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The First Step to Making Better Decisions

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Am I being honest with myself?

Really?

That’s the first question in Andy Stanley’s great book Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move. 

The reality is, we can talk ourselves into anything. We can convince ourselves of anything.

We can see train wrecks and bad decisions a mile away in others. We are often blinded to those same bad decisions in our lives, which leads to more regrets. But, and this is the point of the book and the series we are in at CCC, if we ask ourselves better questions, we will make better decisions, which will lead to fewer regrets.

Andy Stanley says that there are 3 categories of decisions that create the majority of our regrets:

  • Purchases
  • Relationships
  • Habits

Let’s take them one at a time.

Purchases: Do you know how Amazon gets me every time? People who bought this also bought this. So it gets me every time!

We have all bought things because of that. We’ve all talked ourselves into purchases that we didn’t need. Some were small, like a book or a shirt. Others were big, like a car or a house. 

Now, pausing to ask, “Am I being honest with myself…Really?” may not cause you not to buy something, but it might cause you to rethink it. Why are you buying this? Do you really need it? Are you buying it to fit in? Can it wait?

Relationships: Have you ever talked yourself into a bad relationship? You knew after the first date that he wasn’t right. You knew after the first coffee you weren’t compatible. 

Maybe you had a parent or a friend who said, “you should pay attention to that.” But we’ll turn around and say something like, “you don’t know her as I do. You don’t know him as I do.” Or, “Sure, he’s angry, but he’s under a lot of pressure. He’s going to go back to school.” Or, “Yes, she’s always in the middle of the drama, but that’s because of the other people.”

Almost every time I have sat with a couple contemplating divorce and they tell me why, I’ll ask, “Did you see this while you were dating?” Almost every time, they’ll say something like this, “Yes, but I thought I could change them. I thought they’d grow out of it.”

Habits: Do you have a habit you wish you could stop? A habit that you have told others you would stop, that you can handle it. Slowly, that habit became an addiction. A thing you couldn’t live without. Our heart sees something, our emotions want something, so our brain convinces us we should do that. We justify it by saying, “I need that.”

In each of these categories, if we were to pull back and ask ourselves, “Am I being honest with myself? Really?” we would find ourselves able to make a better decision. We would at least have the information to see we might be talking ourselves into something we don’t want to.

The truth is, we can talk ourselves into a great future or one filled with regrets. 

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Finding Your Word for the Year

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Every year, millions of Americans will set goals for the coming year, and by February, the vast majority of them have given up. 

One of the things I like to do is focus on one thing for the year. One goal, one thing I want to grow in or learn. While I might hit more than one thing, focusing on one thing not only helps me accomplish what I set out to do but also brings a lot of focus to my life. 

Over the years, I have loved the power of having a word for the year. A word that describes the kind of person I hope to become, the kind of follower of Jesus, husband, father, friend, sibling, and boss. 

One word. One focus. 

How do you come up with that? Here are a few simple steps to do one your own:

How to find your word for the year.

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1. Ask the question: What kind of person do I want to become in the coming year? Another way to ask this is, If I become more like Jesus in the next year, what would that mean? I would encourage you to make a list. You don’t need to narrow it down yet, and your list can be as long as you want.

If I become more like Jesus in the next year, what would that mean?

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You can focus on your most important relationships: parent, spouse, friend, boss, employee, child. 

Your list might have words like generous, patient, joyful, calm, faith, etc. But, again, you aren’t narrowing it down yet; you are brainstorming what God is putting on your heart. 

I think it is good to have this be your own word because it might be different from your spouse or your family. I think it is a good idea for each person to do this on their own and then come together to see what God might be saying to your spouse or family.

2. Pray through what comes to mind. Now is when you want to start editing your list and asking God for help.

Are there words that stand out? Are there words you’d like to avoid? I often find my word is one I’d rather not focus on. 

Maybe as you think through this, you will start to see words around or come up in conversations. If that happens, that’s a way of God speaking to you for your year. 

You can also share your list with your spouse or a friend to ask if they have any insight. God will often use someone else to speak to us. 

My focus for the year is often found in the things I’d rather not grow in.

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3. Find a Scripture connected to your word. I’d encourage you as well to find a verse related to your word, a passage that you want to focus on for the year. It might also be a verse that you plan to memorize. Put this verse in a place where you will see it often. If you need help, you can search here.

4. Share your word. Once you have it, please share it with your spouse, small group, and online.

When we verbalize something, we are more likely to remember it, focus on it, and live it out. You can use it as wallpaper on your phone or a screen saver.

5. Live your word. Look for ways to live out your word. Maybe try to find a book or podcast about your word that you can read and spend intentional time growing in.

I’d also encourage you in your community group to pull your words out each month and share how you are doing, celebrate how you are growing, and encourage each other when you fall behind. 

5 steps to find your word for the year.

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The Power of Your Word for the Year

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Every year, many Americans will set a New Years Resolution. Over 50% of Americans will select one, but more than half have given up by summer.

I remember seeing a meme that said, “A new year’s resolutions are just a to-do list for the first week of January.”

And that’s how it feels sometimes. 

These goals range from losing weight, starting a business or school, quitting smoking and vaping, getting out of debt. 

Resolutions are helpful, and maybe they bring you to focus, but I think they are missing something. 

Twelve years ago, I was there. Then, I weighed 300 pounds, and I was miserable. To read more about my weight loss journey, you can read it here.

How I lost 130 pounds in 18 months and kept it off.

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Every year, I said, this was the year I would lose weight. When Katie and I got married, I was 200 pounds heavier than her. A friend told me once that she married me as an investment. 

At one of my lowest points, I blamed her for my weight. Finally, I told her that I would lose weight if she cooked healthier food. To which she told me, “We eat the same food.”

Ouch. 

I tried diets, exercise plans, fasting, everything it seemed, and nothing worked or stuck. 

We went to a doctor, and I told him, “I want to lose weight. I want to be skinny.” He looked at me and said, “Josh, that is a terrible goal.” 

What?

He said, “you need to lose weight because you aren’t even 30 yet, and you are incredibly unhealthy, but losing weight is a terrible goal for anyone.” So instead, he said, “make being healthy your goal.” Here’s what is fascinating to me now; he was right.  It was not only how it played out in my life but also how Scripture and research back this up. 

Proverbs 4 says:

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

Your heart is the center of who you are. It is about what and who you love and your desires, longings, and dreams. It also defines the person you are becoming. And yes, God cares about the person you are becoming.

What do you love? What do you desire? What do you think is most important right now and in 2022? What would you like to happen this year?

The writer of Proverbs tells us to give careful thought to it. Too often, we are flippant about our goals, loves, and desires. But as one writer said, “You are what you love.”

We need to pay attention to desires, especially the desires in our hearts because they will drive us in life. And, this is so important; we need to bring those desires to God to see if they are from him. We want to see if they are worth our time and energy, and if that is who he created us to be.

Too often, though, our cultural narrative is, if you desire it, if you want it, it must be right for you. But asking what God thinks of something can sound negative, so let’s reframe the question: What does God want you to focus on in 2022? What kind of person does God want you to become in 2022? Next week, I’ll share a more detailed process of figuring this out, but start thinking about this now.

What kind of person does God want you to become in 2022?

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But how do we know? How do we know if we have the right focus?

The writer of Proverbs tells us in verse 25: Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

This is the principle of one focus. It matters what we focus on, what we look to. That focus, that attention will determine the person we become.

Our focus determines the person we become.

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In one of my favorite books of all time (it’s on my kid’s high school reading list, too), Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear. And his research backs up Proverbs 4. 

Clear said that becoming a new person, keeping a new habit is wrapped up in a simple two-step process:

  1. First, decide the type of person you want to be.
  2. Then, prove it to yourself with small wins.

Decide the type of person you want to be. This is the focus that Proverbs 4 talked about. What we focus on and what we give our attention to determines who we become. 

Who you are, who you are becoming. Not just who you are growing into, but what kind of person does God want you to become this year and beyond?

Often, we think God cares about what we do and feel, and he does, but God also cares deeply about the person we are becoming. He created and designed you a specific way, with particular gifts, talents, and abilities. Therefore, what you can do is unique to you. 

Too often, though, we live someone else’s dreams. We go after someone else’s goals. We try to have someone else’s marriage or career live up to a family standard. 

Too often, we live somebody else’s dream.

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I talk to many students who want to do one thing, but their parents want them to do something else, and they give up their dream. They give up their focus. 

This point is why my doctor was right. There is a difference between being healthy and losing weight. We all know people who eat fast food six times a week and are skinny. You can lose weight and not be healthy. I had lost weight countless times and put it back on, all without becoming healthy. 

Being healthy is about the person I was becoming. 

And what I learned for me is so crucial: Being healthy is about what is happening in you. Losing weight is what is happening to you. 

Prove it to yourself with small wins. 

What we often do with a goal is to set unrealistic expectations. For example, we say I’m going to start running this year and run five days a week. Well, how often do you run now? I don’t. Or, I’m going to get up at 4 am to pray and read my bible. What time do you get up now? 7. That’s not realistic. 

I love what James Clear tells clients to do to lose weight. He tells them to go to the gym for 5 minutes a day, three days a week. Walk in, lift a weight, do one exercise. He says they always look at him like that is the dumbest idea on the planet, but he tells them, “Right now, you aren’t the kind of person who goes to the gym. You have to become the kind of person who goes to the gym.”

And that small win, of making it there three days a week for 5 minutes each day becomes 10 minutes, which becomes 20, and so on. 

I think having a word for the year can be so important. It answers the question, who am I becoming this year? What am I focusing on this year?

How to become the person God wants you to become.

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The benefit of having a word over a resolution or a goal is that it defines who you will become in a year and what you will focus on. A resolution and goal can wrap themselves up in this, but a word gives so much more power to your life.

It decides the story you will tell for your year.

The power of a word for the year.

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My Favorite Books of 2021

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Every year, I like to look back on what I read and list out my favorite books.

Admittedly, I read fewer non-fiction books this past year. Part of that was the move across the country, and part of that was a desire to give my brain a break and enjoy more fiction and historical books.

Below is a photo of my favorite books of the year, with my favorite one on top. To see everything I read this year, go here.

If you’re curious about past years’ lists, click on the numbers: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

And yes, my wife took this photo and combined three of my favorite things in it: our backyard, one of my green eggs, and books!

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Here are my favorite books from 2021 (#1 is on the far right and #10 is on the far left):

No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention. This is one of the best leadership books I have ever read. It is all about culture and how to build one. For churches coming out of covid, this is a must for pastors. As I started a new job this past year, I realized that my two main priorities are creating and clarifying culture and building the staff, elder, and volunteer teams. This book had so many nuggets and pushed me in many areas as a leader.

Every Pastor’s First 180 Days: How to Start and Stay Strong in a New Church Job. In the summer, I started a new job and moved my family across the country. I read many books about transitions, but this was the best and helped me create a 6-12 month plan for starting my new job, what I would focus on, preach on, etc. This is a must-read for you if you are starting a new ministry role. 

Lessons in Leadership: A Weekly Reading of the Jewish Bible. After I read my bible, I would read a chapter in this book for the last year. I’ve been doing it for years where I read a sermon or some devotional, which was fascinating and stirring. It looked at the first five books of the bible through the lens of leadership. I loved it and learned a ton about those books of the bible and the people in them.

A Burning in My Bones: The Authorized Biography of Eugene H. Peterson, Translator of The Message. This was just so good. I loved the memoir The Pastor, so this covered some of the same ground but then expanded on it. I loved how real and raw it was; it didn’t sugarcoat his life but honored what he did and accomplished and how he did it.

Canoeing the Mountains: Christian Leadership in Uncharted Territory. I love Tod Bolsinger’s stuff, and this was one I read years ago but pulled back out as I moved across the country and was thinking about leading a church through covid. There are tons of ideas here that are helpful for leaders in a covid world.

Searching for Grace: A Weary Leader, a Wise Mentor, and Seven Healing Conversations for a Parched Soul. This summer, I found myself tired. After leading a church through a merge in Arizona, living through covid, the interview processes at countless churches, and then moving, I was exhausted. This book was one I read a little bit of each day after we moved, and God used it to speak to my soul in some profound ways.

Future Church: Seven Laws of Real Church Growth. This is one of those books that I think pastors will be talking about in 20 years. It’s shaping what we are thinking about at our church and what the future might look like.

The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth. As someone who led an Acts 29 church and held to a complementarian belief for a long time, this was a fascinating book to read. I learned so many things in it that I had never heard before and was honestly disheartened to read as it relates to church history, bible translations, etc. I’ve recommended this book to countless friends since I read it. It is one that pastors should read and wrestle with. 

At Your Best: How to Get Time, Energy, and Priorities Working in Your Favor. I am always looking to get better and be more productive, and this book was so helpful. The biggest takeaway was how many productive hours I have in a day and how to best use them. 

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship: Moving from Shallow Christianity to Deep Transformation. I’ve waited for years for this book to come out and was not disappointed. Between this and Future Chruch, it is definitely where I am headed as a leader and where our church is going related to discipleship. 

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Most Read Posts of the Year

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I hope you are all ready for Christmas and that you get a chance for some downtime over the holidays.

I won’t be posting any new posts until 2022, but in the meantime, I wanted to share the top posts from this past year, just in case you missed them:

1. How to know it’s time to leave your ministry role and part 2.

2. The Best Advice I’ve Gotten in the Last 5 Years

3. Finding the Heart of a Church

4. How to Interview a Church

5. 11 Ways to Engage Guests at Your Church

6. Phones, Loneliness, and Our Deep Need to Connect

7. How to Start a New Season of Life & Ministry

8. How to Make Your Life Count

9. When You Don’t Know the Future

10. Managing a Job Transition

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How to Prepare Your Heart for the New Ministry Year

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There are many different blogs about preparing for the new year, setting goals, and setting your word for the year. And I hope you are diving into those.

But I want to help you how to prepare your heart for the next year of ministry.

Pastor, how to prepare your heart for the year ahead.

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Here’s why this matters: Recently, Barna revealed that 38% of pastors have seriously thought about leaving the ministry in the past year. That is a staggering stat. And it makes sense. The last two years have been incredibly hard for everyone, especially pastors. And while I haven’t thought about leaving the ministry in the past year, I have thought about it at other times.

There is a good chance you are part of that or on the edge of feeling like that. Or maybe, you are excited and hopeful for the following year. No matter where you find yourself, I want to encourage you to spend some time before the new year and prepare your heart for the coming year.

So, as you prepare for the New Year, here are some things I’m asking myself and would encourage you to ask:

5 questions pastors should ask themselves before the new year.

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1. How am I doing? Really? Be honest if you are tired, burned out, sad, exhausted, or angry with God or someone. Write it out. Talk with someone. Share it with God.

These last couple of years have been hard. I want to encourage you to write out or share with someone you are. If you are thinking about quitting, tell someone. If you are depressed, tell someone. If you are excited and hopeful, tell someone.

2. Why do I feel that way? What is God trying to show me? But don’t just tell someone. Instead, dig into those feelings and situations.

Many times as leaders, we don’t grieve things in our lives and face the losses we have been dealt. Over these last couple of years, we have lost friends, and relationships have shifted.

We have lost people in our churches, and maybe your attendance is down.

What is that telling you about your heart? I know for many pastors I had to face in 2020 that I liked preaching to a packed room, and there was some ego connected to that. I had to deal with that in my time with God. Whatever you are feeling, however, you are doing, what is God trying to show you in that?

3. What kind of pastor, parent, spouse, and friend does God want me to be in the next year? Each year, I encourage my church to ask themselves and spend some time with God on figuring out their word and focus for the year. I’d encourage you to do the same.

For years I have focused on one area of my life that I want to grow in or improve. A topic I want to spend more time on or read on. This doesn’t have to be ministry-related but can be if that’s helpful.

But, if you become more like Jesus in the coming year, what would that mean? What areas would you grow in or work on?

4. What relationships do I need to focus on this year? As leaders, we aren’t very good at relationships and friendships. We fill our calendars with tasks and meet people, but we don’t go deep with many people. Instead, we are helpers, guides, and leaders.

But if the last couple of years has shown me anything, it is how meaningful friendships are and how important they are for leaders.

5. What prayers am I asking God for this year? What are you asking God for this year? Do you have a list of goals, dreams, and longings?

Over the last couple of years, my prayers with God started to shift from dreaming to surviving. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been convicted recently about what I’m asking God for and praying bigger prayers.

5 questions to prepare your heart for New Year.

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Lastly, this isn’t a question. But I want to encourage you to pull out your calendar, schedule your Sundays off from preaching, and your family vacation this summer, and put in your retreat days. If you do not schedule these times, you will have difficulty making them happen.

Pastor, make sure you schedule your life for the new year before someone else does.

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Pastor, Plan Some Down Time During the Holidays

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Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

I talk to a lot of pastors who are exhausted right now.

I know everyone is tired right now. It’s December, we’ve been in covid for almost two years.

But December, for a lot of pastors, is an exhausting time.

That’s why, pastors, here is my encouragement for you: Plan some downtime. 

Christmas Eve is almost upon us, and I want to encourage you to plan some downtime between Christmas and New Year.

How to plan some downtime during the holidays as a pastor.

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Here’s how:

Be honest with someone (and yourself) about where you are. This may become a longer post later, but be honest about where you are. Recently Barna revealed that 38% of pastors have seriously thought about leaving the ministry in the past year. That is a staggering stat. And I get it. These last few years have been hard for pastors. The encouragement we used to get isn’t there as much. We don’t feel like we are winning or moving forward. No matter what we do, we make someone mad.

It’s natural, and you have to be honest with yourself and someone else about it. Tell a trusted friend, mentor, counselor, or spouse. If you need to vent, vent to someone. Journal, spend some time talking with God. But enter 2022 without carrying some of that weight.

Get someone else to preach for you. If your church is meeting on December 26th (and this blog isn’t a theological stance on it), get someone else to preach for you so you can get some downtime. You might think, but I don’t have anyone. If that’s you, show a video of a sermon that impacted you this past year. Our church decided to get creative and do church @ home on January 2nd. We are putting boxes together for our community groups for that day for brunch and other activities, and encouraging them to meet together and watch the service. The church @ home also gives our volunteers a much-needed sabbath week from our Christmas services.

Sleep in. Over the holidays, do your best to sleep in. I make it a habit not to set my alarm on Monday mornings since I often get a terrible night of sleep on Saturday nights, and I’m exhausted from Sunday. You don’t need to sleep the days away over your Christmas break, although if you do, that’s okay too. But make sure you get some rest.

Spend time with friends that fill your tank. You will be around many people in December, and you will give out a lot to other people. That’s what you do as a pastor. So make sure you spend some time with people who fill your tank. Try to be with people who make you laugh, listen to you as a person and not a pastor, and just let you be yourself.

Read a book or watch a movie. Read a book for fun and watch some movies or shows you’ve been putting off. I have a rule on a week off, like no ministry reading between Christmas and New Year. So give your brain a break and let things go.

Meet with a counselor. If you don’t already, meet with a Christian counselor. I think every pastor should be meeting with some mentor, coach, or counselor. You need someone who will ask you hard questions, speak the truth to you, and draw out what God is doing in your life because you do that for many other people.

Finally, do things that fill you up. One of the things that I have loved since moving to New England (which has surprised me) is how much I enjoy yard work. I think it is part of the accomplishment when it’s done. But do things that fill your tank, speak to your soul, and make you laugh.

Whatever you do, make a plan right now so that when 2022 hits, you are at a full tank (or a fuller tank than you have right now).

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Making December Special

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December is a unique, special month.

There are parties to attend, gifts to buy, cards to send, food to make and eat, and memories to be made. Kids will be off from school; parents will be off from work; Christmas specials will be on TV.

If you plan as a parent, you can make December a special month.

Here are some ideas:

How to make Christmas special with your kids.

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Listen to Christmas music. I’m not a big fan of Christmas music. If you know me, this isn’t news. However, we listen to it almost non-stop until Christmas starting at Thanksgiving. Why? It is a good tradition. The songs are about Jesus, and my kids love music. I look for Christmas music we like and create a playlist that I load onto Spotify to listen to it wherever we are. And we try to listen to Christmas records on our record player as we slow down in December. This helps to change the month’s mood and communicates that this time of year is different. It has its music.

Watch Christmas Specials. This is one of my favorite memories from growing up, and they never get old.

The tree. Whether you go out and cut down your tree, buy one, or have a fake one (like we did in AZ), make putting up the tree special. This is our first year in 15 years when we got a real one! So build it up, plan it, make your ornaments, tell stories about the decorations you are putting up, and listen to Christmas music while doing it.

Do a special outing as a family. Some families go caroling or sledding. Some shop on Black Friday together. One of our traditions is to eat at the Ethiopian restaurant (one of our sons is Ethiopian) and then look at Christmas lights. Do some unique things during this month together. 

Eat special (and bad for you) food. I’m a health nut about what I eat. At the holidays, I ease off the gas pedal on that. Eat an extra dessert. Have the same thing each year to create a tradition. At our house on Christmas Eve, we make cream of crab soup and have chocolate fondue for dessert. We don’t make it any other time, so it is extra special.

Celebrate Advent. One of our favorites is, Counting the Days, Lighting the Candles: A Christmas Advent Devotional. Of course, we do this as well with Legos and the Jesse tree, but spend some time this month slowing down to celebrate Advent and how God is with us in the in-between. 

Give your wife a break. Our church closes its offices between Christmas and New Year’s, so our staff slows down and has a break (and there’s a good chance you’ll have some days off or work not quite as hard). During this time, I can give Katie some downtime to get out without the kids, take an extra coffee date with a friend, or take a nap. This is an excellent time for you to serve your spouse. You might also pick a time in December for her to sit at a coffee shop alone, get her nails done, or send her and some friends to dinner.

Slow down and be together. Years from now, your kids will remember very little about life as a child, but they will remember if you were there. So will you. Don’t miss it. Work isn’t that important. That party isn’t that important. Shopping for one more thing isn’t that important if it keeps you from being with those you love. I’ve been reminded recently, by the illnesses of close friends, of the brevity of life. If your kids ask you to snuggle or lie down with them, do it. One day they won’t ask.

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When You Are Lonely & Exhausted Around Christmas

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low-angle photo of 2-bulb lamp with snow falling during nighttime

It seems around Christmas, whatever feelings we have during the year intensify.

If we are feeling excited and happy, that seems to grow. If we are feeling lonely and sad, that also intensifies.

For many of us, though, it is the darker feelings that we tend to feel more deeply around the holidays. The feelings of being alone, or anxious, or depressed. Feelings of being left out or being let down because the holidays didn’t go as we planned.

In those moments, it can feel like we are the only ones who think that way, to feel forgotten by others (and by God). When that happens, we can miss what is happening and what God is trying to do in those moments.

One of the most fascinating stories in the Bible is the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 17 – 19. Elijah is a prophet in the Old Testament who takes on the prophets of Baal, who challenges the king and queen (the most influential people in his world) and wins. And yet, when Queen Jezebel threatens Elijah, he runs for his life into the wilderness, prays to God that he would die, and complains that he is all alone.

Elijah shows us, though, how God meets us in our loneliness, how God meets us in our depression and sadness.

In this passage, I think there are some questions we should ask ourselves about our loneliness and darker feelings around the holidays. Because our emotions are real, but our feelings also tell us things that we can easily miss.

Here are 5 questions to ask ourselves during the holidays as we process our feelings of loneliness and exhaustion:

5 questions to ask ourselves during the holidays as we process our feelings of loneliness and exhaustion.

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Is there any high that I just experienced that has led to my low? One of the things that happened in the life of Elijah is an incredible moment. While standing on Mt. Carmel, when he challenges the prophets of Baal and Asherah, he prays, and God answers by sending fire from heaven. We’re told that the whole nation repented and worshiped God.

Right after this is when Elijah experiences a very low moment, when he experiences the depth of his loneliness and depression.

We often overlook this in life. We are so busy and running on adrenaline throughout the holidays, and then we are hit with exhaustion and deeper feelings. Elijah’s life shows us that this can be normal and something we need to prepare for. Do you have space in your life to feel, to process your feelings from the holidays? To process being around family and all that that can mean?

Has God answered a prayer recently that I forgot about? As Elijah runs into the wilderness, he has forgotten all that God has done, how God answered his prayer and how God has moved.

Around the holidays, much of our focus is on what we don’t have, what didn’t go right, what we missed out on. And those things matter. But we also need to look at what we do have, how God has moved, how God has answered prayers, and what blessings we have.

How has God provided for me (food and nap)? When Elijah runs into the wilderness and tells God that he wants to die, God doesn’t respond to that. It is fascinating to me what God does. God provides Elijah with what he needs: food and a nap. 

Never underestimate the power of food and sleep, especially when we are feeling some deep things. The cold, winter darkness can become incredibly dark. And while the morning is not a cure-all, things do change after a good night’s sleep. This isn’t to lessen the feelings we have or even the importance of medication or a good Christian counselor, but a reminder of the difference between day and night.

Never underestimate the power of food and a nap.

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It is also a reminder to make sure you are eating well and sleeping well during the holidays. We will fill ourselves with more sugar and potentially alcohol, which can exacerbate our lack of sleep, which we are already getting less of because of the pace of the holidays. So, make sure you plan to get good sleep and have a plan for eating well. 

How is God being patient with me? God’s patience with Elijah is incredible. 

He listens to Elijah’s complaints, to his whining (and Elijah does start whining), and he provides Elijah with food and a nap, and he responds to Elijah. 

This is an incredible reminder of God’s grace and patience which we so easily forget. 

God will respond; God will listen and not scold. He doesn’t tell Elijah to man up or stop complaining; he doesn’t tell Elijah he is ridiculous. Instead, he listens and patiently responds. God has so much patience for us. Never forget that. 

God’s patience for us never runs out.

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God came to Elijah, how has God come to me? While God shows up to the nation of Israel with fire and famine, when God comes Elijah, he does so through food and a nap, and then a whisper. 

It is easy, especially around the holidays, to miss how God has come to us. We often look for significant, spectacular movements (which God does. But God often shows up in the everyday, simple things. God shows up in the beautiful sunsets and sunrises, the embrace and company of a friend, the simple gifts, the quiet snowfall, the crackling fire. 

Be sure to take time to look for God in simple, everyday places and situations. 

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When You Don’t Know the Future

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A few days ago, this photo popped up in my memories on Facebook.

It’s a photo from two years ago at a small group leader training at Pantano Christian Church in Tucson. You see, this was right when the church I planted, Revolution, and Pantano merged. There was so much hope, so much expectation in this photo. This was right at the beginning of what I thought would be a movement of churches around the city of Tucson, all the campuses that would be started because of this one decision, all that God would do through it. This was the beginning of our next chapter in Tucson.

There is so much hope, dreaming and expectation wrapped up in this photo. 

I didn’t know at the time, but now know, this photo was the beginning of the most challenging 18 months of ministry I have ever had. This was the beginning of some incredibly dark nights, long walks in the desert, a lot of shouting and frustration with God, and many hurts. 

It was also the beginning of what would eventually lead to a massive change in my life. 

I texted this photo to a mentor when it popped up, and he asked me, “If you could go back two years, what would you tell yourself?”

If God would’ve told me on that night, that night when I was so excited and full of hope, “Josh, what you don’t know is in 2 years you will be on the other coast. All the dreams you have in your heart won’t come true here. You are about to have the hardest 18 months of your life.” Would I go through with it?

I don’t know. I know I wouldn’t want to, that’s for sure. But looking back, I know I needed to walk this road. 

First off, I’m glad God doesn’t do that. Even though I often wish he would tell me where things end up, I’m happy he takes us one step at a time. 

Looking back, I’m amazed at what God brought us through. 

Over the last two years, I learned things about myself that I needed to know. Katie and I grew closer together in our prayer life as we struggled through what God had for us next. I learned a lot about leadership, emotional health, trust, and the importance of character. I learned things about the church, the leadership gifts and passions I have, and the things I want to accomplish.

I learned a lot about what matters in life and what makes you happy at the end of the day. 

I think dreams and goals still matter, but we need to be prepared for them to be dashed and not come true. 

I learned that a lot could happen in two years. Two years ago, I didn’t know that we would leave Tucson, even though it was time. I didn’t know that we would walk away from the life we had there. I didn’t know that the team of people I worked with for years would disperse and start new things or move to places they dreamed of being. No matter how hard the moment is right now that you find yourself in, it will end, the day will end, the page will turn. 

I learned that God sends people into our lives at the moment we need them. What you don’t see in this picture is that a few months before this, we met a couple, Todd and Karen, that God would use in powerful ways to help us through this season. I was beginning to get to know Todd at this point, but our relationship would deepen, and God would use him to speak truth to me, to challenge me, and they loved Katie and me (and our kids) so well over this last season. 

Sitting there in this meeting, I wasn’t praying for any of those things. I wasn’t praying for God to take me deeper; I wasn’t praying for God to move us; I wasn’t praying for God to end relationships, seasons, or situations. I wasn’t praying for any of the things God was about to do. It doesn’t mean that he didn’t answer my prayers. He did, and is answering them, but he took me on a different path to get there. 

Recently, someone here in Massachusetts commented, “I wished things would’ve gone faster in our search process.” While I understand that feeling when you are searching for a pastor and I appreciate that while searching for a job. The reality is, if things had gone faster in Massachusetts, we maybe wouldn’t have applied because we weren’t ready. I applied for the job in Massachusetts the week that I found out I wasn’t staying at Pantano. It struck me; God opens doors at the right moment. Right as we were trying to figure out what was next, I got a call from a search firm and he said, “Would you be interested in talking with a church in New England?” 

The last learning, at least that I’m sharing now, God is with us in the hope-filled mountaintop and the low, dark valley. God was there that night of the group leader training, a night filled with enormous possibility, and he was there in the darkest moments of 2020 and 2021. 

Back to my mentor’s question. What advice would I give myself? I’d tell myself, keep trusting God. No matter how dark it gets, keep walking, keep trusting. You need to go through everything you’re going through to get to where God wants you. And…don’t forget the lessons you learn in the next 2 years.