love. Many people create their end-of-year lists, and I always share my favorite books.

Because I was continuing my doctoral project, much of my reading centered on that. I was able to fit in some other books as well!

To see everything I read this year, go here.

If you’re curious about past years’ lists, click on the numbers: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022,  2023, and 2024.

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry by Ruth Haley Barton. I read this book years ago and revisited it for school this year. It is so rich. It walks through the life of Moses and how this applies ot leaders today. So many nuggets in this book. Especially around the ideas of loneliness and the wilderness that we all walk through. If you are in a dark or hard place, this is a great book to read, whether you are a leader or not. 

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry (Transforming Resources): Barton, Ruth Haley, Haugen, Gary A., Ford, Leighton, Ford, Leighton, Barton, Ruth Haley, Haugen, Gary A., Haugen,

The Expectation Gap: The Tiny, Vast Space between Our Beliefs and Experience of God by Steve Cuss. I didn’t get to too many books this year that weren’t for school, but this was one of them. I listen to Steve’s podcast regularly, so I was familiar with some of its material. But walking through it was so helpful. Seeing the gaps between what I expect from God and how that affects my relationship with Him is so important for people to understand. 

The Expectation Gap: The Tiny, Vast Space between Our Beliefs and Experience of God: Cuss, Steve: 9780310156376: Amazon.com: Books

Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself–and to God–When You’re Wounded, Weary, and Wandering by Chuck DeGroat. Chuck DeGroat has quickly become a favorite author of mine, and I’ve tried to read all of his works. As much of my year was spent on school or sermon reading, the books I read just for me focused on my inner world, my story, and the things I am still growing in that relate to it. This book was invaluable to that end. Highly recommend it if you find yourself, as DeGroat says, “wounded, weary or wandering.”

Healing What’s Within

The Women by Kristin Hannah. I’ve heard about this book for years, but I had never read it. Wow is all I can say. This book was so powerful and hard to put down, and I stayed up way too late reading it many nights. 

Amazon.com: The Women: A Novel: 9781250178633: Hannah, Kristin: Books

Year of Slowing Down by Alan Fadling.  I used this devotional over the last couple of years. I would read some most mornings after my bible reading. I went through it slowly because there were a lot of things I needed to hear and reread, as I don’t slow down very well. If slowing down is difficult for you, this is a great devotional to use. 

A Year of Slowing Down

Tempered Resilience: How Leaders are Formed in the Crucible of Change by Tod Bolsinger. This was a re-read for me. Tod is my advisor for my doctoral project, and this was one of the books we had to read this past year. It was a reread for me, but I’ve come to love rereading great books. It reminds me of things I’ve grown into, things I still need to grow into, and new insights, because I’m in a different place in life. If you are a leader, this is an essential book because it walks through how leaders change and what needs to happen for leaders to change. Without the leader changing, they will struggle to lead change. 

Tempered Resilience

Open by Andre Agassi. This was another book that I heard about for years but had never read. I don’t know why it took me so long. His story and what he walked through were a wild ride to read. 

Open by Andre Agassi | Goodreads

Fahrenheit-182: A Humorous and Inspirational Memoir by Mark Hoppus. This was like reliving some of my high school and college days reading this one. The stories of Blink-182, what they walked through, and the shows and stories were hilarious to remember. If you are a fan of Blink, this is definitely one you should read!

Fahrenheit-182

Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything by Adam Young. If I had to name one book as my favorite book of the year, this is it. This is connected to my ongoing exploration of my inner world and to wrestling with parts of my story. I have really appreciated how Young talks about our stories, engaging them especially as parents, and how to do so with kindness, as that is how God engages us, and that God’s kindness is what leads us to repentance.

Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything: Adam Young, Allender, Dr. Dan: 9781540903754: Amazon.com: Books

In case you need some fun novels to read over Christmas Break, here are some of my favorite ones:

Wolf Trap by Connor Sullivan

Proof by Jon Cowan 

The First Gentleman by James Patterson 

An Inside Job by Daniel Silva (still my favorite novel series)

 

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Why Hope is So Hard to Have at Christmas

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As we walk through the season of Advent, we begin to hear more and more about hope. 

But like joy, hope is often hard to define and hard to know if we have it. 

Many of us confuse hope and optimism. We use words like: wish, desire, want, and dream. But hope isn’t any of those things. 

But hope is everywhere in our daily lives, especially at Christmas: 

  • I hope it doesn’t rain today. 
  • I hope we get a white Christmas. 
  • I hope I get engaged at Christmas!
  • I hope they win the championship. 
  • I hope we don’t fight at Christmas. 
  • I hope our kids get along. 
  • I hope we don’t get sick this week. 
  • I hope our kids sleep past 6 am on Christmas morning. 

When life, relationships, our jobs, or our health don’t go the way we hoped, we try to protect ourselves by becoming cynical or by deadening our desires. We think, “Maybe if I want this less, it won’t hurt as much.” So, we try to want marriage or kids less. We try to want to be retired a little less. We try to stop dreaming about that house or dream job. But all that does is make us want something more, and the heartache grows. 

In Advent, we can bring our longings and yearnings to God.

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In Advent, we can bring our longings and yearnings to God. We don’t have to hold them in. I love what Tish Harrison Warren says about hope: Christian hope is not a “whistling in the dark,” a way to minimize the stark facts of reality. It is a conviction about the ultimate outcome of history, which is not in jeopardy: Jesus Christ has conquered sin and death.

In Advent, we are told that our hope is assured. Peter writes in 1 Peter: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.

Our inheritance is assured in Christ. 

But why is hope so hard for us? Especially at Christmas?

Why is hope so hard for us? Especially at Christmas?

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Adam Young, in his excellent book Make Sense of Your Story, said, “The biggest reason we hate hope is that hope forces us to wrestle with God.”

Hope forces us to come to God and say, “This is what you promised. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. This isn’t supposed to hurt this much.”

The biggest reason we hate hope is that hope forces us to wrestle with God. -Adam Young

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When we do that, and when you read the people of Scripture from Jonah, Abraham, Elizabeth, Sarah, Moses, Paul, the list goes on, you find men and women who have wrestled with God. 

But that’s only the first step to hope. 

The second step, then, is to surrender to God. And this is so, so hard.

Dan Allender said, “The word surrender implies there has already been a long, drawn-out, bloody war. You can’t surrender until you have fought with God. In war, you don’t surrender until there is no hope left for accomplishing your objective and defeating your enemy. You fight until you have no strength left to fight any longer. Surrender only comes in the moment of exhaustion.”

In Advent, we come to God and say, “I’m tired. I’m exhausted from fighting for hope,” and we throw ourselves on the mercy of God. 

In Advent, we come to God and say, “I’m tired. I’m exhausted from fighting for hope,” and we throw ourselves on the mercy of God.

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Advent reminds us that we can take off our armor, we can cry out, “God, I am hopeless,” and know that He meets us.

And some of us need to stop pretending to have hope. We need to be honest with ourselves and someone close to us. 

Finding hope at Christmas.

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Finding Peace & Calm During the Holidays

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It’s December.

Which means you are probably running from one thing to the next, finishing up appointments before the end of the year, going to and preparing for parties, thinking through gifts, navigating school schedules, and everything else!

If you’re like me, you feel like someone else is driving your calendar and life this month, and life feels hectic and out of control! 

What is control? According to the dictionary: Control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

Control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

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That is the last thing many of us feel in December. 

Yet, we sing songs about experiencing peace. We send Christmas cards with the words “Peace on earth.”

But we wonder, can I experience peace today?

This past Sunday, I preached on peace in our Advent series on Philippians 4, which says,  “Rejoice in the Lord always.” I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.

Max Lucado, in his book Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World, lays out a helpful acronym from this passage: 

In Philippians 4:4, we celebrate God’s goodness by rejoicing in the Lord always.

When we celebrate, we look back. We remember what God has done and who God is. 

When we celebrate a person, we celebrate who they are. We celebrate the closeness with that person. We don’t invite random strangers to our birthday parties; we celebrate intimacy. 

In verse 6, we ask God for help by bringing all our requests to God. 

We ask God for help.

We bring all requests to God. 

Just like a child asks a parent anything, they ask for every cereal at the store. They ask for ice cream for dinner. 

We need to pray that way. 

Paul Miller said, “Prayer is bringing our helplessness to God.”

Prayer is bringing our helplessness to God. -Paul Miller

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In verse 6, we leave our concerns with him. 

One of the main times for me to pray and bring requests to God is at night when it is quiet, and my mind is racing. Then, when I’m done, I say something like, “Now, God, help me to leave these to you.”

This is the struggle of prayer and faith, but it is the step of releasing control to God, so we experience his calm.

Then in verse 8, we meditate on good things. 

Think, concentrate, and direct your thoughts and attention to what is of God. 

God promises he will keep us in perfect peace when we fix our minds on him. 

Why is meditating, thinking, and dwelling so important? Because what consumes our minds controls our lives. What we think about, we become. What we focus on dominates our minds, hearts, and bodies. 

That’s why we need to meditate on Scripture, on God, focusing on his ways, to experience his peace and calm. 

This spells CALM.

Celebrate

Ask

Leave

Meditate

When we release control to God, we experience His calm.

When we release control to God, we experience His calm.

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Idols, Our Stories and Our Longings for Love and Acceptance

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One theme has continued to emerge repeatedly in our series on 1 John, and that is, we can know where we stand with God. 

In chapter 5, he says 4 times in 3 verses: “we know, we know, we know…” (1 John 5:18 – 20). The primary purpose of 1 John is to help us live in the reality that we can know where we stand with God, we can be sure that we are in Christ, and we can be assured that we are safe and loved by the Father. 

What John does throughout the letter is not only show us what that life looks like as it relates to our relationship with God, ourselves, and others, but he also writes about what battles we will face in experiencing and living in that life and love. 

At the very end of the letter, he says: Guard yourselves from idols. 

One translation says: Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.

At first glance, this is an unusual way to conclude the letter. Idols? After all the talk of light and dark, eternity, love, etc., he chooses idols to end with. And end abruptly. 

Yet, the idols of our hearts are sneaky and keep us from the life God has for us. 

What is an idol? Tim Keller has been helpful to me in this area. He says, “Idols are often good things that we make great. An idol is anything we look to for what only Jesus can give us.”

Idols are often good things that we make great. An idol is anything we look to for what only Jesus can give us. -Tim Keller

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I’m not sure where I first heard this list of questions, but they were questions to help you discern the idols of your heart (I shared more detail about these in my sermon on this passage): 

9 questions to help you discern your idols of the heart.

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  • What do you worry about?
  • What do you use to comfort yourself when life gets tough or things don’t go your way?
  • What, if you lost it, would make you think life wasn’t worth living?
  • What do you daydream about?
  • What makes you feel the most self-worth? 
  • Early on, what would you like people to know about you? What do you lead with in conversations?
  • What prayer, unanswered, would seriously make you consider walking away from God?
  • What do you really want and expect out of life?
  • What is your hope for the future? What will complete you?
9 questions to figure out what is holding you back in your relationship with Jesus.

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One aspect that is often overlooked is the origin of these idols. 

According to Adam Young in his book, Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything, says, “When your heart is wounded – when something breaks inside of you – you begin living in a way that promises to relieve the wound and assures you that you will never be hurt in that particular way again. And this way of living enslaves you. You become captive to it.” He goes on to discuss how there is a connection between our hurt, our heart being broken, and the idols we pursue. 

Our idols are found in the soil of our pain. -Adam Young

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Let me share something from my life that might help you apply this. 

When I meet someone, I want them to know as quickly as possible that I am working on my doctorate. Why? I want them to be aware of my qualifications. I want them to know that I can do certain things. In fact, when I am in rooms with other pastors, I often struggle to believe that I belong there, that I don’t have what it takes. 

This struggle dates back to middle school and high school because I wasn’t a great student, and I had a guidance counselor who told me he didn’t think I was college material. At the time, he wasn’t wrong, but that stung, and that scar still runs deep. I have often struggled to believe that I am enough in Jesus and that I don’t need letters behind my name to be “someone” in his eyes. 

My guess is, you can find your idol in the soil of your pain. 

The power of your early childhood on who you become as an adult.

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You might look to money for security because you grew up with so little. Maybe you want someone to approve of you or love you because the people who were supposed to love you didn’t. Perhaps you have prayed and prayed for something that hasn’t happened, and that thing has become your salvation.

We don’t always see it. 

That’s why idols are so sneaky. 

That’s why John says to “guard ourselves.” To pick up our shields and swords and guard ourselves. To be alert (1 Peter 5:8). 

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How to Define Reality for Your Church

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Every church starts with the desire to be a healthy, growing church that helps change the community around it with the gospel. No church begins with the desire to be an insular community that has “a country club mentality.”

The longer a church exists, the more difficult it becomes to keep the original vision and excitement. Families grow up, leaders get older, and communities around the church change. Slowly, the leadership team that was bustling with new ideas starts to recycle old ones. What was once new starts to feel stale. 

And many times, the church and its leaders are unaware of the shift that has occurred within them, the church, and the surrounding community. 

The question becomes, what is a church supposed to do? If a church is beginning to decline, can it reverse the decline and return to the glory days? Or are those days past? And if you are in a church that isn’t declining, how do you know if it will begin to decline?

Can a church reverse the decline? Or are the best days behind your church?

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If, as Jim Collins says in Good to Great, “Leadership begins with getting people to confront the brutal facts and act on the implications,” then we as church leaders must confront the brutal facts about our churches and act on the implications. 

Often, the leaders of churches in decline do not want to face the brutal facts. This can happen for several reasons. One, the brutal facts are uncomfortable. It means admitting that what was once a thriving church no longer is. It might mean admitting that they led the church into decline. Two, it means acknowledging that the community around the church has shifted and changed, and the church didn’t change with it. Third, it means facing grief and loss—the loss of influence as a church, the loss of staff and members. Facing the brutal facts means facing reality, and for many people within churches, that brings a lot of discomfort, and we’d rather focus on the positive. 

3 reasons we don’t confront the brutal facts in our churches.

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However, the second part of Collins’s challenge is equally difficult: Act on the implications.

Not only are we to face reality, but we are also to act on what those facts reveal. As we will see, this means praying and asking God for what He has for the church’s future, dreaming together, and experimenting. It might mean ending specific ministries, changing how you do small groups and make disciples, or it might mean changing how the people in the church relate to each other. It is just as uncomfortable as, and possibly more painful than, facing the brutal facts because acting on the implications is the moment of change. 

Acting on the implications is challenging for a church and its leaders. For many leaders, the culture shift is difficult because they are often unaware of it or unprepared to address it. They are blind to the change happening in the community around their church and to the needs of those people. 

How do you face the brutal facts? How do you do that, especially if you are a new leader at your church? Charles Stone says there are five ways to define reality:

  1. Take your church’s pulse. 
  2. Decipher the unwritten code.
  3. Discover the wounds from the past.
  4. Clarify the church’s overall health stage. 
  5. Match strategy to situation. 

5 ways for pastors to define reality for their church.

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These steps of defining reality help pastors understand the first steps of revitalization, how to move forward, and how to help their people navigate the steps to rebuilding. 

How to define reality for your church when no one wants to see reality.

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Why the Past Matters for the Future of Your Church

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Many pastors, as they try to lead their church into the future, want to avoid the past.

This occurs for several reasons.

The past might be painful for the church. Perhaps a split, moral failure, or series of firings has caused pain within the church. This past impacts your present and future as a church. As a leader, you will be navigating a church that may struggle to trust the leadership or wonder if you will be around for the long term.

Maybe the church has had a series of theological divisions or arguments over the years. So, the church is either conflict-averse or constantly seeking something to argue about. This creates an environment where either. Nothing is a big deal, or everything is a big deal.

The church’s past may have involved a series of pastors, leading one to wonder if the current pastor will remain in place.

The age of the church, the age of the people in the church, and the length of previous pastorates all impact the church’s present and future.

The way the church conducts worship, preaching, prayer, small groups, and outreach has an impact on its current and future performance in these areas.

Suppose there have been incredible growth seasons and moves of God in the history of the church, which also impact the present and future of the church. This can create an expectancy and hope for the future in people, but it can also evoke a sense of nostalgia, as the present is never as great as their memories.

What often happens is that a new pastor comes in and either neglects the past or minimizes it. They are future-oriented because that is what leaders do, and there is a good chance the search committee told them they want to move forward as a church.

And deep down, they do. They want to remember the past as well.

So, as you look backwards to go forward as a church, here are some questions to ask:

  • How old is your church?
  • How many pastors has it had over the years? How many staff and leadership transitions have there been?
  • Have there been any firings or moral failures? 
  • How has communication and power been seen in your church?
  • What growth seasons and moves of God have you seen in the history of the church? What stories do people have?
  • Are there any stories or moments that you hear about again and again?

Questions to ask about your church’s past that are impacting your present and future.

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All of those things impact a church. Those stories and moments tell you a lot about what people value in your church.

Pay attention to stories that get retold and people who are mentioned repeatedly. Listen for the memories that people share and re-share. If the people you hear about are no longer at the church, try to meet with them and listen to their stories.

Whether you realize it or not, you are likely leading and living in their shadows and are part of their story.

This is all over Scripture. The word “remember” appears over 1,200 times in Scripture. Memory is powerful.

God knows this.

However, we also see that God wants to restore and renew us from our past.

God wants to restore and renew out of the past.

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Throughout Scripture, we see evidence of this and the call for the people of God to be a part of that restoration. 

We see this call in Isaiah 58:12, “Some of you will rebuild the ancient ruins; you will restore the foundations laid long ago; you will be called the repairer of broken walls, the restorer of streets where people live.”

There is a critical calling on those who start new works, but there is an equally important calling for those who will rebuild ancient ruins. 

The phrase “rebuild ancient ruins” is essential when considering church revitalization. This shows us the work that lies ahead and what has come before. 

Ruins connote the idea that something that was once there has since been destroyed. 

You do not rebuild on top of ruins; you must first remove the ruins to begin the rebuilding process. 

You must identify what needs to be removed and what must remain, as well as which stones have been destroyed and which can be repurposed for the new project.

Positively, you are standing on the shoulders of those who came before you. Rebuilding is not easy, but it is also not starting from scratch. Not every pastor is meant to be a church planter, and not everyone is meant to be a rebuilder.

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3 Traps that Hinder Your Spiritual Growth

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In 1 John, John writes to his church, trying to help them live in the assurance that they have in Christ. To live the good life. 

He says, I have written these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. The whole book is about what keeps us from experiencing this daily and in eternity. 

The main point of 1 John.

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In 1 John 2:15 – 17, he lays out 3 traps that keep us from living the good life, from experiencing the life that God has for us, here and now, and in eternity: the desires of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and pride in possessions. 

Let’s take them one at a time:

How to preach 1 John.

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The desires of the flesh. John is speaking of a few things here.

He is speaking about misdirecting our sexual desire outside of God’s design. 

This can be sex outside of marriage, porn, fantasizing about someone you aren’t married to, or getting emotionally involved with someone you aren’t married to. 

Wishing your spouse were different, looked different, acted different.

This also applies to your personal feelings about your own body and the elevated desire you have to look a certain way or have a specific body type.

This also highlights what we are willing to do for love, the distance we will go to be loved. Or, how we will manipulate someone by withholding love to get what we want. 

What are the desires of the flesh in 1 John?

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Here’s another way to think about this desire, a desire always to get your way.

In marriage, you stop pursuing your spouse and pursue porn or someone else. 

If you’re single and look at porn, you begin to rewire your heart and mind for intimacy and start to rob your life today and your future self and spouse of the joy God has for you. 

You stop opening up to your spouse and slowly start pulling away from them, to the point where you never talk or share your dreams, hurts, and joys.

This is the workaholic taking on too much. Never stopping to ask, Do I want this life? Should I accept this assignment or promotion? If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? There is always a trade-off.

This is the person who can’t slow down because they’re afraid, if I stop moving and doing stuff, what will I do? A woman once told me that she couldn’t take a day off or rest because she was afraid of the thoughts that would flood her mind. She was running.

In kids’ sports teams, there’s always a trade-off in your life. A friend recently lamented on Facebook the loss of his evenings and life as he and his wife try to juggle three soccer teams for their three boys, all under the age of 10. He’s miserable, and their kids are exhausted.

But there is a life he is chasing.

That’s the desires of the flesh. 

How your desires get in the way of the life Jesus has for you.

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The next love he addresses: The desires of the eyes. 

This is the desire of what can be seen.

A certain life, a particular lifestyle.

In many ways, this is your ideal and dream Instagram account, whatever that is. 

A certain kind of house, a particular kind of family, a certain kind of grill, workout equipment, cars, vacations, food, clothes, closet space, hiking, and boating.  

Now, John isn’t saying that cars, shoes, grills, houses, or vacations are evil; they are morally neutral. 

The surprising way lust gets in the way of the life Jesus has for you.

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It is our desire towards those things.

Why?

Because that desire consumes us and takes over.

We do whatever we can to have a certain life or appear to have a particular lifestyle.

We all have this. 

This is the desire to have everything.

Many of us have bought into the lie that you can have it all.

This is the belief that we can climb the ladder, have the perfect family, friends, hobbies, and a relationship with God. And yet, something breaks on the way up the ladder. Something always loses out in our lives because we are human and limited.

A lot of people believe the lie that they can have it all, and it is keeping them from what they really want.

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Women kill themselves for this lie. Believing it is possible to have it all and look like you have it all, so that people behind your back say with jealousy, “She has it all.” That woman who “has it all” is often cracking and dying from the pressure and the sadness that she really doesn’t have it all, but no one knows.

If you’re a parent, it might be for your kids to behave a certain way, get specific grades, and get a scholarship. We kill ourselves for that, we push our kids to insane lengths for that. Why?

We say it is for them, but deep down, it is a desire to be seen a certain way.

Parents, most of the stress you feel and the pressure you apply to your kids is really about your need to be seen as a great parent, rather than what they are doing.

Parents, most of the stress you feel and the pressure you apply to your kids is really about your need to be seen as a great parent, rather than what they are doing.

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If you’re a student, this is the life you’ve imagined and are working hard for. The approval of that parent or teacher that you are chasing after, and who always seems right out of reach. 

That’s the desire of the eyes. 

What does it mean to have unhealthy pride in your stuff?

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The last love he addresses is Pride in possessions. 

Again, John isn’t telling us possessions are bad; he is telling us that loving them and having pride in them is. Being driven by them will destroy us.

This is the desire to appear important.

This is wanting to appear smart and successful.

This is why many people are in debt or are workaholics.

This is why people take specific jobs and careers. For a certain life, to appease a parent or a spouse. They give up a dream, a God given call, for something safer.

3 traps that hinder your spiritual growth.

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The Great Need for Church Revitalization

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Photo by Ronni Kurtz on Unsplash

In 2014, Lifeway Research found that 4,000 churches opened their doors, and 3,700 closed their doors. In 2019, those numbers changed: 3,000 new churches started, and 4,500 closed. The rate of church planting does not keep up with the rate of church closures, which makes the opportunity and need for revitalization even more crucial.

The opportunity for church revitalization is so great!

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There are several reasons for this. Church planting has become increasingly expensive. In 2019, the typical range for a church in the United Methodist denomination was $300,000 – $500,000. While many conference speakers will use the stat that 80% of church plants fail, NAMB (The North American Mission Board) has found that 68% of church plants are thriving. That expense is difficult to justify in a region like New England, where church attendance has continued to decrease. One reason is the cost of bringing a church planter to New England. The cost of living in Massachusetts is 47% higher than the national average. We have had incredible difficulty getting a family to move from another part of the country because of the cost of living and housing. 

Church revitalization becomes an option when church planting becomes too expensive.

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While churches have decreased and closed nationwide, New England’s numbers are incredibly disheartening. The states with the lowest church attendance are Vermont (17% in weekly attendance), New Hampshire (20%), Maine (20%), and Massachusetts (21%). In Massachusetts, 59% of the population seldom or never attends church. “Missiologist J.D. Payne has surveyed individual cities and found New England cities to be the least in total evangelical percentage – Pittsfield, MA (1.5%), Barnstable-Yarmouth, MZ (1.5%), Providence, RI (1.7%), Boston (2.5%), Hartford, CT (2.7%), Burlington, VT (2.9%) and Bangor, ME (3.5%). These and other factors have caused many to consider New England an “unreached people group.” The church I lead is 10 minutes outside of Providence, RI. 

Some have pointed out that the reason for church decline is generational. 

Is church decline generational?

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According to Nick Blevins, the average church has a 10-15% attrition rate yearly. But people are attending church less. According to Ryan Burge, in 2022, 39% of Americans never attended church, up from 35% in 2020. He also found that “The number of those who never attend church has doubled in the last 15 years, reaching 85 million.” 

One study states, “The average congregation size across Christian denominations is less than half what it was in 2000 – down to 65 from 137.” About 65-85 percent of American congregations have plateaued or are declining. Mainline denominations stopped growing around 1965. Some congregations along the way made the painful switch of adding a contemporary service and grew until about 2005. But since then, many congregations have struggled, unsure of how to reach young adults who do not fit historic congregations.

Why church revitalization is so difficult and needed in New England.

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And while there are stories of churches beginning and growing, regionally, half of all congregations in the US are in the South. As a comparison, there are 1,393 congregations per million residents in the South compared to 750 congregations per million residents in the Northeast.

Here are some things I’m learning in my doctoral research on church growth.

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What is it about the Northeast that creates such difficulty for churches? Why are there fewer churches per resident than in any other part of the country? One of the challenges is relationships within New England. Nate Pichowicz, a pastor in New Hampshire, points out, “Robert Frost, a native New Englander, published his poem, “Mending Wall” in 1914: a sort-of literary commentary on rural New England life from the perspective of a farmer. In the poem, two neighboring farmers meet in the Spring, walking along the stone wall which marks out their property line. The narrator questions the purpose of the wall, but his neighbor only responds with the proverbial maxim, “Good fences make good neighbors.” 

Here are some things I’m learning in my doctoral research on church revitalization.

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While Frost did not originate this line, he no doubt made it famous. The sentiment undergirds the New England temperament, as it explores the tension between all communal relationships in the Northeast. New Englanders are reserved and guarded, tentative and contemplative, self-reliant and proud, principled and often stubborn. While not necessarily cold, we are not known for our “northern hospitality,” rather, we keep to ourselves. Despite our desire for friends, we struggle to embrace communal living.”

If you read American history, you know that the colonies began in New England, meaning Christianity in America started here. But it didn’t just begin there. Historian Harry Stout said, “In New England, the church would be central. New England’s mission began with the church.” But the church or New England lost its way somewhere along the way. 

Lessons for churches in New England.

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Where Are You in Your Relationship with God?

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spiritual growth

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It can be challenging to gauge your relationship with God and determine whether you are growing. Churches struggle to know where people are, because is it enough to just read your Bible? To pray and serve? How often do you need to do those things?

Yet, in Scripture, we are given clear stages of our relationship with God. You and I can have confidence in our relationship with God and know where we are, what the next stage is, and the path to those stages. 

According to Jim Putnam, there are different stages to our faith journeys: spiritual infant, child, adolescent, and adult. We can recognize where we are spiritually and emotionally. Because, as Pete Scazzero says, “You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.“

What is essential to recognize is that, according to John, all of these are followers of Jesus. They are just in different places. As in life, we are to grow and move forward. 

Infant (1 Peter 2:2 – 3)

An infant is a brand-new follower of Jesus. They are helpless in many ways and just beginning their new life.

Someone who is a spiritual infant might say things like: 

  • I need to go to church regularly? I’ve never heard that before.
  • I need to pray and read my Bible regularly. I don’t know how.
  • I didn’t know the Bible said that.
  • Tithing? What’s that?
  • I don’t need anyone else. It’s just me and Jesus.
  • I know Jesus is God, but isn’t karma real too?
  • I’ve just been baptized, but I still face challenges in my life. I thought Jesus was supposed to take care of all my problems.

A spiritual infant needs others around to help them grow, just like an infant needs parents. 

Are you a spiritual infant?

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According to Pete Scazzero, an emotional infant “looks for other people to take care of me emotionally and spiritually. I often struggle to describe and express my feelings in healthy ways and rarely enter the emotional world of others. A need for instant gratification consistently drives me, often using others as a means to meet my own needs. People sometimes perceive me as inconsiderate and insensitive. I am uncomfortable with silence or being alone. When trials, hardships, or difficulties come, I want to quit God and the Christian life. I sometimes experience God at church and when I am with other Christians, but rarely when I am at work or home.”

What is an emotional infant?

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Children (1 John 2:12)

A spiritual child is someone who is growing but still requires significant support. They need parents to provide for them. They don’t always know what they need or when they need it. Think of kids who need a nap!

People who are spiritual children say things like: 

  • I’m not sure if this church is meeting my needs anymore.
  • Don’t multiply my small group into two. We won’t get to be with our friends.
  • Who are all the new people coming into our church? The church is getting too big. And someone is sitting in my seat!
  • Why do we have to learn new songs?
  • I didn’t like the music today.
  • No one ever says hi to me at church. No one ever calls me to see how I’m doing. No one spends time with me.
  • I wasn’t fed at all by that sermon today.
  • I’d serve, but no one has asked me.

You might be a spiritual child if…

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An emotional child is someone who, when life is going my way, I am content. However, as soon as disappointment or stress enter the picture, I quickly unravel inside. I often take things personally, interpreting disagreements or criticism as a personal offense. When I don’t get my way, I frequently complain, throw an emotional tantrum, withdraw, manipulate, drag my feet, become sarcastic, or take revenge. I often find myself relying on the spirituality of others because I am so overwhelmed and distracted. My prayer life primarily involves talking to God, telling Him what to do and how to fix my problems. Prayer is a duty, not a delight.

Are you an emotional child?

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I would say, if you have been in church for a few years, there is no reason for you to be a spiritual infant or child. 

Young Adult (1 John 2:13 – 14)

A spiritual young adult is beginning to lead, taking significant steps in owning their spiritual journey. 

A spiritual young adult says things like: 

  • I was reading my Bible today, and I have a question about something. 
  • I love serving, and I can see how God has gifted me and how he is using me. 
  • Our small group keeps growing, so we need to start another one, and I’m going to apply to lead one. 
  • Someone missed the small group this past week. I’m going to check to see if they are okay. 
  • Look at how many people were at church today. I love seeing all the new faces!

How to know if you are a spiritual young adult.

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An emotional young adult says, “I don’t like it when others question me. I often make quick judgments and interpretations of people’s behavior. I withhold forgiveness from those who sin against me, avoiding or cutting them off when they do something to hurt me. I subconsciously keep records of the love I give out. I struggle to truly listen to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs without becoming preoccupied with my own concerns. I sometimes find myself too busy to spend adequate time nourishing my spiritual life. I attend church and serve others, but enjoy few delights in Christ. My Christian life is still primarily about doing, rather than being with Him. Prayer continues to be mostly me talking with little silence, solitude, or listening to God.”

How to know if you are an emotional young adult.

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Parent (2 Timothy 2:1 – 2)

A spiritual father or mother is someone who has taken ownership of their spiritual growth. They are also taking responsibility to help others grow, just like a parent does for a child. They are discipling other disciples, who will in turn disciple other disciples. 

They say things like: 

  • Someone at work asked me a question about the Bible, can you pray for me when I talk to him, and that he would be open to the gospel?
  • I want to be aware of my behavior as a witness at work and at home. 
  • They see the most critical discipleship opportunity as their children. 
  • They are always on the lookout for new people to disciple and for new leaders to lead new groups or teams.

How to know you are a spiritually mature adult.

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An emotional parent says, “I respect and love others without having to change them or becoming judgmental. I value people for who they are, not for what they can give me or how they behave. I take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings, goals, and actions. I can state my own beliefs and values to those who disagree with me — without becoming adversarial. I am able to accurately self-assess my limits, strengths, and weaknesses. I am deeply convinced that I am absolutely loved by Christ and, as a result, do not look to others to tell me I’m okay. I am able to integrate doing for God and being with him (Mary and Martha). My Christian life has moved beyond simply serving Christ to loving him and enjoying communion with him.”

How to know you are an emotionally mature adult.

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Where do you find yourself? What is your next step to grow into the next stage of your spiritual or emotional growth?

As I said on Sunday, this isn’t always a linear journey. This is not a salvation issue, but a matter of sanctification. There may be seasons when you are growing and living as a spiritual parent, and then you find yourself moving backward to the stage of a young adult or child. This is why the grace and forgiveness John talks about are so essential in the life of a believer.