Links for Leaders 3/16/18

It’s the weekend…finally. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

This past week, my blog was named Christian leaders blogs for Christian leaders. Honored to be included on that list.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts on my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

Here are the posts I enjoyed:

The church I lead is in the process of hiring some new staff members, so this post on 12 characteristics to look for in spiritual entrepreneurs was really helpful and interesting.

I have one middle schooler and am a few years away from having more, so this article on 5 challenges and changes middle schoolers face was incredibly timely for me. Tons of great insights in it.

Writing sermons is a big part of any pastor’s job and many pastors struggle with their sermon in terms of crafting it, the format. My leadership coach has an enormously helpful way to craft it.

Some blog posts you read are simply sage wisdom for a leader, the thing you needed most to hear on a certain day. These 11 words for leaders from Ron Edmondson was that for me this week.

If you have kids, you have probably gotten frustrated with them and said or did something you regretted. But what if you could avoid that? That’s what Dr. Jim Burns suggests here. His suggestion of letting reality be the teacher for your teens is fantastic.

Stretching Yourself to Reach a Really Hard Goal

You know the drill.

You set a goal. A really big one. One that will stretch you, challenge you. It’s hard.

Really hard.

When we stretch ourselves, often we believe that we will succeed. We see a goal: losing weight, a promotion, saving money, starting a business or a church, and we think, “I can do this.”

Maybe you can.

Maybe you can’t.

The problem in leadership circles is that when we talk about stretching ourselves, we simply focus on the people who stretched themselves, climbed the mountain and planted their flag. We don’t focus on the people all along the way who quit, got eaten up and spit out, weren’t as successful or simply didn’t make it.

I don’t know if it is wishful thinking, thinking it won’t happen to us, but many of us talk ourselves into believing we’ll be the one who makes it.

I remember right after we planted our church, I was at a conference and the speaker said, “God’s will for your life might be that you plant a church and it fails.”

I thought, “He’s clearly talking to the guy next to me, because that won’t happen.”

But what if it did?

There have been seasons, dark ones, that God has brought us through.

What if the best thing for you is to fail?

That isn’t very encouraging, but our response to failure is often what propels us forward to the next thing.

Recently, I read The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact, and the authors said:

The promise of stretching is not success, it’s learning. It’s self-insight. It’s the promise of gleaning the answers to some of the most important and vexing questions of our lives: What do we want? What can we do? Who can we be? What can we endure?

Two very hard seasons of ministry led us to Tucson to plant a church, and those two years and God’s faithfulness through them is what kept us going many hard days.

If you are a leader, this has enormous implications on your life.

Your experiences aren’t wasted experiences. Your moments of failures, especially when you were so sure, are meant for something.

I often want to protect people I lead from failure. I want to step in and tell a younger leader, “I don’t think that’s a good idea” or, “You won’t make it.” But not anymore. It’s important for them to walk that road and for me to be there to help as I can.

As a parent, you can’t protect your kids from hard experiences. You aren’t necessarily meant to.

Stretching yourself is part of the journey, part of the learning. Part of what eventually helps you make an impact.

Fasting & Freedom

It’s the season of Lent, which means millions of people have decided to fast from something.

Many will post about it on social media (the irony is that many will fast from social media by telling everyone about it) and then proceed to tell us how miserable they are about the things they are fasting.

But is that the point?

Fasting is all over Scripture.

There is no command in the New Testament to fast, but in Matthew 6, Jesus seems to think we will do it as he says, “When you fast” (verse 16). Just like he said, “when you give” and “when you pray.”

What interesting about this context is giving (generosity), prayer and fasting have at heart, a desire to loosen our grip on something.

Giving loosens our grip on our stuff, and the role money plays in our life.

Prayer reminds us we are not in control of our lives or what will happen, that we need God.

Fasting is a way of letting go of the things that distract us. It might be things like food, social media, and Netflix.

Most Christians agree that prayer, giving and fasting are essential, just as Jesus said they are in Matthew 6, but many of us struggle to do it?

Why?

I think it’s hard. We wonder if it is worth the time.

Think for a moment.

Every (most anyway) follower of Jesus would say that they want to read their bible and pray more. Why don’t they? They would say that it is time. It is partly that, but also has to do with our desires

Fasting is a way of getting at both.

Fasting creates time, which helps us meet the desire we have to know God.

So, what things take your time that keeps you from spending time with Jesus? From meditating on Scripture? And prayer?

If it’s food, social media, Netflix, blogs. Fast from them. Take a day and don’t do those things.

For me, each month I have 5 – 7 days where I am not on social media, blogs or podcasts. Why? I love those things, and they take a lot of time (they also mess with my mind and heart sometimes). Not doing those things frees up time for me to focus on my heart and relationship with Jesus, but also to clear my head and heart.

Guest Post: Sticky Sermons Academy

If you had to guess, what do you think is the number one reason unchurched people choose a church to attend?

It’s not the music. It’s not the lights. It’s not even the kid’s ministry – at least at first.

It’s the preaching.

Thom Rainer and his team did research in this area and discovered that 90% of unchurched people gave the preaching as the reason they chose a church. WOW!

Gallup did research in this area, too. They determined that sermon content is what appeals most to churchgoers. More specifically, churchgoers are hungry for sermons that teach Scripture and are relevant to life.

All that to say, the sermon is important in SO many ways!

But I know the struggle and the grind that comes with preaching.

I understand that you’re busy. I understand that every week can be drastically different – sometimes making your sermon prep process a jumbled mess. Oh, and Sunday comes every week. And that fact, in and of itself, can be stressful when you’re working from scratch every week.

And heck, that’s just weekly prep work. There’s so much more to preaching.

Sermon writing is often a grind, right? And surely you feel the pressure to bring it with a sermon perfectly crafted that will keep people listening, stir them up a bit, and see them respond in some tangible way week in and week out.

*Insert cheesy TV voice* But wait, there’s more!

Good sermon delivery often feels so subjective that you don’t even know where to start in order to improve. And if all that weren’t enough, preaching can be painfully isolating. Then, add the overwhelming number of cultural issues our people are facing and struggling to deal with… And let’s not forget about our ever-changing methods of communication that present great opportunities for the furthering of the gospel message but can often be overwhelming to church leaders.

Whew. I’m sweating and it’s only Tuesday!

But what’s the point of all this?

I’m glad you asked. We have been hard at work putting together the most helpful, practical, and transformative resource we’ve ever created. And we’ve been doing it all for you.

It’s called Sticky Sermons Academy.

Sticky Sermons Academy is an online course and private community designed to help you preach memorable sermons week in and week out.

By diving in and giving yourself to the process, you’ll walk away with:

  • A sermon prep process that is for YOU and YOUR context – not mine or someone else’s.
  • A plan to get FAR ahead on your sermon planning and the tools to do it effectively.
  • A proven framework for sermon writing that adopts the elements of story so people will listen and respond to your messages.
  • Storytelling skills that will empower you to tell stories and anecdotes in the most effective way possible.
  • Sermon delivery techniques to focus on, work on, and improve on that will take your messages to a noticeably other level.
  • The how-to of preaching the gospel in every sermon and addressing cultural ideas in a gospel framework.
  • Strategies, tactics, and the how-to of extending your sermon past Sunday through digital communication channels – i.e. social media, email, blog, video, audio, etc.

And on top of this, we have a bonus section of video interviews where we dive into the many angles of preaching sticky sermons with pastors and church communicators of all church sizes and contexts. We’ll even be adding more in the future.

We believe that Sticky Sermons Academy can be a gamechanger in your life if you commit, work hard, and give yourself to the process.

Enrollment is now open!

Click here to learn more and enroll.

Also, you can get $50 off the course for the first 24 hours (this expires Wednesday, March 7th at 11am Eastern).

Just enter the coupon code FASTMOVER at checkout.

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Brandon Kelley is a pastor at The Crossing on the east side of Cincinnati. He is the co-founder of RookiePreacher.com and the author of Preaching Sticky Sermons. You can connect with him on Twitter @BrandonKelley_.

How to Love Difficult to Love People

Have you noticed that there are people in the world that are hard to love?

I know. Surprising isn’t it!

People disappoint us on a daily basis.

The people closest to us will often give us the deepest and most painful scars.

You disappoint people.

You will give the deepest and most painful scars to those closest to you.

For most people, we look past it, shrug and keep moving.

Yet, there is so much more to be had in relationships.

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus makes a startling statement, to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

What’s telling about this verse is, first, we will have enemies. We will have people who persecute us.

As I thought about this verse this past week, I was blown away by how often I’m surprised by this. We all are. But in reading Matthew 5, it seems like we shouldn’t be surprised by it.

Jesus doesn’t tell us why we will have enemies or persecution, only that we will and what to do when it happens.

Now, some enemies come along because we make them and do something to hurt someone else. Some enemies come because of sin and evil in the heart of another.

What do we do with enemies? What do we do with people who hurt us? Make life difficult?

We pray for them.

Notice that prayer and love are connected, so you get the idea that Jesus isn’t talking about calling down the wrath of God or thunderbolts, but praying as you would for someone you loved. Which means you’d pray for their good, their blessing.

Let’s stop here.

This is often the last thing we want to do.

This is hard and painful.

Why do this?

Jesus tells us so we can reflect the Father.

Have you ever wondered, What is it like to be on the other side of me?

If you’re a follower of Jesus, the answer to that question should be, “It’s like being with God the Father.”

Can you picture the relationship that is the hardest for you? The person who is hardest to love?

Every relationship has a tough season and hard times, and sometimes those go on for a while. Things irritate us and hurt us — words, silence, and looks, distance.

Every relationship book will tell you the same thing, the way we keep intimacy in a relationship is what happens once something is broken, the next move.

What does Jesus tell us in Matthew 5?

Love, go the extra mile, do the unexpected, allow that friend to take advantage of your generosity.

What is amazing about all of this is that it is unexpected, but it is also something you decided ahead of time. They didn’t do it, you did. You chose it.

How Pastors Should Think and Make Decisions

The longer I’m in leadership, the more I’m learning that thinking and making decisions constitute the majority of your time. You are constantly putting out fires, making choices, deciding what your church will or won’t do, what will get money, what will get time and effort, and what won’t.

In talking with older pastors or pastors of larger churches, the pastors who can think well do better.

In that vein, I began looking for books that can teach a leader to think better and make better decisions. Enter Think Like a Freak: How to Think Smarter about Almost Everything by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner.

Here are six things I took away to improve at thinking and making decisions:

1. Incentives are the cornerstone of modern life. And understanding them—or, often, deciphering them—is the key to understanding a problem and how it might be solved. A reason must be given for acting. Churches often fail at incentives. Pastors think people should do what they say in a sermon because it is in the Bible (and they should), but tell them why. Help everyone understand the incentive for doing it. This doesn’t mean giving them a health and wealth gospel, but there are blessings and benefits to following Jesus and taking God at his word.

2. Knowing what to measure and how to measure it can make a complicated world less so. Most decisions in a church are incorrect because they aren’t measuring the right thing or solving the actual problem. Make sure that you are measuring what needs to be measured. A helpful book on that is Innovating Discipleship: Four Paths to Real Discipleship Results by Will Mancini.

3. A growing body of research suggests that even the smartest people tend to seek out evidence that confirms what they already think, rather than new information that would give them a more robust view of reality. This is what the Heath brothers call the curse of knowledge, and many pastors and churches suffer from it. Often, to get the right answer or an answer that will help your church or life, you have to clear your mind of what you think is right. This can come from asking different questions, thinking about what someone else would do if they hadn’t started the ministry, program or church. New information is not always bad and can often lead to a better answer.

4. It has long been said that the three hardest words to say in the English language are I love you. We heartily disagree! For most people, it is much harder to say I don’t know. That’s a shame, for until you can admit what you don’t yet know, it’s virtually impossible to learn what you need to. Christians are terrible at saying, “I don’t know.” Leaders are just as bad at it. Yet, most of the time you don’t know. You don’t know what to say in a meeting, to a person you are counseling, or when you are sharing your faith. So say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” It’s okay to admit it. If you don’t know and then provide an answer, everyone will know that you don’t know and will lose respect for you.

5. Just because you’re great at something doesn’t mean you’re good at everything. The longer you are a leader, the more something you lead grows, the more people want your opinion on things, not just your area of expertise. Yet, you are an expert at something, not everything. I’m starting to learn the need to continue to specialize my knowledge and skills and stay focused on those areas where I add the most value and not get distracted.

6. Whatever problem you’re trying to solve, make sure you’re not just attacking the noisy part of the problem that happens to capture your attention. Find the root cause of a problem. Churches are filled with the squeaky wheel. The person who complains about everything or always says, “We need to have ___.” Or, “Why don’t we do ___?” “My last church did ___.” “My last pastor did ___.” This person is usually loud or has some influence, and so most churches acquiesce to them so they will be quiet. Yet, that doesn’t actually solve the problem. Starting a new ministry or program won’t always solve the problem. Why? Because the problem churches are solving is the squeaky wheel, not the need. For example, starting a men’s ministry will not solve the problem of men looking at porn. How do I know? Millions of men look at it and thousands of churches have men’s ministries.

In terms of making decisions and learning how to think through problems more fully, this is a great book. While not written by Christians, it was highly entertaining and incredibly insightful.

Links for Leaders 2/23/18

It’s the weekend…finally. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts on my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

I just wrapped up a relationship series at our church called Him & Her and so I’m writing some new related content around the series: The Key to Healthy Relationships, The Power of Sexuality and Our Longing for Intimacy in Relationships, 3 Things that Make a Great Marriage and How to Love Those Who Mean the Most to You.

I love this article about Ray Ortlund and his ministry. It was deeply encouraging to me. To see how I don’t have to be great in my 30’s or do anything incredible for Jesus, but can have the greatest decade in my 60’s and 70’s. I also love that he planted a church at 58 since so many people in their 30’s feel like they missed out on something. For those who feel like life has passed you by, this is an encouraging read.

Carey Nieuwhof shares what will drive church growth in the future. There are a ton of great insights here.

If you’re like me, you love new ways of communicating, marketing, etc. In doing that though, it is easy to miss those old things still work. Rich Birch shares 4 old school communication methods that churches should use. We use some of these but will start using more of these as well.

Most leadership blogs and books on what leaders do. Brian Dodd shares great insight about the 8 things great leaders know.

Doubt, Faith & Hope (Mark 9)

Doubt is something all of us have at different points in our lives. It can be related to relationships and doubting whether or not someone cares for us, will be there for us, or

can be counted on. It might be around finances and doubting if we’ll make it through a situation, but where doubt shows up the most is in our relationship with God.

We wonder if God hears us, cares for us, and wants to be close to us. We wonder if God has the power to change us, take away our hurt, our sins, change someone close to us, or has the power to heal us or a loved one.

In his helpful book Help My Unbelief: Why Doubt Is Not the Enemy of Faith, Barnabas Piper makes the distinction between doubt based on belief (the anchor of God) and doubt that undermines belief.

I think what matters with doubt is what we do with it.

The father in Mark 9 took his doubt directly to Jesus.

He didn’t hide with it, run from it, or pretend it wasn’t there.

Frederick Buechner said, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief” is the best any of us can do really, but thank God it is enough.

The father in Mark 9 struggled because of the immense pain he had for his son. He longed for his son to be healed, he was desperate, which is why he comes to Jesus and says, “If you can.”

Jesus responds that anything is possible for the one who believes.

Believes what?

That Jesus can.

The father throws himself on the power of Jesus.

Too often in my life, when it comes to doubt, I simply move in to control it. Others run from it and hide. Others lash out at the situation, but what we are called to do is throw it onto the power of Jesus.

Don’t forget the context of Mark 9 because that is crucial.

This comes right after the transfiguration, where we see who Jesus is, that he is God in human flesh, greater than Elijah and Moses, but that he is also the redemption longed for, the freedom longed for.

I think another thing is important in Mark 9 as it relates to doubt.

Hope.

Too often I hear people talk about life, where they are, what they are going through, as hopeless.

It’s easy to do. Life feels overwhelming. It feels like we are stuck and can’t move forward.

Yet for the follower of Jesus, it is never hopeless.

A follower of Jesus should never shrug and say, “It can’t get better. All is lost.” Or, “I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck.” Or, “I keep doing the same thing over and over and can’t move forward.”

That’s hopeless.

The father in Mark 9 is clinging to the smallest shred of hope, but he is still clinging and that is crucial.

Why?

Again, the words of Jesus in Mark 9:23: All things are possible.

All things.

How to Focus

If you’re anything like me, you need to focus. There are times when you need to hunker down and get things done. Yet, your mind wanders. You daydream or think about what will happen later today or tomorrow. It could be a conversation, a meeting or a vacation you can’t wait to start.

Your lack of focus might come from no desire to do what you are doing, how hard something is or because you didn’t sleep well last night.

Many times the reason I am not able to focus well is because of the whirlwind around.

Focus comes from having “white space.” This is the place where you are able to shut down social media or email and think. To narrow down what matters the most right now.

I’ve heard John Maxwell say that leaders could stop doing 80% of what they’re doing and no one would notice. That feels high, but there is some merit to it.

Each day you must be able to say, “If I accomplish nothing else today, here’s what must get done.” That focus helps you to stay on track.

When you find your brain wandering, stand up, walk around, get some fresh air and then return to something.

Focus for Your Church or Organization

Focus doesn’t just matter for you personally, but it has enormous implications for your team and your church.

Many teams lack focus. They are stuck in a whirlwind of activity, simply doing the thing right in front of them. In a church, this is easy to do because worship services come around with such regularity (every seven days), so there is a deadline to that whirlwind.

For our team, just like in our family, we talk through what is most important for the next 2-6 months as a team. What are we all going to be working on and moving towards?

Why Focus Matters

Without focus, anything and everything is important.

This is where many churches and people get off track in their lives and ministries.

Focus says, this matters more than that.

That is hard to say, because it determines ahead of time what you will think about, work on, spend money on and give manpower to.

Whether you sit down and write this out or say it, you do this exercise each day.

The ones who accomplish things and see greater effectiveness are the ones who decide this instead of falling into it.

The days that I flop into bed with a feeling of “what did I really accomplish today” are the days I wasn’t focused and allowed my day to get away from me.

Amazingly, as you read through the gospels you see the incredible focus that Jesus had. He was fully present wherever he went. Whether he was teaching, healing, resting, praying or spending time with his disciples, he was focused on what he was doing. When you think about what he did, you also get a sense of the things he didn’t do. He made the choices we have to make each and everyday: what will get our time, energy and attention.

10 Ideas for a Great Valentine’s Day

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d share the top 14 marriage and relationship posts that Katie and I have written over the years. Thanks for learning and growing with us over the years. Bookmark this page to use as a resource you can come back to. Katie and I hope this helps take your marriage to the next level.

  1. 11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage
  2. 18 Things Every Husband Should Know about His Wife
  3. When You and Your Spouse aren’t on the Same Page
  4. 10 Questions You Should Ask Your Spouse Regularly
  5. When You Manipulate Your Husband, You Lose Him
  6. 10 Ways to Know if You’re Putting Your Kids Before Your Spouse
  7. 7 Reasons You Aren’t Communicating with your Spouse
  8. Stop Pretending Your Marriage is Great
  9. Lies Couples Believe About Marriage
  10. The Power of Sex and Our Longing for Intimacy
  11. When Your Spouse Disappoints You
  12. Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Listen to You
  13. 3 Things that Make a Great Marriage
  14. The One Thing Destroying Your Marriage That You Don’t Realize

Happy Valentine’s Day!