Tag Archives: pastor

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Preaching in Your First Year at a New Church

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Picture this. 

You have accepted a new job as the new lead pastor at ________ church. You have moved your family or moved offices if it is a succession process. You are excited and ready to go. 

You want to come out of the gate strong in your first sermon and sermon series. You want to show who you are and cast a vision for what is next. You are ready. 

But what do you talk about? How do you connect with people who don’t know you? How do you connect with people you don’t know? 

In the back of your mind, you wonder, what if you bomb? What if you choose a topic that no one is excited about or say the wrong thing and step on a landmine you didn’t know was there?

Go here to get an idea of what I preached when I first came to CCC in 2021. 

6 things to think through when you arrive at a new church.

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Know this is just the start. It is hard to remember this when you arrive, and you are excited about this new chapter, and the church is (hopefully!) excited about it, but remember, this is just the beginning of a long ministry. You don’t need to say everything in one sermon or one series. There are specific things you want to hit on in your first sermon and series, but as you stand up that first Sunday and the ones to come, know that this is just the beginning. 

Don’t make any grand pronouncements as you stand up on that first week and in the first months. Don’t discuss goals and numbers or where you will be in 5 years. Just start. 

Now, if you are going into a situation where things are volatile, the church is running out of money, etc., then you might need to share more specific plans to get out of the rut the church is in. But most of the time, you shouldn’t need to do that. 

Find out as much as possible about the history (and where the church is). Hopefully you learned as much as you could about the history and state of the church during the interview process. But if you arrive and still have questions, ask them.

When I arrived at CCC, I interviewed over 30 people and asked them the same eight questions to get an idea of where the church is, what was at the heart of the people here, and trying to learn as much as possible about New England. I read books and blogs about the area I was moving to, talked to previous pastors, etc. You want to become as much of an expert as possible about the place you are stepping into. 

You want to know things like: How many pastors have they had in the last 10 – 15 years? How many staff transitions have they had? Were there any moral failures or firings? Are they excited and hopeful or sad and grieving? Do they trust leadership or struggle to trust leadership? Every new leader walks in with a little bit of leadership change in their pocket because they are new, but depending on what happened before you arrived, that can impact how much trust a group of people give you. 

Find out what they preached before you arrived. This one is more tactical, but find out what they preached before you arrived. Two of the books of the Bible I wanted to preach through had been done in the year before I arrived, so I had to pivot. 

The other reason you want to know this is because it will also give you an idea of where everyone is, what they have been walking through together as a church, and the style of preaching they are accustomed to. While you don’t want to change your preaching style to something it isn’t, knowing what they are used to before you put your unique stamp on things is important. 

Preach on things close to your heart. As you plan your first sermon and series, preach on things you are passionate about and close to your heart. There should be a match between that and where the people are, which is one of the reasons God led you there. Is there anything that God has taught you in the last season of your life or your move that might speak to where the church is?

Let the church get to know you. Part of why you should preach on things close to your heart or things God has taught you recently is because one of your goals in your first sermon series is for your church to get to know you and your story. You can do this by sharing your testimony (which I’ve seen people do on their first week) or weaving things about you into the opening sermon series. At the end of your first month, people should have a clear idea about who you are, your preaching style, your marriage and family, and your spiritual journey. 

Keep in mind the season of the year and the season of the church. The last thing to consider is when you will start preaching in the calendar year and where the church is in the season of its life. 

Arriving in January, Advent, Easter, or the start of school will impact what you preach. 

Is the church excited or hurting? Do they trust or not trust the leadership? These questions help determine their season and what they most need to hear. 

6 things you need to know before you preach your first sermon at a new church.

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While your first sermon or series doesn’t make or break your ministry at a church, it does set the tone. So it matters to get it right. 

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One Key to Changing Your Church Culture

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Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

One of the most difficult aspects of a change in leadership is changing the culture of that church, group, or organization. 

You can change the values, the mission statement, and the strategy. But those changes to values and strategy won’t matter if you don’t change the culture. 

Why?

Because whatever the culture is, that is what people do. 

Tod Bolsinger said, “Culture is the set of default behaviors and usually unexamined or unreflective practices that make up the organizational life and ethos of a company, organization, family or church. In short, organizational culture is the way we do things around here.” 

Organizational culture is the way we do things around here.

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To change culture, you must look at how things are done. How do decisions get made? Who needs to be in the room for those decisions to be made? Do decisions get made by a small group after the meeting?

You can have the most outward-oriented strategy as a church, but you won’t be effective if your behaviors don’t match that. 

Many new pastors come into a church and think that if they change the mission, vision, or strategy, they have changed the church. 

But the group will always default to culture. 

How does that culture get set?

Culture is rarely decided on. A meeting is held to work through vision, values, mission, and strategy. But a meeting is rarely held to decide culture. Culture simply happens. It happens through behaviors, policies, celebrations, and demotions. When you cheer someone on, culture is set. When you scold someone or redirect someone, culture is set. 

John Kotter said, “Organizational culture is usually set by the group’s founders and reinforced through success. When a value leads to a behavior resulting in a desired outcome, the values and behaviors become embedded in the group’s DNA.” 

Culture is reinforced through success.

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One important thing leaders need to do is listen to the stories people tell. You will find the culture and where things came from in those stories. 

To change a culture, you must connect that culture change to success. 

People will always default to what brought success in the past. If they see momentum from a ministry project or behavior, they will seek to replicate that. 

As you change culture, focus on new behaviors and do whatever you can to connect them to success. 

To change culture, focus on new behaviors and do whatever you can to connect them to success.

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How to Bring Clarity to Your Church & Ministry

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Photo by David Travis on Unsplash

If you’re anything like me, you need to focus. There are times when you need to hunker down and get things done. Yet, your mind wanders. You daydream or think about what will happen later today or tomorrow. It could be a conversation, a meeting, or a vacation you can’t wait to start.

Your lack of focus might come from no desire to do what you are doing, how hard something is, or because you didn’t sleep well last night.

I often cannot focus well because of the whirlwind around me.

Clarity and focus come from having “white space.” This is where you can shut down social media or email and think. To narrow down what matters the most right now.

I’ve heard John Maxwell say that leaders could stop doing 80% of what they’re doing, and no one would notice. That feels high, but there is some merit to it.

Leaders could stop doing 80% of what they’re doing and no one would notice.

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Each day you must be able to say, “If I accomplish nothing else today, here’s what must get done.” That focus helps you to stay on track.

When you find your brain wandering, stand up, walk around, get some fresh air, and then return to something.

Clarity for Your Church or Organization

Clarity doesn’t just matter for you; it has enormous implications for your team and church.

Many teams lack clarity. They are stuck in a whirlwind of activity, simply doing the thing right in front of them. This is easy to do in a church because worship services come around with such regularity (every seven days), so there is a deadline to that whirlwind.

For our team, just like in our family, we discuss what is most important for the next 2-6 months as a team. What are we all going to be working on and moving towards?

In a church setting, it is easy to lose sight of why you are doing something or why something started, and slowly, it is just what you’ve always done. 

Why Clarity Matters

Without clarity and focus, anything and everything is important.

This is where many churches and people get off track in their lives and ministries.

Clarity says this matters more than that.

That is hard to say because it determines ahead of time what you will think about, work on, spend money on, and give manpower to.

Whether you sit down and write this out or say it, you do this daily exercise.

The ones who accomplish things and see greater effectiveness are the ones who decide this instead of falling into it.

The days that I flopped into bed with a feeling of “What did I accomplish today?” were when I wasn’t focused and allowed my day to get away from me.

Amazingly, as you read through the gospels, you see Jesus’s incredible focus. He was fully present wherever he went. Whether teaching, healing, resting, praying, or spending time with his disciples, he was focused on what he was doing. When you think about what he did, you also understand what he didn’t do. He made the choices we have to make every day: what will get our time, energy, and attention?

Communicating Clarity

Patrick Lencioni said, “A leader is to create clarity, communicate clarity, and overcommunicate clarity.”

This is hard as a leader because to do this, you have to be clear on what you and your church are doing. This can lead to a divide, and some people may decide they don’t want to move forward with you, which is hard to navigate. 

Once you have clarity, you must communicate it and continue to communicate it. 

This can feel like a broken record, and you get tired of hearing yourself say it, but you must remember that every time you communicate clarity at your church, someone hears it for the first time. I say the same thing every Sunday when I stand in our volunteer prayer circle. Why? We need to be reminded why we are there, and every week, someone is serving for the first time, so they haven’t heard it. 

How do you know if you’ve communicated it?

One is you are tired of hearing it. But the second is you start hearing people say it back to you. And thirdly, you start hearing people pray for it. 

When these three things happen, people get the vision. 

How do you know if people get the vision? One is you are tired of hearing it. But the second is you start hearing people say it back to you. And thirdly, you start hearing people pray for it.

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Pastors Lose 5 – 7 Relationships a Year

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The other day, I saw a post from Brandon Cox that stopped me in my tracks. He said, “Most people will lose 5 to 7 significant relationships over the course of their lifetime, but pastors lose 5 to 7 significant relationships per year.”

As I thought about it, that has 100% been my experience. I reposted it and heard from countless pastors, PKs, and spouses who said, “This is real life in ministry.” One person said, “My relational world improved when I stepped out of ministry.” One said they had “recently lost 90% of their friendships…and so have our kids.”

What is it about ministry that makes relationships and friendships difficult? Are they different from other jobs or spheres of life? 

I think ministry makes friendships difficult because of how relational church is. One would think that this would be an advantage, and while it can lead to community forming quicker, it can also lead to heartache when someone leaves the church. 

Before sharing thoughts on what to do about and how to be in ministry regarding friends, why do relationships end or become difficult?

Why are relationships in ministry so hard?

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As I said, ministry is relational, which surprises people who aren’t in ministry to hear the above comments. Because of how relational ministry is, friendships can begin quickly if you meet the right person. You spend a few lunches or dinners together after church very quickly. 

But often, those relationships end when you no longer hold the church (or something else) in common.

Most friendships in life are about proximity and frequency. 

Most friendships in life are about proximity and frequency.

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This sounds mean to say, but it is a reality. You build friendships with the people you see regularly, and when that regular basis ends, the friendship often ends or becomes less significant. Parents experience this when they know someone on a child’s sports sideline, but the season ends. The same happens with work friends or other hobbies that bring you together. It doesn’t mean you don’t like that person, but the relationship also changes when the proximity and frequency change. 

What does this have to do with pastors and churches?

Many of the relationships that pastors and their families have are in the church. When that proximity and frequency changes with someone, the relationship changes. Pastors and their families have always experienced this, but it has become more pronounced in recent years. Why? Covid and politics are a big reason for many of these relational changes. Pastors saw countless people leave their churches in 2020 – 2022 because of restrictions and decisions that churches made or didn’t make. For me, it was mind-blowing to watch.

But people leave churches for other reasons. They stop attending as frequently because of life situations, whether that is work, hobbies, or kids’ sports. They move, which leads to leaving the church. They leave because the church is changing (usually centered on the lead pastor’s decision). Once, our family lost over a dozen friendships because of a change at our church. It is hard to explain and comprehend that in your heart and mind. One person commented on my post about losing 90% of their friendships in a season of ministry. 

So, what do you do? How do you move forward as a pastor or if you’re married to one?

The first reality is what many pastors have done. They’ve left the full-time ministry. And this may be where you are, especially if you are struggling to keep a soft heart towards those in your church or even open yourself up to relationships. At the very least, consider a break of some kind. Having a soft heart and keeping an eye on how open I am to people is a gauge I’m constantly aware of. And this may be where you are permanently or for a season. Let me be the first to say I understand that and don’t begrudge you. While that’s a longer post, a person who steps out of pastoral ministry for any time shouldn’t feel guilty. 

But, there are some things to do to stay and move forward in ministry related to friendships. 

Navigating friendships and pastoral ministry.

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Prepare for losses. One of the things I was not prepared for entering ministry was the losses I would accumulate. This isn’t just related to friendships but includes them. People we have vacationed with, people we opened our hearts up to and shared deep and intimate things leaving you and stabbing you in the back, is incredibly difficult. Having staff members turn on you or your family is incredibly painful. Walking with couples through difficult seasons only to have them walk away from you and each other. 

You have to prepare for that. I wish it weren’t true, but it is part of leadership and ministry, especially regarding social media. 

You also have to prepare your spouse and kids for this reality. Because somewhere along the way, they will lose a friend because they are related to a pastor. And that is hard for them to understand, especially your kids. 

Is there another job where your kids can lose friends because of a decision you make or don’t make? I’m sure there are other jobs like that, but I’ve had a hard time figuring one out, which is one thing that makes pastoral ministry unique. 

As a pastor, you must prepare yourself and your family for losses.

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Grieve losses. But as losses stack up, you must grieve them, or you will carry them. This will take the work of a trusted friend or even a counselor. But you must have someone who can help you grieve the pain you accumulate in ministry and life. If you don’t, this will hinder your ministry, and you will make other people pay for the sins others have committed against you. You also need to help make space for your kids and spouse to grieve the losses they experience in their relational world related to the church. This becomes a bit easier if you move and are no longer at the church, but you will still carry losses even across state lines. 

Make friends inside and outside the church. When I entered the ministry, an older pastor told me I shouldn’t make friends in the church I was a part of because it was impossible. Many pastors have this idea. While I wouldn’t say it is impossible, I would say that making friends inside the church you are on staff at is important and necessary, but it also takes wisdom. 

As a pastor, you need to have a community in your church because relationships are about frequency and proximity, and that’s your church. It will also be very lonely for you as a pastor if you aren’t friends with people at your church or people you are on staff with. But you need wisdom about how those friendships go, what you share and don’t share. You have to be clear about relational lines, authority lines, etc. And that is where it gets difficult in a church setting. 

Pastoral friendships are important but take a lot of wisdom.

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It is also helpful to have friendships outside of your church. Other pastors know what you carry, your weight, and the difficulties you endure. People you can call and unload on, and they can unload on you. 

Keep your heart soft. It is easy in ministry to make your heart hard towards the people around you, to put up a wall to protect yourself and your family, and expect people to hurt you. You can’t do that. Yes, you should have wisdom, but when your heart gets hard, you must deal with that. On my way to church each Sunday morning, one of my prayers is, “God, give me your love for this church. Help me to see everyone through your eyes.”

My prayer each Sunday morning: “God, give me your love for this church. Help me to see everyone through your eyes.”

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Friendships and ministry are not impossible; they take effort. The same applies to adults, as adult friendships are difficult to navigate. The realities of church and ministry make friendships for pastors and their families unique. That is something to be aware of and learn from so that you can last in ministry because friendships are crucial to being healthy in ministry and finishing well. 

4 things to remember as a pastor when it comes to friendship and ministry.

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How to Handle Tension at Church

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Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

You will have a season of tension or crisis at some point in your leadership or church life.

This might happen because of something you do, a decision, or a change you lead. It might happen because of what is happening outside the church in the culture, politics, or within the local school system. The tension may come from a staff transition or sin within the leadership that affects everyone. The tension may come from disagreements between the staff and leadership over a decision. Everyone is taking sides, sending texts and emails and posting on social media about which side they are taking up.

You walk through the corridors of your church, and you can feel it. Everyone can.

You stand on stage and feel the daggers coming at you, and you struggle to preach to your people and to lead them lovingly.

What do you do in those seasons? How do you lead, keep your integrity, and hold the unity of your church?

How to lead through a season of tension at your church.

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Protect your heart (and that of your spouse and kids). As losses pile up in leadership, it is hard to protect your heart. It is easy to see people as the enemy instead of the devil. But the people around you, especially those upset with you or “taking the other side,” are not the enemy. They might make you into the enemy, but don’t let that creep into your heart.

This becomes even harder to do with your spouse and kids. They will feel for you and want to protect you; people might be talking to them to get to you, or they may hear what is being said about you. This places them in particularly difficult crosshairs.

You must know how you talk about the tension and the people involved. It will be easy to unload on your spouse and kids to share things you shouldn’t share with them, especially if you feel alone. Be aware of what you share. Yes, you need someone to share this with, walk with you, and point out your sins and blindspots, but you also need to be aware of how you speak of others.

Years ago, in a counseling class I took in seminary, the professor made this comment that has always stuck with me: When a relationship is out of control in someone’s life (boss, spouse, child, parent, etc.), or something else is out of their control that is a big part of their life (job, finances, health), they will take their anger, stress and anxiety out on the next closest authority figure and that tends to be the church and the pastor. 

What is difficult to remember is that the anger and tension directed at you as the leader often has very little to do with you as the leader.

Whenever someone leaves a ministry I’m a part of, I try to meet with them to hear about their experience, what I can learn, etc. At that meeting, more than half tended to be about something else in their life that had nothing to do with me or the church. That doesn’t mean they aren’t upset, but this comment has proven to be true in my life for over 15 years.

What if your church is filled with tension?

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Prepare yourself and those around you for losses. While I would love everyone to love every change I ever made as a pastor, that just isn’t possible. Change is different. Change means loss. Change means that what you used to be no longer exists.

When changes are made, when decisions are made, losses happen. When you cut a program or ministry and let a staff member go (for whatever reason), people will be upset and leave. People will direct their anger at you. That is part of being a leader, so you must be prepared. 

What is hard about leading is the relational loss that happens. The people you thought would be excited for the change were those who used to be there but weren’t. The people who got tired from transition fatigue (which is real) went to another church. These losses will stack up for you and those around you. Your staff and elders will feel it. I remember an elder saying to me once, “I’m just not sure I can do another transition.” Not because he didn’t believe in the change or what we were doing, but simply on a human level. 

Your spouse and kids will feel these losses in acute ways. They will wonder why that person is no longer there, why their friends don’t attend church anymore, or why they won’t talk to them because of a change you, their parents, made. And that will be hard for your child to understand and for you to navigate. So prepare yourself.

Keep your integrity. You will be tempted to treat people the way they are treating you. Remember, they are acting out of hurt and anger. It is okay to be angry, but don’t sin.

Keep your integrity. Don’t fall into sin. 

This means you must figure out how to handle your hurt and emotions. You will need someone to talk with who can listen, be supportive, point out blind spots, etc. 

Just because someone lies to or about you doesn’t mean you should return the favor, just because you are treated horribly by people doesn’t give you a reason to do that. 

Just because someone lies about you or to you, doesn’t mean you should return the favor.

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Yes, people will lie to you and about you. People will act immaturely. The people who will treat you the worst will surprise you. So be prepared for that.

Walk through the lobby with your head held high. As a leader, making decisions people don’t like creates tension in your church; people are watching how you will respond and what you will do and say. You will feel their stares and see people whispering to each other in the corner while stealing glances at you.

You will want to walk over and talk to them; you will feel embarrassment, hurt, and frustration as you walk through your church. This is all natural. But walk through your church and hold your head high. They are not your enemies but the people you are called to lead and shepherd. You must stay true to what God has called you to, even if everyone doesn’t understand or go with you.

How to pastor a church in tension.

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Say what needs to be said publicly and nothing more. You will be tempted to preach a sermon series on what is happening, to pulpit shame people, but don’t. This is hard, especially if you are justice-minded and like to win. For one, the sermon isn’t for that; the sermon is for good news and hope. Two, the people you want to preach at or to aren’t listening, damaging your church and your integrity.

You don’t need to speak to everything publicly; you don’t need to refute every rumor or lie. You need to speak to some things, but for most things, you need to let go. It will fizzle out.  Eventually, the people who are upset will leave, and you will be able to move forward to what is next. 

5 ways to lead through difficult seasons at your church.

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Seasons of difficulty and tension are unavoidable in leadership. They will happen. There can be times when you grow as a leader and take your church to new places. But, they can also be seasons that take many leaders off course or out of the leadership game if you aren’t careful. 

Navigate them wisely so that you can lead not only in the season of tension but in the one that comes after (which will hopefully be a season of health and unity). 

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How to Plan a Preaching Calendar

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It’s the summer time, which means for many pastors, they are working on their preaching calendar for the coming season and year at church. The summer is a great time to pull back as a pastor, strategically evaluate your ministry, and plan for the future.

I’m often asked by pastors and church planters about how to plan a preaching calendar. While each church is different, I think there are some things that can be important for every pastor to think through when it comes to giving your church a healthy, balanced diet of preaching.

Before getting to those questions and guideposts, you need to decide that planning ahead is a wise idea. I just heard from a worship leader who told me he finds out what his pastor is preaching on as late as Thursday. If you are that far behind, it is hard for your team to plan with you. It creates stress for your group leaders (if you discuss the sermon, which you should), and for your worship leaders who are trying to plan songs and moments.

Now, someone will say, but if you plan too far in advance, you take the Holy Spirit out of it. Yes, that is possible. It is also possible to plan too late and have no room for what the Holy Spirit says. The Holy Spirit also can move months in advance, so this is a weak argument to me. Anyone who has followed this blog for any time knows that I am a proponent of planning ahead.

I would encourage you to take a day or two to get away with your bible, some books, and your journal and listen to what God is saying for the coming year for your church.

How to plan a preaching calendar.

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What have I already preached on? It is important to know what you have already preached and not repeat it. When I came to CCC in 2021, I wanted to start with the book of Ephesians, but they had just preached on it, so I had to pivot.

Change it up if you’ve done 3 New Testament books in a row. If you’ve done 4 topical series in a row, put an expository series in.

One thing that can help with this is alternating between Old and New Testament books.

What topics do I feel my church needs to hear? This gets at who is at your church, who you are hoping to reach, and what questions your culture is asking. Every year at our church, we seek to preach about marriage and relationships; and one on generosity and money. We will hit those topics every single year regardless of what books we preach through. Why? Our culture is always asking questions about those things.

Think through the seasons of the year. You also need to think through the seasons of the year. What people are asking and thinking about in January is not what they are thinking about in September. It is important to match a series to what your people are walking through.

What haven’t I talked about recently? This helps to identify the places you gravitate towards and helps expose things you are afraid to address or have skipped. This is when you look back at your old sermon schedule and see where you’ve been. Maybe you’ve been at your church for 5 years and never preached through a gospel or an Old Testament book. That would be a good place to start.

Questions to ask as you plan your next preaching calendar.

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What am I passionate about? This can be good or bad. It is good because you have to preach what you are passionate about. Otherwise, no one will listen. It isn’t good because you can easily preach what you are only passionate about.

Where is my church going? This is a vision question. What is coming up in the next year that you can preach about? If you are praying about planting a church, preach about that. If you feel like you need to preach on generosity or grow in community, preach that vision. This means, though, as a pastor, you need to lead with vision and know where you are going.

Is there anything big coming up I need to be aware of? As we enter 2024, the election is on the horizon. one of the things I’ve been thinking through is the topics I need to teach to prepare my church to follow Jesus in the midst of election season.

7 things to keep in mind when planning a preaching calendar.

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5 Questions to Ask Before Quitting Your Job & Taking a New One

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Many of us will struggle at some point whether or not to take a job, move our kids to a new school, or move across the city or the country (like my family did).

How do you know? How do you know if it’s time to leave your job? To take a new one? How do you know if now is the moment to step out and start that ministry, church, or company you’ve always dreamed about?

I think there are many questions to ask yourself, but here are five that I think you can’t miss if you want to make a great decision in this area:

5 questions to ask yourself before you take a new job.

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Do you feel called to somewhere or only called away from where you are? We often think of calling as where God is calling us, the new land, the new opportunity. And I think we focus on that because it is more exciting. But before you put a for sale sign up in front of your house and tell your boss that you are leaving, you need to be honest if this is more about running from somewhere or going somewhere.

Yes, God may be calling you into a new season, job, or opportunity. But are you finished where you are? Have you done all that God called you to in that place? I know you might be done, but is God done with you there?

I know you might be done, but is God done with you there?

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We need to be careful that we aren’t running from something we don’t like or something hard to get to the new, shiny opportunity.

And these are questions only you can answer.

Do you want to live there? Now, we can mistake the answer to this question and miss what God has for us because we want to live somewhere. And yes, God will call us to places that aren’t the fun, top 10 places to live. And that’s okay.

But I do think God puts a place in us, a place that we can connect with. The reality is every region in America is different. As Colin Woodard points out in his book American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America, America was settled by different nations, and those nations still impact us today. You can’t overlook that when you look at moving. I often tell people you have to want to live in a place during the most challenging time of year (whether winter in New England or summer in Arizona). 

Does the church need your gifts? This is important for you to discern when interviewing a church. One of the ways to ask this is, “If God answers all of your prayers, what does this church look like in 5 years?” This question is crucial because it explains their hopes and dreams for their church, and they hope you will take them there.

At one church, they told me they wanted someone to continue the legacy of the pastor retiring. The church was growing, and God was doing many great things there. The problem is, I wouldn’t say I like to maintain things; I want to build and create. Some leaders love to maintain something and hate building things. You need to know how you are gifted, what brings you life, and if that matches with a church.

5 questions to ask yourself before you quit your job.

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Is this the right next step? Just because an opportunity is in front of you doesn’t mean you need to take it. Is this the right moment for your family or your career? As Emily Freeman asks, “Is this the next right thing?”

What will you prioritize: your kids’ school and sports, money, location, church fit? While you want to hit the jackpot on a new job or opportunity, you must sacrifice something. You probably won’t get everything you want.

What will decide for you?

Some of that depends on your life season, your kids’ activities, how close you are to retirement, or if all your kids are out of the house or still in school.

What should be on your list of priorities is really up to you, but I’ve talked to too many leaders who did not think through this question, and they took a job that they regretted right away.

5 questions to ask yourself before you quit your job and take a new one.

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When Everything Falls Apart at Church

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Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplash

If you’re a pastor, married to one, or in church leadership, you have probably experienced a Sunday morning where everything that could go wrong went wrong.

It might be technical difficulties, angry church members, a sick child (or being sick yourself), a volunteer canceling at the last minute, or maybe you woke up and didn’t feel like leading and preaching that day.

I’ve been in church ministry since I was 18, and these Sundays happen more often than I wish.

Recently, I had one of these Sundays. I slept horribly on Saturday night; I woke up not feeling great, my sermon seemed off and disconnected, and the mood in the church just felt hard.

This will happen. Chances are good; it might happen this weekend to you.

As pastors and ministry families, we aren’t helpless in these moments. But it takes some preparation and wisdom to navigate these moments.

As I looked back, here are six things to remember and do:

What to do when Sunday morning goes off the rails.

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Prepare on Saturday night. We do very little on Saturday nights. We try our best to have a quiet night at home, watch something funny, try to relax, and get a good night’s sleep.

How your Sunday morning goes as a pastor starts with how your Saturday night goes.

Very few people will feel what you feel. This is good and bad. It is good because even if you feel off, your church might not. It can be frustrating because we’d like people to relate to us on this level, but that’s a different post.

Over the years, I’ve learned that just because I feel something at church doesn’t mean everyone feels something. Just because I feel off with a sermon or something feels out of sync, that might be just me. Now, there will be Sundays where what you feel, everyone feels. So be aware of the feeling, but also don’t overthink what you feel. 

It will happen at some point. While this won’t be a regular occurrence (hopefully!), it will happen at some point.

Pastor, here’s how to handle a difficult Sunday morning.

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This means you must plan how to handle it mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. How will you calm your mind and body to do what you need to do? How will you refocus?

This is why your prep and run-through are so important. I’m a big believer in doing a sermon run-through and think more pastors should do it. Whenever I have a stressful or difficult Sunday morning, I am thankful for the prep I’ve done and that I’ve already run through my sermon. This takes a massive weight off my shoulders regarding feeling prepared for what is ahead.

The power of prayer. One thing our elders do with whoever is preaching is pray over them before the service. This moment on a Sunday morning is incredibly powerful to me. To come together, share where I am, and have trusted leaders pray with and for me.

Take a deep breath and go. Ministry and leadership are hard. This is all over the New Testament, but whenever it gets hard, we are surprised. We must know the difficulty ahead of us, pray, be prepared, take a deep breath, and go.

6 ways to prepare for a Sunday morning as a pastor.

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10 Lessons from “Build”

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Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

Recently I read Build: An Unorthodox Guide to Making Things Worth Making by Tony Fadell. It’s part memoir, part leadership & organizational book. One that is worth picking up if you are a leader or a pastor. Many lessons are wrapped up in the story of his life and leadership. 

Here are a few that stood out to me:

Ten lessons from “Build: An Unorthodox Guide to Making Things Worth Making”

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The best way to find a job you’ll love and a career that will eventually make you successful is to follow what you’re naturally interested in, then take risks when choosing where to work. He spends a lot of time talking about how to get started in life and your career. He said all the stuff they don’t and can’t teach you in college – how to thrive in the workplace, create something unique, deal with managers, and eventually become one – it all slaps you in the face the second you step off campus. No matter how much you learn in school, you still need to get the equivalent of a Ph.D. in navigating the rest of the world and building something meaningful. You have to try and fail and learn by doing. He goes on. So when looking at the array of potential careers before you, the correct place to start is this: “What do I want to learn?”

When you’re in your thirties and forties, the window begins to close for most people. Your decisions can no longer be entirely your own. That’s okay, too – great even – but it’s different. The people who depend on you will shape and influence your choices. We know this as we age, but we take extra chances when we’re younger.

The way I made decisions in my 20s isn’t how I make decisions in my 40s because my life is different. I’m going after other goals, and different things matter to me. In my 20’s, I focused more on building my platform and career. In my 40’s, I’m more focused on my kids and the people they are becoming.

It is crucial as we age to evaluate how we make decisions, what drives us, and what our willingness to take risks is.

Customers need to see that your product solves a real problem they have today – not one they may have in some distant future. Pastors need to think about this more when they preach. What is the tension your sermon speaks to? This doesn’t mean that should drive your sermon, but can you articulate what problem your sermon will solve? Do you tell people what it will solve?

Meetings should be structured to get you and the team as much clarity as possible. We’ve all sat in meetings that accomplished very little, that wasted time, or left us confused. The whole section on meetings was an excellent reminder for me. Does everyone leave a meeting with as much clarity as possible? Asking, “Are we clear on everything, and who will do what?”

A great deal of management comes down to managing your fears and anxieties. The longer I lead, the more I see how my past affects me. Now, your past can be a great teacher to make sure that you choose the right path in the future. But, if you don’t deal with your past, it will have a way of rearing its head in your present and potentially harm your future.

Many pastors and leaders make decisions based on their fear and anxieties without realizing it.

A great deal of management comes down to managing your fears and anxieties.

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You must consistently check to see if you are acting out or making decisions out of your fears and anxieties. How much are they playing a role in your daily life?

You must pause and clearly articulate the “why” before convincing anyone to care about the “what.” Years ago, one of my jobs when I joined a team, was to find out the “why” behind what the church did. I spent months meeting with leaders, teams, and departments, asking, “why do you do what you do? Why did this ministry start? Why do we keep doing it?” Do you know what I found? Most people at that church could not articulate why they did what they did; they couldn’t articulate why they started something, only “what” they did.

What matters, it matters a lot. But, as Simon Sinek pointed out years ago, the why will always win the day, and you need to start there.

Many churches, teams, and companies can tell you what they do, but that isn’t as important as why you do something. Leaders must be clear and ensure their teams understand why they do something.

You cannot be afraid to disrupt the thing that made you successful in the first place. This is a hard lesson for leaders, no matter who they are. Especially if you created the thing that makes you successful, leaders must consistently ensure that what “got them there” doesn’t hold them back from what is next. This is why continuing to return to “why” you do something is so important.

If you have fifty people who understand your culture and add a hundred who don’t, you will lose that culture. It’s just math. The longer I lead anything, the more critical I see the culture of a church. The culture of the church decides what gets done and what is essential. Culture is how things happen. You can have the greatest strategy or ministry idea, but it will only be effective if your culture doesn’t fight against that.

The most important thing you have to pay attention to as a pastor.

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The CEO sets the tone for the company – every team looks to the CEO and the exec team to see what’s most critical and what they need to pay attention to. This took me too long to learn. I used to think that if I said the right things, people would know what to do, but I’ve learned that my actions tell people what matters. Does starting on time matter? What things do I check and double-check? What stats do I check? Those things tell my team and our church what matters most.

Then as you lead, “Your team amplifies your mood.” Your team takes what you think is essential and passes it on. If you want to change your church, you must decide what is critical and start paying attention to that and amplifying that. 

The lead pastor sets the tone for the church.

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