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Links for Leaders 4/6/18

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It’s the weekend…finally. Today is a special day as it is mine and Katie’s 16th anniversary! So that’s fun. We’re working on a post about some of the things we wished we would’ve known when we got married, so stay tuned for that.

We’re spending it with our 5 kids traveling to Pennsylvania for my grandmother’s memorial service. So we’d appreciate your prayers for that (and the people who have to sit next to us on the plane).

And since it’s the weekend, it’s the perfect time to catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts on my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

Here are the posts I enjoyed:

It is easy to get tired as a leader or get stale, but staying fresh is important as a leader. Scott Cochrane shares 3 ideas to stay fresh and why it matters.

If you speak every week (or almost every week), understanding your audience is crucial.

Focus as a leader is crucial to success, but also incredibly difficult to have. Here are 8 ways to focus instead of multi-task as a leader. 

Inspiring people as a leader and a speaker is crucial and Kurt Bubna shares the secret to that.

Growth is crucial for a leader and a church or business and everyone desires growth, but many times we run into invisible barriers without realizing it. Here are 7 big barriers to church growth.

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The Frigid Marriage

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Have you ever seen that couple that seems cold toward each other?

I know that there are times when you had a big fight on the way to a party or church, and you are feeling distant from your spouse.

I’m not talking about that.

I mean the couple that you feel the icicles coming off of. You can feel the darts shooting from their eyes towards their spouse.

That couple.

Can you picture them?

Were they always like that?

Chances are, no.

At one point, they were close. At some point, they laughed till it hurt, smiled at each other, finished each other sentences.

They also loved to pursue the other one, help the other one and serve them well.

But something happened.

It could be anything.

Sickness, difficulty with in-laws or kids, financial struggles, lost dreams, health issues.

Most of the time, couples get this way because they just stop trying. They stop putting forth the effort.

It’s easy to do.

You are older now, you are more tired, and your energy level wanes.

It could be because of kids, career, school; because they all take a lot of your time and energy.

What tends to happen in many relationships, the longer they go, the more work they take.

The reason for this is that the newness has worn off. What used to be effortless (easy), now takes effort.

The longer you are in a relationship, the more effort it will take.

What marks a frigid marriage from a healthy marriage is the difference between trust and suspicion.

In a frigid marriage, you assume the worst in someone. When they make a remark that is hurtful you think, “I know what they meant by that.” The problem is, they may not have meant that, but you heard that.

Why?

You feel far away.

Recovering from a frigid marriage, ironically, will take what it took when you first fell in love.

Time, energy and effort.

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Fulfill Your Calling [Be You]

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Jealousy. Envy.

We all feel it.

We look at people in our field of work, we look at other parents, other athletes and wish we had what they had. We want someone else’s career, their platform, notoriety, success.

But do we?

Why is that such a big deal?

The longer I think about this and talk to leaders who are frustrated with their lack of perceived success, and it really boils down to a question of contentment in calling.

Everywhere you look, you will see people more successful than you.

Why?

I don’t know. Sometimes it is talent; sometimes it is because that leader worked harder, sometimes it has nothing to do with that.

What we often miss though is the work they put in that we don’t see.

We don’t see the sacrifices, heartache, pain, relational or emotional or physical loss.

When a pastor sees a megachurch pastor speak at a conference, all they see is that pastor speaking. They don’t know the sacrifice that pastor made to lead, hone their speaking ability, or even God’s hand. They don’t see the sacrifice that pastor’s family has made all along the way.

We don’t see the scars, the online bashing they went through.

So we sit, longing for their platform, wishing for God to work in our life the way He has seemed to work in their life.

But it doesn’t.

We go back to our church, the one God has called us to be the pastor. We look out at 50, 200, 500 people that God has called us to love and we long for thousands.

And we’re bitter.

Our people feel it. Our leaders sense it.

And if leaders are not honest, our heart grows cold.

This frustration leads many leaders to burn out, to quit, to move to another church, to seek a more significant ministry. Why?

Not because God called them (although sometimes he does), but because they want to be known as more than they are.

I think a reason many leaders burnout is because they have picked up a calling that is not theirs.

It could be an associate pastor trying to be a lead pastor. A lead pastor of a church of 200 trying to be a lead pastor of 2,000; or a leader who is very strong in shepherding gifts trying to manufacture visionary or administrative gifts.

Left unchecked, this will not only destroy the leader but usually their ministry and family as well.

But the church, local and big C church miss out on who this leader is. We miss out on their calling and gifts.

This is why Paul’s words in Philippians 4:11 are so important: I have learned to be content.

It is essential to see what Paul says.

He once was not content, and he had to learn it.

Being content is something you’ll need to learn as a leader.

The desire for growth and effectiveness are not wrong or sinful. Desire in and of itself is not a sinful thing. It can be, but the desire is often where we find our calling.

But being content is something you will need to learn as a leader. Without it, many leadership missteps will take place. Many heartaches and sleepless nights await you. And, you will miss out on what God has for you and wants to do through you.

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Tuesday Mind Dump…

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  • I don’t know if you’ve ever had a season where you feel like you are sprinting and you didn’t warm up.
  • That’s exactly what my life feels like right now.
  • With some transitions at our church, putting together the message for my grandmother’s memorial service, it’s been a hard season.
  • Last night I finished reading Michael Card’s book, A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament.
  • I don’t think I’ve ever read a book like it.
  • Lament and sorrow are not things I’m very good at as an 8 on the Enneagram, so this book was helpful for me.
  • I think what I’m learning is the most difficult to do in the midst of a busy season, is process things personally.
  • As a pastor, I spend most of my time helping people process things in their life, so I’m always in helping mode. Always looking outside of myself.
  • Last week, Katie and I met with our counselor and he asked, “What do you need to get to Easter?” Then, “What do you need to get to summer?”
  • If I’m honest, I don’t always know the answer or even act on it.
  • It’s a great question to ask because too often we don’t take care of ourselves.
  • Katie and I got to spend a few days last week in Denver assessing church planters through Acts 29.
  • It is amazing to sit around the table with couples who are planting or are on the verge of planting.
  • I love their passion, their hopes, and dreams. It was great for my soul to be reminded of that.
  • It’s also an amazing thing to sit and think about what potential lies within that person/couple and what God might do in and through them in their plant.
  • There are a lot of moving pieces in our church right now with staff transitions.
  • I’m blown away by the resilience, patience and passion of our leaders.
  • On top of getting ready for Easter!
  • I loved giving The 4 Chairs message on Sunday.
  • Here’s the big idea with a picture our creative team got.

  • I first heard this message as a college student and was blown away by it.
  • I’d appreciate your prayers as we continue our hiring process for a worship pastor.
  • I’m blown away by the leaders who have applied.
  • Makes me even more excited about the future of our church.
  • It’s not going to reach 70 degrees today, which means tonight might be the last great night for a fire in Tucson.
  • Our kids are excited about smores for pre-dinner.
  • If you did the crossfit open, I hope you’re glad it’s done. I am.
  • I have a love/hate relationship with the open.
  • I’m so excited for our next series at Revolution Church.
  • Were going through the book of Daniel in a series called How to be Brave. 
  • And this is still true about preaching through the book of Daniel.
  • Well, time to wrap up my sermon for Easter and finish out the sermon on the mount!
  • Back at it…
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Recovering from the Leadership Sprint

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You’ll often hear older leaders say to younger leaders, “Don’t go so fast, leadership is a marathon, not a sprint.”

Leadership is a marathon, not a sprint.

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There’s a lot of truth to this.

Many leaders, myself included, struggle to see what God can do over a lifetime of faithfulness and get so focused on the next thing, the next challenge, product, series, event.

Some seasons are busy. Breakneck speed busy.

Too many leaders (and families for that matter) move from one of those seasons to the next.

Without pausing.

How to pause in leadership.

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But how do you pause?

I think the key to longevity is the breaks in between the busy times. Should we be busy? Yes, but not overloaded.

Should we be busy? Yes, but not overloaded.

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Here are a few ideas to keep in mind to recover from the sprint of leadership and life:

1. Admit you’re in a busy season. There seem to be two ideas about busy seasons: relish them and talk about how busy you are. Feel overwhelmed by it and play the victim. Yes, there are other ideas, but these two seem to be the most common.

Being busy is okay.

Say, “we’re busy.” You planned it or at least didn’t prevent it.

It’s okay because it won’t always be this way, but it is right now.

You also need to be aware of when your busy seasons happen. If you’re like most people and most jobs, you have a time of year that will naturally be busier than another.

2. Engage fully in that season. It can be tempting to throw in the towel during the busy season, during the leadership sprint. You might need to, and you need to be honest about that.

If you can stick it out, engage fully, throw everything you have at what you’re doing.

3. Plan a break. The mistake most leaders and people in our culture make is not the busy times, but what happens after them.

Take a look at your calendar and determine that you will stop at the end of this sprint and stop. I think leaders need to put breaks, time off, hours, days off on their calendar as much as other appointments.

4. Be intentional about that break. It’s not enough to plan a break; you have to take it and be intentional about it. Failure to do this is why our culture jokes about needed a vacation after a vacation.

What things can you do that will recharge you? Refresh you? What activities should you do or not do?

These are essential practices to put into place.

Doing these will not only help you to maximize the sprints in your life but also make sure you don’t get overwhelmed by them.

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Links for Leaders 3/16/18

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It’s the weekend…finally. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

This past week, my blog was named Christian leaders blogs for Christian leaders. Honored to be included on that list.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts on my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

Here are the posts I enjoyed:

The church I lead is in the process of hiring some new staff members, so this post on 12 characteristics to look for in spiritual entrepreneurs was really helpful and interesting.

I have one middle schooler and am a few years away from having more, so this article on 5 challenges and changes middle schoolers face was incredibly timely for me. Tons of great insights in it.

Writing sermons is a big part of any pastor’s job and many pastors struggle with their sermon in terms of crafting it, the format. My leadership coach has an enormously helpful way to craft it.

Some blog posts you read are simply sage wisdom for a leader, the thing you needed most to hear on a certain day. These 11 words for leaders from Ron Edmondson was that for me this week.

If you have kids, you have probably gotten frustrated with them and said or did something you regretted. But what if you could avoid that? That’s what Dr. Jim Burns suggests here. His suggestion of letting reality be the teacher for your teens is fantastic.

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Stretching Yourself to Reach a Really Hard Goal

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You know the drill.

You set a goal. A really big one. One that will stretch you, challenge you. It’s hard.

Really hard.

When we stretch ourselves, often we believe that we will succeed. We see a goal: losing weight, a promotion, saving money, starting a business or a church, and we think, “I can do this.”

Maybe you can.

Maybe you can’t.

What do you do with failure?

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The problem in leadership circles is that when we talk about stretching ourselves, we simply focus on the people who stretched themselves, climbed the mountain and planted their flag. We don’t focus on the people all along the way who quit, got eaten up and spit out, weren’t as successful or simply didn’t make it.

I don’t know if it is wishful thinking, thinking it won’t happen to us, but many of us talk ourselves into believing we’ll be the one who makes it.

I remember right after we planted our church, I was at a conference and the speaker said, “God’s will for your life might be that you plant a church and it fails.”

God’s will for your life might be that you plant a church and it fails.

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I thought, “He’s clearly talking to the guy next to me, because that won’t happen.”

But what if it did?

There have been seasons, dark ones, that God has brought us through.

What if the best thing for you is to fail?

That isn’t very encouraging, but our response to failure is often what propels us forward to the next thing.

Recently, I read The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact, and the authors said:

The promise of stretching is not success, it’s learning. It’s self-insight. It’s the promise of gleaning the answers to some of the most important and vexing questions of our lives: What do we want? What can we do? Who can we be? What can we endure?

Two very hard seasons of ministry led us to Tucson to plant a church, and those two years and God’s faithfulness through them is what kept us going many hard days.

If you are a leader, this has enormous implications on your life.

Your experiences aren’t wasted experiences. Your moments of failures, especially when you were so sure, are meant for something.

I often want to protect people I lead from failure. I want to step in and tell a younger leader, “I don’t think that’s a good idea” or, “You won’t make it.” But not anymore. It’s important for them to walk that road and for me to be there to help as I can.

As a parent, you can’t protect your kids from hard experiences. You aren’t necessarily meant to.

Stretching yourself is part of the journey, part of the learning. Part of what eventually helps you make an impact.

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Fasting & Freedom

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It’s the season of Lent, which means millions of people have decided to fast from something.

Many will post about it on social media (the irony is that many will fast from social media by telling everyone about it) and then proceed to tell us how miserable they are about the things they are fasting.

But is that the point?

Fasting is all over Scripture.

Why fasting is essential for your spiritual life.

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There is no command in the New Testament to fast, but in Matthew 6, Jesus seems to think we will do it as he says, “When you fast” (verse 16). Just like he said, “when you give” and “when you pray.”

What interesting about this context is giving (generosity), prayer and fasting have at heart, a desire to loosen our grip on something.

Giving loosens our grip on our stuff, and the role money plays in our life.

Giving loosens our grip on our stuff, and the role money plays in our life.

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Prayer reminds us we are not in control of our lives or what will happen, that we need God.

Prayer reminds us we are not in control of our lives or what will happen, that we need God.

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Fasting is a way of letting go of the things that distract us. It might be things like food, social media, and Netflix.

Most Christians agree that prayer, giving and fasting are essential, just as Jesus said they are in Matthew 6, but many of us struggle to do it?

Fasting is a way of letting go of the things that distract us.

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Why?

I think it’s hard. We wonder if it is worth the time.

Think for a moment.

Every (most anyway) follower of Jesus would say that they want to read their bible and pray more. Why don’t they? They would say that it is time. It is partly that, but also has to do with our desires

Fasting is a way of getting at both.

Fasting creates time, which helps us meet the desire we have to know God.

So, what things take your time that keeps you from spending time with Jesus? From meditating on Scripture? And prayer?

If it’s food, social media, Netflix, blogs. Fast from them. Take a day and don’t do those things.

For me, each month I have 5 – 7 days where I am not on social media, blogs or podcasts. Why? I love those things, and they take a lot of time (they also mess with my mind and heart sometimes). Not doing those things frees up time for me to focus on my heart and relationship with Jesus, but also to clear my head and heart.

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Guest Post: Sticky Sermons Academy

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If you had to guess, what do you think is the number one reason unchurched people choose a church to attend?

It’s not the music. It’s not the lights. It’s not even the kid’s ministry – at least at first.

It’s the preaching.

Thom Rainer and his team did research in this area and discovered that 90% of unchurched people gave the preaching as the reason they chose a church. WOW!

Gallup did research in this area, too. They determined that sermon content is what appeals most to churchgoers. More specifically, churchgoers are hungry for sermons that teach Scripture and are relevant to life.

All that to say, the sermon is important in SO many ways!

But I know the struggle and the grind that comes with preaching.

I understand that you’re busy. I understand that every week can be drastically different – sometimes making your sermon prep process a jumbled mess. Oh, and Sunday comes every week. And that fact, in and of itself, can be stressful when you’re working from scratch every week.

And heck, that’s just weekly prep work. There’s so much more to preaching.

Sermon writing is often a grind, right? And surely you feel the pressure to bring it with a sermon perfectly crafted that will keep people listening, stir them up a bit, and see them respond in some tangible way week in and week out.

*Insert cheesy TV voice* But wait, there’s more!

Good sermon delivery often feels so subjective that you don’t even know where to start in order to improve. And if all that weren’t enough, preaching can be painfully isolating. Then, add the overwhelming number of cultural issues our people are facing and struggling to deal with… And let’s not forget about our ever-changing methods of communication that present great opportunities for the furthering of the gospel message but can often be overwhelming to church leaders.

Whew. I’m sweating and it’s only Tuesday!

But what’s the point of all this?

I’m glad you asked. We have been hard at work putting together the most helpful, practical, and transformative resource we’ve ever created. And we’ve been doing it all for you.

It’s called Sticky Sermons Academy.

Sticky Sermons Academy is an online course and private community designed to help you preach memorable sermons week in and week out.

By diving in and giving yourself to the process, you’ll walk away with:

  • A sermon prep process that is for YOU and YOUR context – not mine or someone else’s.
  • A plan to get FAR ahead on your sermon planning and the tools to do it effectively.
  • A proven framework for sermon writing that adopts the elements of story so people will listen and respond to your messages.
  • Storytelling skills that will empower you to tell stories and anecdotes in the most effective way possible.
  • Sermon delivery techniques to focus on, work on, and improve on that will take your messages to a noticeably other level.
  • The how-to of preaching the gospel in every sermon and addressing cultural ideas in a gospel framework.
  • Strategies, tactics, and the how-to of extending your sermon past Sunday through digital communication channels – i.e. social media, email, blog, video, audio, etc.

And on top of this, we have a bonus section of video interviews where we dive into the many angles of preaching sticky sermons with pastors and church communicators of all church sizes and contexts. We’ll even be adding more in the future.

We believe that Sticky Sermons Academy can be a gamechanger in your life if you commit, work hard, and give yourself to the process.

Enrollment is now open!

Click here to learn more and enroll.

Also, you can get $50 off the course for the first 24 hours (this expires Wednesday, March 7th at 11am Eastern).

Just enter the coupon code FASTMOVER at checkout.

___

Brandon Kelley is a pastor at The Crossing on the east side of Cincinnati. He is the co-founder of RookiePreacher.com and the author of Preaching Sticky Sermons. You can connect with him on Twitter @BrandonKelley_.

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How to Love Difficult to Love People

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Have you noticed that there are people in the world that are hard to love?

I know. Surprising isn’t it!

People disappoint us on a daily basis.

The people closest to us will often give us the deepest and most painful scars.

You disappoint people.

You will give the deepest and most painful scars to those closest to you.

For most people, we look past it, shrug and keep moving.

Yet, there is so much more to be had in relationships.

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus makes a startling statement, to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

What’s telling about this verse is, first, we will have enemies. We will have people who persecute us.

As I thought about this verse this past week, I was blown away by how often I’m surprised by this. We all are. But in reading Matthew 5, it seems like we shouldn’t be surprised by it.

Jesus doesn’t tell us why we will have enemies or persecution, only that we will and what to do when it happens.

Don’t be surprised when you have enemies.

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Now, some enemies come along because we make them and do something to hurt someone else. Some enemies come because of sin and evil in the heart of another.

What do we do with enemies? What do we do with people who hurt us? Make life difficult?

We pray for them.

Are you praying for the people in your life who are difficult to love?

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Notice that prayer and love are connected, so you get the idea that Jesus isn’t talking about calling down the wrath of God or thunderbolts, but praying as you would for someone you loved. Which means you’d pray for their good, their blessing.

Let’s stop here.

This is often the last thing we want to do.

This is hard and painful.

Why do this?

Jesus tells us so we can reflect the Father.

Have you ever wondered, What is it like to be on the other side of me?

What is it like to be on the other side of me?

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If you’re a follower of Jesus, the answer to that question should be, “It’s like being with God the Father.”

Can you picture the relationship that is the hardest for you? The person who is hardest to love?

Every relationship has a tough season and hard times, and sometimes those go on for a while. Things irritate us and hurt us — words, silence, and looks, distance.

Every relationship book will tell you the same thing, the way we keep intimacy in a relationship is what happens once something is broken, the next move.

What does Jesus tell us in Matthew 5?

Love, go the extra mile, do the unexpected, allow that friend to take advantage of your generosity.

What is amazing about all of this is that it is unexpected, but it is also something you decided ahead of time. They didn’t do it, you did. You chose it.