5 Questions to Ask Before Quitting Your Job & Taking a New One

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Many of us will struggle at some point whether or not to take a job, move our kids to a new school, or move across the city or the country (like my family did).

How do you know? How do you know if it’s time to leave your job? To take a new one? How do you know if now is the moment to step out and start that ministry, church, or company you’ve always dreamed about?

I think there are many questions to ask yourself, but here are five that I think you can’t miss if you want to make a great decision in this area:

Do you feel called to somewhere or only called away from where you are? We often think of calling as where God is calling us, the new land, the new opportunity. And I think we focus on that because it is more exciting. But before you put a for sale sign up in front of your house and tell your boss that you are leaving, you need to be honest if this is more about running from somewhere or going somewhere.

Yes, God may be calling you into a new season, job, or opportunity. But are you finished where you are? Have you done all that God called you to in that place? I know you might be done, but is God done with you there?

We need to be careful that we aren’t running from something we don’t like or something hard to get to the new, shiny opportunity.

And these are questions only you can answer.

Do you want to live there? Now, we can mistake the answer to this question and miss what God has for us because we want to live somewhere. And yes, God will call us to places that aren’t the fun, top 10 places to live. And that’s okay.

But I do think God puts a place in us, a place that we can connect with. The reality is every region in America is different. As Colin Woodard points out in his book American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America, America was settled by different nations, and those nations still impact us today. You can’t overlook that when you look at moving. I often tell people you have to want to live in a place during the most challenging time of year (whether winter in New England or summer in Arizona). 

Does the church need your gifts? This is important for you to discern when interviewing a church. One of the ways to ask this is, “If God answers all of your prayers, what does this church look like in 5 years?” This question is crucial because it explains their hopes and dreams for their church, and they hope you will take them there.

At one church, they told me they wanted someone to continue the legacy of the pastor retiring. The church was growing, and God was doing many great things there. The problem is, I wouldn’t say I like to maintain things; I want to build and create. Some leaders love to maintain something and hate building things. You need to know how you are gifted, what brings you life, and if that matches with a church.

Is this the right next step? Just because an opportunity is in front of you doesn’t mean you need to take it. Is this the right moment for your family or your career? As Emily Freeman asks, “Is this the next right thing?”

What will you prioritize: your kids’ school and sports, money, location, church fit? While you want to hit the jackpot on a new job or opportunity, you must sacrifice something. You probably won’t get everything you want.

What will decide for you?

Some of that depends on your life season, your kids’ activities, how close you are to retirement, or if all your kids are out of the house or still in school.

What should be on your list of priorities is really up to you, but I’ve talked to too many leaders who did not think through this question, and they took a job that they regretted right away.

Forgiveness, Letting Go and Figuring out How to Move Foward

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Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet, in real life, it is difficult and messy. Often, we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness, we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person,” or, “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.

Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not because many of us have the wrong idea about forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgive and forget is not a reality. We will always remember. It is a part of our story and past. We will remember the room, the smell, the face, the words. 

Forgiveness does not always mean reconciling or trusting. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have a relationship with them moving forward. Wisdom might require you to have boundaries. You can forgive them and release them, but the wisdom may tell you not to trust them. You can also reconcile with them and not trust them to the same degree you once did. 

Forgiveness does not mean excusing what happened. This goes with forgetting, but forgiveness does not mean you are excusing it or saying it’s no big deal. 

Forgiveness is not simple or easy. When the other person pushes you to forgive, they underestimate the impact of their words and actions. Forgiveness is complex and challenging. 

Forgiveness does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness. They don’t need to apologize for you to forgive and let them go. Stop letting them take up real estate in your heart and mind.

Forgiveness is letting go, canceling what is owed to you, and letting go of the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge; as we see in Romans 12:19, it leaves it in God’s hands.

As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few things to keep in mind:

Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.

Giving forgiveness means bearing the other person’s sin. There is a cost to forgiveness. You must bear their sin. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive.”

Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sins, knowing we would fail repeatedly. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.

How to Know if You’re Dealing with an Evil Person

One of the things that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person.

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth.

We’ve already laid out how to know if you are a wise person or dealing with a wise person and how to know if you are a foolish person or dealing with a foolish person.

But how do you know if you are dealing with an evil person? They aren’t the same, and we must deal with them accordingly. 

Henry Cloud, in Necessary Endings said, “Evil people are not reasonable; they seek to destroy.” 

Here’s how you know you are dealing with an evil person: 

  • They like to bring others down. 
  • They are intentionally divisive. 
  • They enjoy it when someone else fails. 
  • They try to create the downfall of others. 

When dealing with an evil person, you must go into protection mode, not helping mode. 

How to Know if You’re Dealing with a Foolish Person

One of the things that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person.

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth.

We laid out last week how to know if you are a wise person or dealing with a wise person. But how do you know if you are dealing with a foolish or evil person? They aren’t the same, and we must deal with them accordingly. 

What makes a person foolish? In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud states, “The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.”

What else makes a foolish person, so you know if you are one or if you are dealing with one? Cloud has some examples:

  • When given feedback, they are defensive and immediately come back at you with a reason why it isn’t their fault. 
  • When a mistake is pointed out, pass the blame. 
  • With a wise person, talking through issues strengthens the relationship. With a foolish person, it creates conflict, alienation, and a breach in the relationship.
  • They will minimize the impact of their actions. 
  • They will rationalize their actions. 
  • They never take ownership of their behavior or reactions, or actions. 
  • They see themselves as the victim. 

While a wise person seeks wisdom and feedback to make changes, a foolish person has little desire for change. 

So what do you do with a foolish person in a relationship? You need to stop talking about the problem and set limits and consequences. Often the foolish person isn’t suffering any consequences for their actions; the other people in the relationship are. 

What Makes a Wise Person?

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One thing that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person. 

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth. 

What makes a person wise? In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud states, “When truth presents itself, the wise person sees the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments.”

What else makes a wise person so you know if you are one or if you are dealing with one? Cloud has some examples: 

  • When you give them feedback, they listen, take it in, and adjust their behavior accordingly. 
  • When you give them feedback, they embrace it positively. 
  • They own their actions and reactions and take responsibility without excuses or blame. 
  • Your relationship is strengthened as a result of giving them feedback. 
  • They empathize and express concern about the results of their behavior on others. 
  • They show remorse for their actions and behaviors. 
  • They ask curious questions. 
  • They are open to change, and they make changes. 

A wise person is different from a fool or an evil person. 

One simple way to know if you are wise or dealing with a wise person is if they are open to feedback. If they are not, that is a clue. 

Ripe for Change

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When I started at CCC, I read as many books on transitions and leading change as possible. One of the things they talked about is how new leaders will want to make changes, maybe even a lot of changes, but you need to know when to make those changes.

One of the key tasks for any leader, especially a brand-new leader, is figuring out what to change and when to make that change.

Leaders make changes. Leaders see things before others and the things that need to change or shift to get somewhere. The issue isn’t seeing what needs to change but knowing when to make that change.

So how do you know when to make a change? When something is “ripe for change.”

In one of my favorite leadership books, Leadership on the Line, Ronald Heifetz says: 

What determines when or whether an issue becomes ripe? How does it take on a generalized urgency shared by not just one but many factions within the community? Although there are many factors, we have identified four key questions; What other concerns occupy the people who need to be engaged? How deeply are people affected by the problem? How much do people need to learn? And what are the senior authority figures saying about the issue?

What other concerns occupy the people who need to be engaged? Leaders, like all people, have blinders and only see certain things. It is important to get different perspectives on changes because the thing you want to change or think is the next thing may not be the biggest thing your people are thinking about or seeing.

You can cut your legs off if you make the wrong change.

When I came, I listened to what people were talking about and what they said about hopes for the future. I also interviewed and surveyed over 50 people in our church, so I could get an idea of what the people of our church were thinking about and seeing.

That doesn’t mean they are right, but what you see as a leader also doesn’t make you right.

For a new pastor, this could be about starting a new ministry, remodeling the building, updating the parking lot, or changing the music style.

I asked each church I interviewed, “If all of your prayers for this church got answered, what would this church look like?” This question is a great way to understand what the people in a church are seeing and thinking about.

How deeply are people affected by the problem? One thing pastors and leaders do too often is change things or die on hills that aren’t that big of a deal.

We do that because we are passionate about it, think it’s a great idea, or saw something at a conference that we “just have to do.” I’ve reviewed changes I made in Tucson, or things I thought were a big deal, and shook my head. Most things in the church are not worth dying on. So choose wisely the things that you change. 

The best thing to change is the pain points most people see or feel. 

One question that I have used since moving to New England is to ask, “If I don’t do anything about this, will it matter in two years?”

This question has slowed me down to ask if it matters. Some things need to be changed immediately; if you don’t do something, it might be fatal to your church. By asking this question, it also helps put me in the future of what matters. 

How much do people need to learn? Pastors and leaders are notorious for making a change without educating anyone on the change or the reason for the change. And then, we get angry with our people for “not being on board.”

Pastors, remember that whatever change you are making or considering, you have been thinking about, researching, and getting excited about for months or years. Your people will also need time to fully embrace what you are doing. 

So educate them. Share the resources you’ve used, the books you’ve read, or the podcasts you’ve listened to. Expose your people to the changes in your heart and mind that led to the change. 

And what are the senior authority figures saying about the issue? The people in your church with formal and informal authority, what do they say? Are they on board? Do they see what you see?

Leaders who skip this part will do so at their peril. 

When you make a change, especially as a new leader, people with complaints won’t come to you. They will go to those with authority and influence, the ones who have been at the church longer than you have. You need to have them on board so they can help answer questions and run interference for you in a change. 

How to Be Productive When You Don’t Preach

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One of the things I consistently hear from pastors is how behind they feel when it comes to sermon prep and how they wish they could plan a week off from preaching.

So you might read the title of this article and think, “I’m not even productive when I preach; how can I be productive when I don’t preach.”

If you don’t take weeks off and be productive when you don’t preach, your church and preaching will suffer.

You need to take regular breaks from preaching. Your body, heart, mind, and soul need it. And your church needs a break from you and to hear other voices. And others need a chance to grow as communicators.

So, for the sake of this blog, I assume you want to take weeks off from preaching. Schedule it and make it happen.

But what do you do with those weeks? How do you use them productively to move your preaching and church forward? The weeks you have off from preaching can be incredibly strategic if you use them wisely.

Work “on” your church. The weeks you have off from preaching are a great opportunity to step back and evaluate your church and ministries. To look at what is next, what do you need to focus on in the next 12 – 18 months?

This is a great time to ask what is working, not working, what is clear or not, and what is missing or confusing about your church or ministries. You can use this time to evaluate staff members or have staff or elder planning days.

Work on your soul. The weeks I have off from preaching are incredibly helpful to my heart and soul. I like to take extra time for prayer, scripture reading, and reading that doesn’t have anything to do with ministry or sermon prep that is just for me and my relationship with God.

Too often, pastors run out of steam because everything they take in is for sermon prep or leadership but never for them.

I know many pastors who use this time for long walks, for retreat days.

Rest. Your weeks off from preaching are great times to rest. Preaching takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul. Your brain needs a break, and you need to refill yourself. The weeks you aren’t preaching are a great time to take some extra time off, rest, and do some things that rejuvenate you

Fill your tank. Preaching is output for a pastor, so when you aren’t preaching, that is a great time for extra input into your tank. This isn’t just physical but also how you nourish your soul. If you can get away from your church, go to a different church, be a part of the worship service there, and be fed. Listen to some sermons or things that will refill your tank. 

Work ahead. Lastly, the weeks you don’t preach are a great time to work on future sermons and series. If you can get into the habit of working ahead, that will save you a lot of time and energy in ministry. 

How to Maximize Your Summer Vacation

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Over the years, I have heard more people talk about needing a vacation from their vacation. Or they don’t take all of their vacation days. 

They end up tired; they don’t enjoy their jobs, and their families don’t have any fun memories to look back on. 

And for what?

In reality, you and I are created to live life in rhythm. We are designed to work hard and play hard. To stress our bodies and then to unwind and let them destress. 

The summer for our family is a favorite season. A time to play, make memories, go on trips and explore. 

We’ve had to learn this as Katie and I didn’t take many vacations growing up. The reality is that it doesn’t have to be expensive to be worthwhile, but it will take some thought. As you get ready for summer, here are some ideas to help you make sure that you are maximizing your summer:

Take all your vacation days. If your company gives you three weeks, take all 3. Don’t leave any left over at the end of the year. You work hard, and your family runs fast throughout the year from activity to activity. One of the biggest wastes is vacation time left over. The average American leaves 6.5 vacation days unused each year. These are free days off; take them.

Parents set the tone. When I am frustrated, tense, or anxious, the whole family feels this way. How do you react to your wife and kids? It bleeds into everyone. You set the tone. Know that you set the tone for everyone else when you are in the car, at the rest stops, or on vacation. This may not be the case in your family, but I have learned how powerful my presence and emotions are in our family and watched them over the years. 

Prepare mentally and emotionally for time off. Being off from work is hard. It is a different rhythm, a different routine. You don’t wake up, make phone calls, check your email, or sit in meetings. If you have young kids, they don’t usually entertain themselves. As a dad, you aren’t used to this. So, mentally and emotionally, prepare for it. You probably work too many hours like most of us, which means emotionally you are fried by the time you get to vacation. Spend the week before mentally and emotionally unpacking and preparing for vacation.

Turn off your email, phone, social media, etc. Vacation means you are not working. I know this is hard to believe, but your company will run without you. When we go on vacation, I turn off my phone, email, social media, etc. Trust me on this, if you want a sure-fire way to build into your family, win enormous points with your spouse and kids, turn off your phone, email and social media. 

Plan Ahead. Do some research wherever you go, even if you are doing a staycation. The internet makes planning a cheap vacation and finding inexpensive fun things to do, incredibly easy. Look for places and things around you that you have never been to and go there.

Make memories. This goes with planning. Find fun places to eat out or places to get unique desserts. Stay up late, and do silly things you wouldn’t normally do. Do whatever you can to make memories. Our kids still talk about things we did 5-10 years ago on vacation. 

How to Stay Passionate as a Pastor

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It is easy to get started; to start a new job or ministry, jump into a new idea or opportunity. But, somewhere along the way, reality sets in, and you begin to find your passion waning.

It might be because you’re bored, it got hard, didn’t go how you expected it to, or somewhere in between.

But every leader has found themselves running out of steam.

What drains your passion? This could be tasks, situations, or people. It might be things that are part of your job, or you have found yourself doing.

We all have tasks we don’t love and people in our lives that can drain us of energy and passion. The reality is you may have to keep doing those things or working with those people. This isn’t about getting out of things or not doing things, although that might be something to explore. This is simply being aware of what drains or takes a lot of energy for you to do and figuring out the best time to do those things. 

Too many pastors do their least enjoyable tasks during peak performance hours, which Carey Nieuwhof calls “your green zone.” 

Yes, ministry and leadership can be draining, but we are often our worst enemies when it comes to our schedules and working against ourselves. 

Can you do a ministry you aren’t passionate about? At some point, you have to ask yourself if you are passionate about your work. 

This doesn’t mean you should quit. Many people are leaving or thinking about quitting ministry right now. Some pastors are working in roles they aren’t gifted or wired to be in, working in churches they don’t believe in, or living in places they don’t love. 

Does that mean you should quit? Maybe. Maybe not. 

You need to ask if you are passionate about your work. If you aren’t, why aren’t you?

Life is too short to do a job or work at a church you aren’t passionate about. Now, you have to know why you aren’t. You might have an unrealistic expectation for a job or a church; the job or church might not be where it will eventually be. 

You can work at a church or do a job you don’t love, but you need to understand why you feel the way you do. Maybe you need to tweak some things about your role, or you might need to learn some contentment in your position or the church you are a part of

But this can be a sticking point for you. I remember being told by someone that you could stay in a role that didn’t bring you life for about 18 months, and then it would eat you alive. I’m not sure where he came up with that number, but for my life and watching others, there seems to be a lot of truth. 

What keeps your passion high? Your job as a leader and pastor is to keep your passion high. No one else can do it for you. No one else will do it for you. 

What does that mean for you? What keeps your passion for what you do white hot?

This can be very personality and temperament specific, so you need to learn these things about yourself. 

Just as important as knowing who and what can drain your passion and energy, you must know who and what gives you more energy and passion for what you do. 

At the end of the day, pastors, remember this:

You must figure out how to keep yourself encouraged, your hope high, and your passion white-hot.

You will get tired, your vision will get fuzzy, and you might want to quit. All of that is normal. But you must keep yourself close to Jesus.

You must tend to your soul.