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At some point in your leadership as a pastor, you will have a staff member, elder, deacon or volunteer resign and say, “I’m done.” It might happen suddenly, as if out of nowhere. It might be mutually a good idea. It may be hard to accept, or it may be a hidden blessing. Regardless of the situation, there are some things you can do to honor them, communicate it in a way that benefits both the person leaving and the organization, and move forward.

Many churches struggle in this area because there is the balancing act of sharing what happened behind closed doors, honoring the person who is leaving, and answering questions people might have who weren’t involved. What makes churches even more challenging than a secular company is the reality of “being the family of God.” How do you fire someone who is part of the family? Because of this, the feelings involved become complicated very quickly. Churches usually either act completely like a public company and use an NDA, or they hold on to someone too long. 

Regardless, at some point, you will have someone resign or you will have to let someone go. 

Here are 8 ideas to navigate that so that it can be helpful for you as the leader, for the person leaving, and for your church: 

1. Find out the whole story from the person. When people leave a situation, they tend not to tell the entire story. They will often tell their boss or ministry leader only what they’re comfortable sharing or what they think the other person wants to hear. Do as much as you can to find out exactly what happened and why they are leaving. Find out what is underneath things and keep digging. This will help you to learn as a leader if you did something wrong or if there is something unhealthy in your church. Avoid simple Christian clichés if possible; instead, ask them to explain it. Too often in these situations, because they are difficult, people in a church environment hide behind “God told me, God is moving me,” etc.

They might not be willing or able to share the whole story with you as their boss, and that is okay. Don’t pressure them. But ask curious questions and listen. Hidden in their frustration or hurt might be some things that you, as a leader, need to learn or things your church needs to face.

2. Honor them and what they’ve done publicly as much as possible. The person leaving has done a lot for your church, whether you want to admit it or not. Even though it is difficult and hurts, honor them. They’ve meant something to you, your church, and others. Honor them. Thank them. Give people a chance to say thank you. People care deeply about how much you honor someone. This gives you an opportunity to demonstrate to others how your church treats people. Someday, your church may treat you the way you treat leaders who have transitioned out of their roles.

As people come up to you, the pastor staying, and share with you how much that person meant to them, or share their frustration and hurt at leaving, don’t get jealous or angry. The ability to differentiate your emotions in this moment is incredibly important.

3. Say what only needs to be said publicly. If sin is involved, relational strife, poor job performance or anything else that is difficult, you don’t need to put that out there. I’m not suggesting that you lie or take an arrow for someone else’s sin or stupidity; you just don’t need to share everything with them. Each situation will dictate what you say. Over the years in the churches I’ve worked in, we’ve had people leave on their own, staff members we’ve let go, had elders or staff members who disqualified themselves, and because each situation is different, it has changed what we said publicly. If the person leaving is not a well-known on-stage figure in the ministry, don’t bring them on stage to say goodbye. Discuss it in the places where this person has touched and affected others.

This one is hard because no matter what you say publicly, it will not be enough for someone in your church. Do your best if you can to answer those questions personally. I always do my best to meet with anyone who wants to meet with me to answer questions in these situations. You should include another leader or elder with you so that you don’t miss something, and that person can also help you navigate your emotions in these meetings. 

4. Publicly, focus on the future. When you make the public announcement and have thanked the person or explained what happened, spend as much time as possible focusing on the future and how things will not fall apart. I would say in the “official” announcement, you need to spend 80% of the time on the future. Show people that you are moving forward, and the ministry or church will survive.

This might feel callous to those who were close to the person leaving. And that is real and an important feeling. 

Depending on the person, there is also a whole segment of your church that will shrug when someone leaves. As the leader, you are balancing both of these feelings and thoughts.

5. Be honest publicly and privately. As a pastor, don’t lie. Every fact doesn’t need to be shared, but don’t lie. In private, don’t make things up, don’t bash the person. Have one person you are venting to if it’s a difficult situation, who is speaking into your heart on the situation, but don’t have a team of people you are venting to.

Also, as the leader, you should have someone who loves you who is giving you feedback on your ability to hear what others are saying, how you are responding, and how you are coming across.

6. Honor them financially. Whatever the situation, you are called to shepherd them and care for them. Go above and beyond financially in terms of salary and insurance. Once, we relocated a pastor who had been with us for three months back to Indiana. He wasn’t a fit, and everyone knew it quickly, and they had just moved, so we felt the honorable thing was to move them back to where they came from. Sometimes you give months of salary and benefits, sometimes you give a week. Again, it depends on the situation. One rule of thumb I’ve used is: if this became public, what would people think of us and how we’ve handled this, and what we gave the person? Another way to think about it is, would I want the same treatment I am giving this person?

Again, you are a church and not a business. So while some business principles might apply here, you also need to handle things differently. You need to steward things for your church. 

7. Create a transition plan as quickly as possible. Don’t wait to decide what is next for the ministry. Grieve what is happening, find out the story, and start on a plan. Don’t wait around. If you are the lead pastor or the leader of a ministry area, take the lead and get this done. People will want to know the ship is being steadied and you are moving forward.

Transitions are the seasons when people can leave your church, momentum can be lost, or it can be a moment to move in a new direction and experience new energy and vision.

8. Transition them as quickly as possible. This last one will seem unloving because it is a church environment. When someone says, “I’m done,” they’ve likely been feeling that way for weeks or possibly months; they’ve just now verbalized it. This means their passion is gone, their calling is gone, and they are done. Getting them out of their role as quickly as possible, in the long run, is the best thing for them and the ministry. Staying around for 3-12 months doesn’t benefit anyone. Make a plan, honor them, take care of them, and move them on as quickly as possible.

These situations are sticky, and they are all different. As a leader, you will walk through this too many times to count. Each one hurts. They are people you’ve invested in, loved, cared for, and worked with, and watching them leave always feels personal. You either feel like you did something wrong, missed signs, hired the wrong person, or were lied to or let down. Grieve the situation. Learn as much as you can and move forward to become better and resolve the situation.