Author Archives

Josh Reich

Posted on

3 Traps that Hinder Your Spiritual Growth

by

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

In 1 John, John writes to his church, trying to help them live in the assurance that they have in Christ. To live the good life. 

He says, I have written these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. The whole book is about what keeps us from experiencing this daily and in eternity. 

The main point of 1 John.

Click To Tweet

In 1 John 2:15 – 17, he lays out 3 traps that keep us from living the good life, from experiencing the life that God has for us, here and now, and in eternity: the desires of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and pride in possessions. 

Let’s take them one at a time:

How to preach 1 John.

Click To Tweet

The desires of the flesh. John is speaking of a few things here.

He is speaking about misdirecting our sexual desire outside of God’s design. 

This can be sex outside of marriage, porn, fantasizing about someone you aren’t married to, or getting emotionally involved with someone you aren’t married to. 

Wishing your spouse were different, looked different, acted different.

This also applies to your personal feelings about your own body and the elevated desire you have to look a certain way or have a specific body type.

This also highlights what we are willing to do for love, the distance we will go to be loved. Or, how we will manipulate someone by withholding love to get what we want. 

What are the desires of the flesh in 1 John?

Click To Tweet

Here’s another way to think about this desire, a desire always to get your way.

In marriage, you stop pursuing your spouse and pursue porn or someone else. 

If you’re single and look at porn, you begin to rewire your heart and mind for intimacy and start to rob your life today and your future self and spouse of the joy God has for you. 

You stop opening up to your spouse and slowly start pulling away from them, to the point where you never talk or share your dreams, hurts, and joys.

This is the workaholic taking on too much. Never stopping to ask, Do I want this life? Should I accept this assignment or promotion? If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? There is always a trade-off.

This is the person who can’t slow down because they’re afraid, if I stop moving and doing stuff, what will I do? A woman once told me that she couldn’t take a day off or rest because she was afraid of the thoughts that would flood her mind. She was running.

In kids’ sports teams, there’s always a trade-off in your life. A friend recently lamented on Facebook the loss of his evenings and life as he and his wife try to juggle three soccer teams for their three boys, all under the age of 10. He’s miserable, and their kids are exhausted.

But there is a life he is chasing.

That’s the desires of the flesh. 

How your desires get in the way of the life Jesus has for you.

Click To Tweet

The next love he addresses: The desires of the eyes. 

This is the desire of what can be seen.

A certain life, a particular lifestyle.

In many ways, this is your ideal and dream Instagram account, whatever that is. 

A certain kind of house, a particular kind of family, a certain kind of grill, workout equipment, cars, vacations, food, clothes, closet space, hiking, and boating.  

Now, John isn’t saying that cars, shoes, grills, houses, or vacations are evil; they are morally neutral. 

The surprising way lust gets in the way of the life Jesus has for you.

Click To Tweet

It is our desire towards those things.

Why?

Because that desire consumes us and takes over.

We do whatever we can to have a certain life or appear to have a particular lifestyle.

We all have this. 

This is the desire to have everything.

Many of us have bought into the lie that you can have it all.

This is the belief that we can climb the ladder, have the perfect family, friends, hobbies, and a relationship with God. And yet, something breaks on the way up the ladder. Something always loses out in our lives because we are human and limited.

A lot of people believe the lie that they can have it all, and it is keeping them from what they really want.

Click To Tweet

Women kill themselves for this lie. Believing it is possible to have it all and look like you have it all, so that people behind your back say with jealousy, “She has it all.” That woman who “has it all” is often cracking and dying from the pressure and the sadness that she really doesn’t have it all, but no one knows.

If you’re a parent, it might be for your kids to behave a certain way, get specific grades, and get a scholarship. We kill ourselves for that, we push our kids to insane lengths for that. Why?

We say it is for them, but deep down, it is a desire to be seen a certain way.

Parents, most of the stress you feel and the pressure you apply to your kids is really about your need to be seen as a great parent, rather than what they are doing.

Parents, most of the stress you feel and the pressure you apply to your kids is really about your need to be seen as a great parent, rather than what they are doing.

Click To Tweet

If you’re a student, this is the life you’ve imagined and are working hard for. The approval of that parent or teacher that you are chasing after, and who always seems right out of reach. 

That’s the desire of the eyes. 

What does it mean to have unhealthy pride in your stuff?

Click To Tweet

The last love he addresses is Pride in possessions. 

Again, John isn’t telling us possessions are bad; he is telling us that loving them and having pride in them is. Being driven by them will destroy us.

This is the desire to appear important.

This is wanting to appear smart and successful.

This is why many people are in debt or are workaholics.

This is why people take specific jobs and careers. For a certain life, to appease a parent or a spouse. They give up a dream, a God given call, for something safer.

3 traps that hinder your spiritual growth.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

The Great Need for Church Revitalization

by

Photo by Ronni Kurtz on Unsplash

In 2014, Lifeway Research found that 4,000 churches opened their doors, and 3,700 closed their doors. In 2019, those numbers changed: 3,000 new churches started, and 4,500 closed. The rate of church planting does not keep up with the rate of church closures, which makes the opportunity and need for revitalization even more crucial.

The opportunity for church revitalization is so great!

Click To Tweet

There are several reasons for this. Church planting has become increasingly expensive. In 2019, the typical range for a church in the United Methodist denomination was $300,000 – $500,000. While many conference speakers will use the stat that 80% of church plants fail, NAMB (The North American Mission Board) has found that 68% of church plants are thriving. That expense is difficult to justify in a region like New England, where church attendance has continued to decrease. One reason is the cost of bringing a church planter to New England. The cost of living in Massachusetts is 47% higher than the national average. We have had incredible difficulty getting a family to move from another part of the country because of the cost of living and housing. 

Church revitalization becomes an option when church planting becomes too expensive.

Click To Tweet

While churches have decreased and closed nationwide, New England’s numbers are incredibly disheartening. The states with the lowest church attendance are Vermont (17% in weekly attendance), New Hampshire (20%), Maine (20%), and Massachusetts (21%). In Massachusetts, 59% of the population seldom or never attends church. “Missiologist J.D. Payne has surveyed individual cities and found New England cities to be the least in total evangelical percentage – Pittsfield, MA (1.5%), Barnstable-Yarmouth, MZ (1.5%), Providence, RI (1.7%), Boston (2.5%), Hartford, CT (2.7%), Burlington, VT (2.9%) and Bangor, ME (3.5%). These and other factors have caused many to consider New England an “unreached people group.” The church I lead is 10 minutes outside of Providence, RI. 

Some have pointed out that the reason for church decline is generational. 

Is church decline generational?

Click To Tweet

According to Nick Blevins, the average church has a 10-15% attrition rate yearly. But people are attending church less. According to Ryan Burge, in 2022, 39% of Americans never attended church, up from 35% in 2020. He also found that “The number of those who never attend church has doubled in the last 15 years, reaching 85 million.” 

One study states, “The average congregation size across Christian denominations is less than half what it was in 2000 – down to 65 from 137.” About 65-85 percent of American congregations have plateaued or are declining. Mainline denominations stopped growing around 1965. Some congregations along the way made the painful switch of adding a contemporary service and grew until about 2005. But since then, many congregations have struggled, unsure of how to reach young adults who do not fit historic congregations.

Why church revitalization is so difficult and needed in New England.

Click To Tweet

And while there are stories of churches beginning and growing, regionally, half of all congregations in the US are in the South. As a comparison, there are 1,393 congregations per million residents in the South compared to 750 congregations per million residents in the Northeast.

Here are some things I’m learning in my doctoral research on church growth.

Click To Tweet

What is it about the Northeast that creates such difficulty for churches? Why are there fewer churches per resident than in any other part of the country? One of the challenges is relationships within New England. Nate Pichowicz, a pastor in New Hampshire, points out, “Robert Frost, a native New Englander, published his poem, “Mending Wall” in 1914: a sort-of literary commentary on rural New England life from the perspective of a farmer. In the poem, two neighboring farmers meet in the Spring, walking along the stone wall which marks out their property line. The narrator questions the purpose of the wall, but his neighbor only responds with the proverbial maxim, “Good fences make good neighbors.” 

Here are some things I’m learning in my doctoral research on church revitalization.

Click To Tweet

While Frost did not originate this line, he no doubt made it famous. The sentiment undergirds the New England temperament, as it explores the tension between all communal relationships in the Northeast. New Englanders are reserved and guarded, tentative and contemplative, self-reliant and proud, principled and often stubborn. While not necessarily cold, we are not known for our “northern hospitality,” rather, we keep to ourselves. Despite our desire for friends, we struggle to embrace communal living.”

If you read American history, you know that the colonies began in New England, meaning Christianity in America started here. But it didn’t just begin there. Historian Harry Stout said, “In New England, the church would be central. New England’s mission began with the church.” But the church or New England lost its way somewhere along the way. 

Lessons for churches in New England.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

Where Are You in Your Relationship with God?

by

spiritual growth

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

It can be challenging to gauge your relationship with God and determine whether you are growing. Churches struggle to know where people are, because is it enough to just read your Bible? To pray and serve? How often do you need to do those things?

Yet, in Scripture, we are given clear stages of our relationship with God. You and I can have confidence in our relationship with God and know where we are, what the next stage is, and the path to those stages. 

According to Jim Putnam, there are different stages to our faith journeys: spiritual infant, child, adolescent, and adult. We can recognize where we are spiritually and emotionally. Because, as Pete Scazzero says, “You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.“

What is essential to recognize is that, according to John, all of these are followers of Jesus. They are just in different places. As in life, we are to grow and move forward. 

Infant (1 Peter 2:2 – 3)

An infant is a brand-new follower of Jesus. They are helpless in many ways and just beginning their new life.

Someone who is a spiritual infant might say things like: 

  • I need to go to church regularly? I’ve never heard that before.
  • I need to pray and read my Bible regularly. I don’t know how.
  • I didn’t know the Bible said that.
  • Tithing? What’s that?
  • I don’t need anyone else. It’s just me and Jesus.
  • I know Jesus is God, but isn’t karma real too?
  • I’ve just been baptized, but I still face challenges in my life. I thought Jesus was supposed to take care of all my problems.

A spiritual infant needs others around to help them grow, just like an infant needs parents. 

Are you a spiritual infant?

Click To Tweet

According to Pete Scazzero, an emotional infant “looks for other people to take care of me emotionally and spiritually. I often struggle to describe and express my feelings in healthy ways and rarely enter the emotional world of others. A need for instant gratification consistently drives me, often using others as a means to meet my own needs. People sometimes perceive me as inconsiderate and insensitive. I am uncomfortable with silence or being alone. When trials, hardships, or difficulties come, I want to quit God and the Christian life. I sometimes experience God at church and when I am with other Christians, but rarely when I am at work or home.”

What is an emotional infant?

Click To Tweet

Children (1 John 2:12)

A spiritual child is someone who is growing but still requires significant support. They need parents to provide for them. They don’t always know what they need or when they need it. Think of kids who need a nap!

People who are spiritual children say things like: 

  • I’m not sure if this church is meeting my needs anymore.
  • Don’t multiply my small group into two. We won’t get to be with our friends.
  • Who are all the new people coming into our church? The church is getting too big. And someone is sitting in my seat!
  • Why do we have to learn new songs?
  • I didn’t like the music today.
  • No one ever says hi to me at church. No one ever calls me to see how I’m doing. No one spends time with me.
  • I wasn’t fed at all by that sermon today.
  • I’d serve, but no one has asked me.

You might be a spiritual child if…

Click To Tweet

An emotional child is someone who, when life is going my way, I am content. However, as soon as disappointment or stress enter the picture, I quickly unravel inside. I often take things personally, interpreting disagreements or criticism as a personal offense. When I don’t get my way, I frequently complain, throw an emotional tantrum, withdraw, manipulate, drag my feet, become sarcastic, or take revenge. I often find myself relying on the spirituality of others because I am so overwhelmed and distracted. My prayer life primarily involves talking to God, telling Him what to do and how to fix my problems. Prayer is a duty, not a delight.

Are you an emotional child?

Click To Tweet

I would say, if you have been in church for a few years, there is no reason for you to be a spiritual infant or child. 

Young Adult (1 John 2:13 – 14)

A spiritual young adult is beginning to lead, taking significant steps in owning their spiritual journey. 

A spiritual young adult says things like: 

  • I was reading my Bible today, and I have a question about something. 
  • I love serving, and I can see how God has gifted me and how he is using me. 
  • Our small group keeps growing, so we need to start another one, and I’m going to apply to lead one. 
  • Someone missed the small group this past week. I’m going to check to see if they are okay. 
  • Look at how many people were at church today. I love seeing all the new faces!

How to know if you are a spiritual young adult.

Click To Tweet

An emotional young adult says, “I don’t like it when others question me. I often make quick judgments and interpretations of people’s behavior. I withhold forgiveness from those who sin against me, avoiding or cutting them off when they do something to hurt me. I subconsciously keep records of the love I give out. I struggle to truly listen to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs without becoming preoccupied with my own concerns. I sometimes find myself too busy to spend adequate time nourishing my spiritual life. I attend church and serve others, but enjoy few delights in Christ. My Christian life is still primarily about doing, rather than being with Him. Prayer continues to be mostly me talking with little silence, solitude, or listening to God.”

How to know if you are an emotional young adult.

Click To Tweet

Parent (2 Timothy 2:1 – 2)

A spiritual father or mother is someone who has taken ownership of their spiritual growth. They are also taking responsibility to help others grow, just like a parent does for a child. They are discipling other disciples, who will in turn disciple other disciples. 

They say things like: 

  • Someone at work asked me a question about the Bible, can you pray for me when I talk to him, and that he would be open to the gospel?
  • I want to be aware of my behavior as a witness at work and at home. 
  • They see the most critical discipleship opportunity as their children. 
  • They are always on the lookout for new people to disciple and for new leaders to lead new groups or teams.

How to know you are a spiritually mature adult.

Click To Tweet

An emotional parent says, “I respect and love others without having to change them or becoming judgmental. I value people for who they are, not for what they can give me or how they behave. I take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings, goals, and actions. I can state my own beliefs and values to those who disagree with me — without becoming adversarial. I am able to accurately self-assess my limits, strengths, and weaknesses. I am deeply convinced that I am absolutely loved by Christ and, as a result, do not look to others to tell me I’m okay. I am able to integrate doing for God and being with him (Mary and Martha). My Christian life has moved beyond simply serving Christ to loving him and enjoying communion with him.”

How to know you are an emotionally mature adult.

Click To Tweet

Where do you find yourself? What is your next step to grow into the next stage of your spiritual or emotional growth?

As I said on Sunday, this isn’t always a linear journey. This is not a salvation issue, but a matter of sanctification. There may be seasons when you are growing and living as a spiritual parent, and then you find yourself moving backward to the stage of a young adult or child. This is why the grace and forgiveness John talks about are so essential in the life of a believer. 

Posted on

How to Start a New Small Group on the Right Foot

by

Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash

The first meeting of any group or team is crucial. It sets the tone for the rest of the season or time for that group. The same is true for starting a new small group or Bible study at your church. Whether it is a class meeting at church or a group meeting in your home, it matters to start on the right foot. 

With that in mind, here are a few ideas for small group leaders as they start a new group or a new season of a group:

6 ideas to start a small group on the right foot at your church.

Click To Tweet

1. Pray for your group members. I know you do this, but pray for each of them by name, asking God to use your group to meet each person and for each person to speak to the whole group. This is an incredible opportunity to not only help people experience community but to take their next step in their spiritual journey. Pray expectantly, knowing that the Holy Spirit loves to answer our requests to help us become more like Jesus.

2. Contact each of them to let them know the details of the group. A simple welcome text or email to let them know when and where you will be meeting, if you are eating a meal or having snacks, and encourage them to bring their Bibles. Also, let them know any expectations you have as the leader, especially if you are meeting at your house. This contact is a tone-setting contact, so be excited and cheerful as you get started!

3. Read through the passage you will be discussing. One of the most essential parts of being a group leader is to read the passage and the questions you will be discussing. You don’t need to get to all the questions, and you might have some of your own after listening to the sermon. Use whatever helps your group to engage best with the passage from Sunday. Our church discusses the sermon, which is a simple way to keep us all on the same page and moving as one.

4. Use the story cards to start each week. Story cards are a simple way to get people talking each week. They are cards with a photo on them, and we use them by asking people to pick a card that answers a question.

As people answer, they will inevitably start to tell a story or give more explanation. You can also ask them why they chose that card to help encourage them. We have found story cards to be an effective way to promote conversation, as using a photo to share something is often easier than answering a question about three interesting facts about yourself. 

Simply lay out the cards on a table each week you use them, along with a question, and have people grab a card. We use the cards each week in the groups we lead and would encourage you to do the same. 

Here are some other questions you can use: 

  • What card describes your spiritual journey right now? You can use this question often because our spiritual journeys are changing. 
  • What is one word that describes your summer? Why did you choose that word?
  • Which card describes your summer or childhood, middle school, high school, or college season of life, etc.?
  • Which card describes how you see God?
  • Which card describes your prayer life right now?

5. Share evidence of God’s grace. I mentioned in a sermon how each week, when we lead a group, we go around the table and ask people to share times and places where they saw God working in their lives. These can be small ways or big ways, answers to prayers, God’s provision, healing, or an opportunity to share the gospel with someone. The goal is to help your group see how God is at work all around them. This is a simple way to set the tone of your group, and even if only one person shares, it is a reminder that God is at work, even if you don’t see it.

6. Leadership is a marathon. While the first meeting is important, it is just one of many. Chances are, you will lead a group with many of these people for years to come. There will be highs and lows. There will be nights where the discussion flows and others where it is a slog. Don’t get discouraged. Remember that leading a group is a marathon and that our journey to become more like Christ is a lifetime journey. God is going to use you in mighty ways, so keep your hands open and ask for eyes ot see what the Spirit of God is doing.

6 things to remember when you start a small group.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

Forgiveness, Freedom and The Good Life

by

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

At some point in your relationships, you will be hurt. Someone will say something that marks you; it might be a small thing or something that changes your relationship(s) forever. You might be the one who says something. Maybe you have already experienced this and wondered, How do I trust again? How do I forgive that person and move forward?

Our ability to forgive someone and move forward has an enormous impact on our ability to live in and experience the good life that God has for us. 

How do you forgive that person and move forward?

Click To Tweet

When forgiveness comes up, we immediately jump to what is next. It is natural. But there is an interesting phrase that Jesus uses in Matthew 18 when he talks about forgiveness and reconciliation. 

In verse 15, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you.”

A question Jesus wants us to ask that we often skip over is: Did they sin against me or just annoy me?

Click To Tweet

So, before confronting or bringing someone with us, we need to step back and ask, “Did this person sin against me?” Or did they do something I didn’t like?

The reality is that they may have sinned against you, and you need to confront this issue. They may also have done something you didn’t like. The reason I start here is that we often get hung up on and ruminate on things we should let go of more quickly. 

Once you have clarity on whether it is something for you to wrestle with and let go of, or if it is indeed something you need to confront someone about or navigate the steps of forgiveness, you can move forward. 

Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet, in real life, it is complicated and messy. Often, we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness, we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person,” or “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.

How to Forgive, Let Go & Deal with Hurt in Relationships.

Click To Tweet

Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not, because many of us have the wrong idea about forgiveness. 

5 things forgiveness is not.

Click To Tweet

Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgive and forget is not a reality. We will always remember. It is a part of our story and past. We will not forget the room, the smell, the face, the words. 

Forgiveness does not always mean reconciling or trusting. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have a relationship with them moving forward. Wisdom might require you to have boundaries. You can forgive them and release them, but the wisdom may tell you not to trust them. You can also reconcile with them and not trust them to the same degree you once did. 

Forgiveness does not mean excusing what happened. This goes with forgetting, but forgiveness does not mean you are ignoring it or saying it’s no big deal. 

Forgiveness is not simple or easy. When the other person pushes you to forgive, they underestimate the impact of their words and actions. Forgiveness is complex and challenging. 

Forgiveness does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness. They don’t need to apologize for you to forgive and let them go. Stop letting them take up real estate in your heart and mind.

5 myths about forgiveness.

Click To Tweet

Forgiveness involves letting go, canceling what is owed to you, and relinquishing the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge; as we see in Romans 12:19, it leaves it in God’s hands.

As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few things to keep in mind:

3 things to remember when you forgive.

Click To Tweet

Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.

Giving forgiveness carries a cost. There is a cost to forgiveness. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive.”

Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sins, knowing we would fail repeatedly. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.

How to forgive, let go of your hurt, and move forward in relationships.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

The Crucial Step to Freedom We Often Miss

by

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

All of us have things in our lives that we wish we were free from. Sins, hurts, betrayals, hang-ups, and addictions ruin so many parts of our lives. They have destroyed relationships, created all kinds of stress, destroyed careers, and taken us so far off track that it is sometimes hard to find the path to the life God wants us to live. 

We try all kinds of things to get our lives and relationships together. We listen to podcasts, go to counseling, join groups, and read books. All of those can be helpful, so you should do them. But as we see in 1 John, John gives us a clear first step to freedom: Confession. 

Confession is the doorway to God’s grace and forgiveness.

Confession is the doorway to God’s grace and forgiveness.

Click To Tweet

But it is often the last thing we want to do. We don’t like to apologize to anyone, especially God. We, like the people John was writing to, would like to minimize the sin in our lives. Act as if it’s no big deal, or as if there’s no sin in your hearts and lives. 

Yet, deep down, we know that there is. 

We need confession. 

But why? John tells us in 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

Click To Tweet

Our confession is not successful because we are really sorry or groveling. Our confession is successful because of who God is, because of his character.

If we’re honest, confession is not something we like to do. We don’t want to do it in our relationships. We don’t like to apologize. In fact, when someone says we hurt them, a favorite apology in our culture is, “I’m sorry you felt hurt.” That’s not an apology, that’s blaming them for being hurt.

My guess is that you don’t like to confess wrongdoing to someone else or to God. It shows weakness, need, and admits we did something wrong.

Confession, though, is something we must do; our soul, our heart, needs confession. Our relationship with God needs confession.

We need God’s grace, and it is only through confession that we receive it.

Confession is being honest with yourself and God about who you are and who He is.

Confession is being honest with yourself and God about who you are and who He is.

Click To Tweet

But how do we practice this? 

What happens when we confess our sins.

Click To Tweet

Richard Foster, in his excellent book Celebration of Discipline, said there are 3 things involved in confession:

1. We examine ourselves. Where is our sin? Where does it stem from? We ask our kids, Why did you do that?

That’s a great question during the examination of your heart. This is where our souls come under the gaze of God. We’ve already been told God is light, and that is a good thing. In this, we are also inviting God to show us places that need forgiveness and healing. 

Be specific. 

Do you know what is amazing in the gospels? When people came to Jesus, they came with particular things—specific requests. Bring specific things to Jesus in confession, specific situations, relationships, and specific hurts. Don’t generalize.

2. Sorrow. Sorrow is one of the reasons we avoid confession. But sorrow is crucial. We have sinned against both someone and God. This is a godly sorrow because what we have done is against the heart of God.

3. A determination to avoid sin. This is where we ask God to give us a passion for holy living, to provide us with a desire to fight our sin, and to help us hate it.

3 things we must do when we confess our sins.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

The Halfway Point of the Year & the Top 10 Posts of 2025

by

It is hard to believe that it is the middle of Summer. Honestly, it feels like it’s almost over as we get closer to our two oldest heading to college in August, but we’ll hold on to as many sunny beach days as we can in New England.

If you are new to my blog or missed some posts this past year, here are the top 10 posts of the year so far to help you catch up on your summer reading!

Top 10 posts of the year so far!

Click To Tweet

  1. The Power of Sex, Love, and Intimacy in our Lives
  2. 8 Things I Wished People Knew about Enneagram 8’s
  3. Pastors Lose 5 – 7 Relationships a Year
  4. Preaching in Your First Year at a New Church
  5. 5 Lessons from the Upper Room Discourse (John 13 – 17)
  6. When You’re Passed Over or Rejected for a Job
  7. 18 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife
  8. How to Know It’s Time to Leave a Ministry
  9. 11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage
  10. One Way Pastors Harm Their Marriages
Most read posts of 2025.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

How to Handle Pastoral Transitions

by

Photo by Memento Media on Unsplash

At some point in your leadership as a pastor, you will have a staff member, elder, deacon or volunteer resign and say, “I’m done.” It might happen suddenly, as if out of nowhere. It might be mutually a good idea. It may be hard to accept, or it may be a hidden blessing. Regardless of the situation, there are some things you can do to honor them, communicate it in a way that benefits both the person leaving and the organization, and move forward.

Many churches struggle in this area because there is the balancing act of sharing what happened behind closed doors, honoring the person who is leaving, and answering questions people might have who weren’t involved. What makes churches even more challenging than a secular company is the reality of “being the family of God.” How do you fire someone who is part of the family? Because of this, the feelings involved become complicated very quickly. Churches usually either act completely like a public company and use an NDA, or they hold on to someone too long. 

Regardless, at some point, you will have someone resign or you will have to let someone go. 

Here are 8 ideas to navigate that so that it can be helpful for you as the leader, for the person leaving, and for your church: 

8 things to do when a staff member quits.

Click To Tweet

1. Find out the whole story from the person. When people leave a situation, they tend not to tell the entire story. They will often tell their boss or ministry leader only what they’re comfortable sharing or what they think the other person wants to hear. Do as much as you can to find out exactly what happened and why they are leaving. Find out what is underneath things and keep digging. This will help you to learn as a leader if you did something wrong or if there is something unhealthy in your church. Avoid simple Christian clichés if possible; instead, ask them to explain it. Too often in these situations, because they are difficult, people in a church environment hide behind “God told me, God is moving me,” etc.

They might not be willing or able to share the whole story with you as their boss, and that is okay. Don’t pressure them. But ask curious questions and listen. Hidden in their frustration or hurt might be some things that you, as a leader, need to learn or things your church needs to face.

2. Honor them and what they’ve done publicly as much as possible. The person leaving has done a lot for your church, whether you want to admit it or not. Even though it is difficult and hurts, honor them. They’ve meant something to you, your church, and others. Honor them. Thank them. Give people a chance to say thank you. People care deeply about how much you honor someone. This gives you an opportunity to demonstrate to others how your church treats people. Someday, your church may treat you the way you treat leaders who have transitioned out of their roles.

As people come up to you, the pastor staying, and share with you how much that person meant to them, or share their frustration and hurt at leaving, don’t get jealous or angry. The ability to differentiate your emotions in this moment is incredibly important.

3. Say what only needs to be said publicly. If sin is involved, relational strife, poor job performance or anything else that is difficult, you don’t need to put that out there. I’m not suggesting that you lie or take an arrow for someone else’s sin or stupidity; you just don’t need to share everything with them. Each situation will dictate what you say. Over the years in the churches I’ve worked in, we’ve had people leave on their own, staff members we’ve let go, had elders or staff members who disqualified themselves, and because each situation is different, it has changed what we said publicly. If the person leaving is not a well-known on-stage figure in the ministry, don’t bring them on stage to say goodbye. Discuss it in the places where this person has touched and affected others.

This one is hard because no matter what you say publicly, it will not be enough for someone in your church. Do your best if you can to answer those questions personally. I always do my best to meet with anyone who wants to meet with me to answer questions in these situations. You should include another leader or elder with you so that you don’t miss something, and that person can also help you navigate your emotions in these meetings. 

What to say and not say publicly during pastoral transitions.

Click To Tweet

4. Publicly, focus on the future. When you make the public announcement and have thanked the person or explained what happened, spend as much time as possible focusing on the future and how things will not fall apart. I would say in the “official” announcement, you need to spend 80% of the time on the future. Show people that you are moving forward, and the ministry or church will survive.

This might feel callous to those who were close to the person leaving. And that is real and an important feeling. 

Depending on the person, there is also a whole segment of your church that will shrug when someone leaves. As the leader, you are balancing both of these feelings and thoughts.

5. Be honest publicly and privately. As a pastor, don’t lie. Every fact doesn’t need to be shared, but don’t lie. In private, don’t make things up, don’t bash the person. Have one person you are venting to if it’s a difficult situation, who is speaking into your heart on the situation, but don’t have a team of people you are venting to.

Also, as the leader, you should have someone who loves you who is giving you feedback on your ability to hear what others are saying, how you are responding, and how you are coming across.

6. Honor them financially. Whatever the situation, you are called to shepherd them and care for them. Go above and beyond financially in terms of salary and insurance. Once, we relocated a pastor who had been with us for three months back to Indiana. He wasn’t a fit, and everyone knew it quickly, and they had just moved, so we felt the honorable thing was to move them back to where they came from. Sometimes you give months of salary and benefits, sometimes you give a week. Again, it depends on the situation. One rule of thumb I’ve used is: if this became public, what would people think of us and how we’ve handled this, and what we gave the person? Another way to think about it is, would I want the same treatment I am giving this person?

Again, you are a church and not a business. So while some business principles might apply here, you also need to handle things differently. You need to steward things for your church. 

How long should staff transitions take in a church? The answer might surprise you.

Click To Tweet

7. Create a transition plan as quickly as possible. Don’t wait to decide what is next for the ministry. Grieve what is happening, find out the story, and start on a plan. Don’t wait around. If you are the lead pastor or the leader of a ministry area, take the lead and get this done. People will want to know the ship is being steadied and you are moving forward.

Transitions are the seasons when people can leave your church, momentum can be lost, or it can be a moment to move in a new direction and experience new energy and vision.

8. Transition them as quickly as possible. This last one will seem unloving because it is a church environment. When someone says, “I’m done,” they’ve likely been feeling that way for weeks or possibly months; they’ve just now verbalized it. This means their passion is gone, their calling is gone, and they are done. Getting them out of their role as quickly as possible, in the long run, is the best thing for them and the ministry. Staying around for 3-12 months doesn’t benefit anyone. Make a plan, honor them, take care of them, and move them on as quickly as possible.

How to handle staff transitions in a church.

Click To Tweet

These situations are sticky, and they are all different. As a leader, you will walk through this too many times to count. Each one hurts. They are people you’ve invested in, loved, cared for, and worked with, and watching them leave always feels personal. You either feel like you did something wrong, missed signs, hired the wrong person, or were lied to or let down. Grieve the situation. Learn as much as you can and move forward to become better and resolve the situation.

Posted on

How It Starts vs. How It Ends

by

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Every pastor knows this feeling.

Imagine you are sitting across the table from someone in your church—a person you have led to Christ and baptized. They are involved in the life of your church and dedicated to the mission, and they say, “We’re leaving.”

When this moment hits, especially if you didn’t see it coming, it feels like the world is spinning.

Edwin Friedman said, “A major difficulty in sustaining one’s mission is that others who start out with the same enthusiasm will come to lose their nerve. Mutiny and sabotage came not from enemies who opposed the initial idea, but rather from colleagues whose will was sapped by unexpected hardships along the way.”

This, by far, is one of the most painful realities of leadership and ministry. To have the people closest to you bail before the end. 

This occurs for various reasons. Life situations change, and now they can’t go with you. Their theology or passions change. It may require more than they have to give. 

To be clear, the reasons that people stop working with you or trying to accomplish the mission are not all evil. But they all still hurt. 

Talk to any pastor or church planter, and they can tell you a story of someone who said, “I’ll be there til the end,” and they weren’t. 

Talk to any pastor or church planter, and they can tell you a story of someone who said, “I’ll be there til the end,” and they weren’t.

Click To Tweet

I remember when we started our church in Tucson and one person from our launch team told me, “I’ll be here as long as you’re here.” Ten years later, they were at a different ministry. Now, it was an amicable ending, and we are still friends, but it stung deeply. 

The reason this stings is that you have been in the trenches with this person. You have prayed and wept with this person. You have celebrated the highs of ministry and life, and you have sat through the valleys together. You have baptized them or people in their family, and been at gravesides with this person to bury their parents or children. You have vacationed with this person and helped this person move. You have watched their kids grow up and launch out into the world. In short, you have walked a long road with this person. 

And then one day, they aren’t there. 

This cuts deeply not just for the leader but for everyone involved. Your spouse has now lost a friend, someone they vacationed with, and perhaps they will now bump into them at the store or on the soccer field. Your kids wonder what ever happened to so-and-so and why their family doesn’t attend our church anymore. 

It is one reminder after another. 

And as a pastor, you wonder what you did wrong. Is there something you could’ve done to change their mind? 

And there will also come a moment, or several, in your leadership, when you wonder how many more of these transitions you can take. I recall speaking with one leader who, through tears, said to me, “I’m not sure I can handle another transition on my team.”

That’s leadership. 

That’s life. 

If you are a church planter or pastor, you’ll have someone look you in the eye and say, “I’ll be here until the end.” And you have to believe them. You can’t think, “We’ll see…” 

[Tweet “If you are a church planter or pastor, you’ll have someone look you in the eye and say, “I’ll be here until the end.” And you have to believe them. You can’t think, “We’ll see…”]

Because if you do, you will give the enemy an opening. 

Now, that doesn’t mean you are naive and blindly trust everyone. 

So, what do you do as a pastor?

3 ways to handle the valleys of pastoral leadership.

Click To Tweet

Prepare for the transitions. Know that transitions will come. Don’t be surprised when someone walks in and says, “We’re leaving. I’m resigning.” Do your best as you navigate these moments and the tensions that they create. 

Enjoy the people you have. It is easy to close your heart off after a fellow leader has hurt you. This will feel natural, but don’t. Fight against this. 

This doesn’t mean that you bare your soul to everyone who joins your team, but don’t let someone in your present suffer for what someone in your past did. 

Don’t make someone in your present pay for what someone in your past did.

Click To Tweet

Create relationships not connected to your church. Ensure you have friendships with other pastors or individuals who don’t work for you. Yes, be friends with people on your staff and in your church, but also make sure you balance that with people you don’t work with so that when a leadership transition comes, you don’t lose all your friends. 

Posted on

4 Questions for Busy Pastors

by

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Regularly, if you listen to podcasts or attend conferences, you will hear statistics about the pace of ministry, the number of pastors who are burning out, struggling in their roles, leaving ministry, and so on. Ministry, like all jobs, is busy. There is always more to do than there is time in a day. We rush from one meeting or fire to the next, and when we return to our desks, we find another email waiting that opens up a new opportunity or problem to solve. 

Throw in writing sermons, creating discipleship curriculum or classes, meeting with people and counseling them, planning weddings and funerals, and many pastors fall into bed at night and wonder, “What did I really accomplish today?”

Ruth Haley Barton, in her excellent book Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry, poses some thought-provoking questions for busy leaders. Questions that I think, if we take time to answer, will help us see what God is doing and ultimately, where to put our time and effort. 

What Barton wants us to see is what is really happening in our souls. Because what happens in your soul sets the course for your leadership and church.

What happens in your soul sets the course for your leadership and church.

Click To Tweet

How much am I paying attention, really? Many of us, because of the pace of life and the amount of technology and information we consume, only pay attention to what is right in front of us or the next thing on our list. While that can be important in certain moments and seasons, that is not sustainable. 

The most significant insights for your life and leadership, the next big idea, the breakthrough in a conversation only happen in spaces where time is able to be given to thinking, processing, asking questions, praying, and listening. 

Do you see the people around you who are hurting? Are you able to notice the person in the meeting who isn’t speaking up or seems “a bit off?” As a pastor, do you rush through the lobby on a Sunday morning thinking of your sermon or the meeting after church, or are you able to linger and be present with people?

Too often, as pastors, we focus on the tasks of ministry because we can cross those off. However, while those are part of ministry, they are not the most significant aspect of ministry, which is being present with people. 

4 questions for busy leaders.

Click To Tweet

Do I have enough give in my schedule to be able to turn aside and pay attention when there is something that warrants it? This is connected to the first question. 

Is there space in your soul and life for God to speak and move? Many times, we want God to speak and move in our lives, but for him to do so, he’d have to catch up to us because we are rushing so quickly through things. 

Many times, we want God to speak and move in our lives, but for him to do so, he’d have to catch up to us!

Click To Tweet

Do you take time each day for God to speak to you? Are you living with such an awareness that you can notice when the Holy Spirit tugs or moves?

Which leads into question three…

Could it be because I am moving so fast that I do not have time to turn aside and look? A simple way to think about this question is to ask when the last time was that you noticed something and changed directions. Can you point to the last time that you heard God speak to you, or saw the movement of the Spirit around you? 

If you can’t think of a time that has happened recently, then you are moving too quickly. 

Questions to help you see what God is doing in you and around you.

Click To Tweet

That should be a blinking red light that you are moving too quickly through life. 

For most of us, silence and stillness are intimidating practices to engage in. The pace of our lives keeps the voices at bay. When we slow down, memories begin to surface, reminding us of things said and unsaid. However, quietness is also crucial for bringing up places we need to pay attention to or relationships we need to work on. 

Do I even have mechanisms in my life that create space for paying attention, so that I don’t miss the places where God himself is trying to communicate to me? Barton closes with the self-awareness question. 

Do you know how God speaks to you? Do you have things in place to make sure you have the opportunity to notice God at work and His speaking to you?

Do you have things in place to make sure you have the opportunity to notice God at work and His speaking to you?

Click To Tweet

While God speaks in a variety of ways to us, for many of us, there is a consistency to how God speaks based on background and personality. 

4 questions to ask yourself to hear God’s voice.

Click To Tweet

As you head into the summer, these questions can be a great diagnostic tool to ask how you are doing in hearing the voice of God and making space for Him to work in your life.