I’ve noticed a common theme in conversations recently. It creeps up in texts, emails, social media posts, and just the general feelings in life.

It’s the sense of exhaustion, the feeling that we are hanging on, and simply trying to survive the week. We are tired of arguing with people who disagree with us about covid, masks, and vaccines. We are tired of the constant pivoting and changing that is happening all around us. 

Personally, Katie and I were talking this past week about the exhaustion that comes from moving. The physical strain of moving, the mental details it takes to start new schools, set up new doctors, dentists, and all the things you do each day. 

If you’re anything like me, you’ve wondered over this past year why this is all happening. What is God doing? How is this part of His plan?

As I’ve spent time just looking at my own heart, what is happening in it, what is being revealed in this season, I have been reminded of something. Something I wish wasn’t true, but it is: I like control. I like the sense of control.

If there has been anything that these past two years have shown us, it’s this: We aren’t in control, and we don’t like that.

What is control? According to the dictionary: Control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

Over the last two years, many of us have seen our desire for control increase because we have felt so out of control.

Think for a moment, how many people are in your life, and how many situations do you have direct control over?

I have five kids, and I have very little control over what they do. I like to think I can direct things, but I can’t. I can’t make my friends do anything. I can’t make my wife do something. My parents, I can’t control them and tell them what to do. I can try to control things, but I have very little control over the things in my world. The economy? I don’t have any control over that. Other drivers? No control there. The people who take forever in the grocery store line? No control. What about what is going on in our world with covid? Schools staying open or not? There are so many things outside of our control. 

But have you ever noticed that when our anxiety, worry, and fears start to rise, many of us grab onto control somewhere? 

If we can’t control our jobs, we try to control our kids or spouse. 

If we can’t control our paycheck, we try to control our gardens. 

The moment one place in our lives feels out of control, we start looking for control somewhere, anywhere.

What’s interesting, though, is that this tends to backfire on us. 

What happens when we try to control a relationship? It often ruins it. When we try to make something happen, we tend to make things worse. 

We do this in several ways: 

• Some of us try to power through. We pretend we aren’t hurt or sad; just put our heads down and go. 
• Some of us try to control it by working overtime. 
• Some of us try to control it through our personalities or emotions. 
• Some of us try to control it by shutting people out. 

What if I told you, though, when life is out of control, our goal is one thing when we try to control it.

Peace.

We are going after the sense of calm.

We are going after peace, but we settle for control.

I think that is the invitation: to enter into the peace and calm we long for, we must release our iron grip of control.

We must let go.

If you’re like me, you are rolling into the summer of 2020 tired, maybe exhausted. You have spent the last several months doing church online, preaching to an empty room, navigating the politics of covid with your people, shepherding your church to think about race in America. You have been homeschooling, quarantined, and just had your life changed in ways you didn’t even imagine in January.

There’s also a chance that your summer plans have changed. The place you were planning to go to, that trip you had booked, has been altered or canceled. I know the place we usually go to in California is closed. So traditions in the Reich house will be different this summer.

So, how do you enjoy the summer then?

I think everyone needs to plan their time off as much as their time on. Even in covid, you can still do this and to come back and roll into a ministry year in fall (who knows what that will look like), you need to rest.

To do that, you must identify what will help you to rest and if you can pull that off. For me, resting involves not creating. That’s not creating sermons, blogs, podcasts, not reading books for sermons or leadership books, but merely resting my brain. This is hard because this is what I do each day, but to rest, I need to. I need to read books that nourish my soul, books that are fun and take my mind off of work. One of the things I do most summers is read through sermons by people like Eugene Peterson. These have a way of refreshing me and reading novels or historical books that take me to a different place. If you’re a leader or creator, you need to give your brain a break.

As you are thinking about your time off, what is refreshing and recharging for you and your family, think through relationships as well. Who do you need to spend time with? Who will help you to feel refreshed and not drained? Because we have been so starved for face to face relationships over these last few months, this is crucial. And yes, because of covid, you need to be wise about this. But plan a time to be with people who will lift you.

Many leaders, though, are not spontaneous. If that’s you (and that’s me), plan some last-minute spontaneous things. Do some adventures at night with your kids: watch a movie out back, get some late-night ice cream.

While this summer will look different than any other summer, you’ve experienced. I mean, when was the last summer you lived in a pandemic? You can still enjoy summer. You can still make it great, but it will take some planning.

So you’re at home. Your kids (if you have them) are at home, need help with school, are bored, and you are trying to get work done. You can’t go to church, your small group and workgroups are meeting on zoom, stores and restaurants and gyms are all closed.

Our routines, as we know them have changed entirely.

And if you are like me, the first week or so was good. You enjoyed the quiet, the different, the new. But now this new has become the old. This novel is now what we are doing. And because we don’t know how long it will last (one of the most frustrating parts of this), we have to define a new normal—a new routine.

So, how do you build a quarantine routine?

Here are a few questions to ask, and then I’ll share some things our family and I are doing:

1. What needs to get done each day? I’ve read a lot of people talk about starting a business, a new hobby, learning a language in quarantine, and if that is you, good for you. I felt terrible about this for a moment because I thought, “This is the perfect time to write my second book.” But I don’t feel it.

So what needs to get done each day? What do you have to accomplish work and school for your kids? Many times we will add too many things to our list and feel bad at the end of the day or week.

For many of us, this list already exists, but because we haven’t written it down somewhere (in one spot), we feel overwhelmed and stuck. We feel like we aren’t moving forward.

So, each day, write down what you need to get done. What your kids need to get done. Yes, have a quarantine dream list, but be realistic.

2. How do you stay connected to your friends and family? I think we are learning in a new way, how meaningful relationships are. We are seeing how much community matters in this season where we are stuck at home, wearing masks and not able to hug those around us.

Staying connected with others is incredibly important.

Whether through zoom, facetime, or other means, you must each day connect to your family and friends. To hear their voice and for you to listen to theirs.

Our best friends live six doors down from us, and we have made a rhythm of hanging in front of their house around a fire each week. This is so important for Katie and me.

3. What will recharge you today? It is easy to be task-oriented right now because it is stressful, and accomplishing things makes us feel worthwhile and look useful to our employer.

But make sure you are taking time for yourself. Make sure you are reading your bible and praying before you open social media.

Get outside in the sunlight and move around. Read a great book, take a nap, call a friend, bake that meal you’ve been dying to try.

It is so important that we pause for ourselves.

One thing that has been incredibly helpful to me right now is limiting my phone use, turning it off, listening to quiet, or worshipful music, just to reset.

Your answers to those questions will be different than mine and feel free to add some items to this list. This is just to get you started.

For our family, we took those questions and came up with some ideas:

• We are limiting screen time for our kids, especially because they are on zoom now too.
• It is taking a long walk each day.
• We are taking a weekly hike as well.
• We are spending time reading in the morning.
• I read to our kids every night before bed. Right now, we’re reading The Wright Brothers. 
• We are finishing our day with the compline prayer for the daily office.
• We are listening to worship music throughout the day.
• Making sure we don’t miss family movie night each week.
• Katie and I are continuing our date night at home each week.

All of us right now are experiencing a new kind of world.

We are forced to stay home and forced to stay in.

We are forced to rest.

But how do you rest well? While we may not see it this way, right now is a great opportunity.

An opportunity to rest.

If you are a leader or are striving to be successful, you plan out your life. Each day, your layout, what will it take for you to be successful. You look at your to-do list, and you create a plan so that it isn’t haphazard.

This is great and needed.

Many leaders, though, do not do this when it comes to rest.

But, being productive means planning your time off as much as planning your time on.

So, how does this work?

Each night, lay out what you hope to accomplish the next day. Not just through tasks and to-do lists, but also what will help you to rest. Do you need to get outside? Set your phone down for a day? Are you hoping to take a nap? Read a book?

Doing this helps you to layout your day to make sure that you can rest, that you can re-connect to those around you and God.

This week is Thanksgiving, and then Christmas is right around the corner.

It is easy this time of year to miss the essential things in the busyness of what is going on.

To miss the simple things.

I want to encourage you to slow down. Breathe in the cold air. Sip on a great cup of coffee or tea.

Call a friend. Let them know how thankful you are for them and their friendship.

Sleep in. Read a book you’ve been putting off or enjoy a movie.

Sit in front of the Christmas tree, enjoy the quiet (after the kids go to bed!), and watch the lights.

This time of year can be a gift, but we often miss it, and I want to encourage you not to miss it.