Friday Five

I hope you made it through your week. I am in the midst of a busy season, but I’m finding that the more time I give myself to learn, grow, and be recharged, the better. I got away from that a bit in 2020 but am trying to stay on track in 2021.

Here are my favorite books, podcasts, and blogs of the last couple of weeks. I hope it helps you grow!

Favorite books:

I’m a huge football fan, but as a Steelers fan, I am supposed to despise the Patriots and Bill Belichick, but Jeff Benedict’s Dynasty was fascinating. There were so many things I didn’t know about the Patriots that I learned. The attention to detail that Belichick has is second to none. If you’re a football fan, this is a fun read. 

Over the last year, Gordon MacDonald has become one of my favorite authors. Two of his books made it on my favorite book list of 2020. Recently, I picked up Mid-Course Correction: Re-Ordering Your Private World for the Second Half of Life. Wow. If you are over 40, this book is one you should definitely dig into. It gets into many of the ruts people face in their careers and relationships and their faith journeys between 40 and 60. He walks through much of the Old Testament but really zeroes into Abraham’s life and what he walked through and how that translates to our lives. So much in this one to chew on. 

Favorite podcasts:

One of my favorite podcasts is The Learning Leader with Ryan Hawk. Recently with my daughter, we listened to the interview David Rubenstein on Launching a Business, Living With Purpose, & Loving Your Life. Before the interview, I’ll be honest I had no idea who David Rubenstein was, but his story and wisdom were fascinating. I definitely had some good conversations with my daughter about public speaking, earning money, and what matters most in life.

Favorite blog posts:

2020 was really hard, and 2021 is off to a hard start. Here is some advice to keep moving forward.

Doris Kearns Goodwin, who wrote a fantastic book on leadership, Leadership in Turbulent Times, has a great article on Lincoln and the Art of Transformative Leadership. There is a lot to learn about Lincoln and the times that he lived compared to our own current season of leading.

Friday Five

Can you believe it is 2021?!

It is almost hard to believe that the calendar has turned and it is a new year, but it does feel good. Even if the cloud of covid is still hanging over us, it has been a few months since I shared a Friday Five, but I thought the first full week of 2021 would be a good time to dust it off.

So here goes:

Favorite books:

I read two books over the Christmas break that were both incredibly helpful and timely. One was The Motive: Why So Many Leaders Abdicate Their Most Important Responsibilities by Patrick Lencioni. It was timely because this a great book to look at the heart behind your leadership. Doing that over the New Year was good for me as I think about where I am in life and look forward to 2021 and beyond. 

The second book was Future Church: Seven Laws of Real Church Growth by Will Mancini. This book, every pastor needs to read and wrestle with as we think about what ministry will actually look like in the future and how to reach people best. 

Favorite podcasts:

One of my favorite podcasts is The Learning Leader. Recently, Ryan Hawk released two episodes (How To Create A Generosity Flywheel, Make The Trust Wager, & Earn WHO Luck and The Art Of Getting People To Want To Do What Must Be Done), Jim Collins. There is so much in both of these episodes, especially for pastors.

Favorite blog posts:

Carey Nieuwhof every year posts his church trends. This week he shared 8 trends that churches need to be aware of as we move into 2021. Some highlights to me: #1 is something all communicators and worship leaders have to think about as they prepare each week and lead from the stage, #2 & #5 closely echoes Mancini’s book about what the future of the church will look like, I love the creativity and possibilities of #4, and #6 is one that cannot be overlooked because that will have an enormous impact on what churches do (especially as it relates to who they are trying to reach and connect with).

3 Ideas for 2021 Goals

black and white typewriter on green textile

The calendar has turned and it is finally 2021!

Many of us never thought 2020 would end, but it did.

Now what?

If you’re like me, you are setting out goals and dreams for the new year. Maybe you do a word for the year, make a list of resolutions or goals.

To help with that, let me give you three ideas from Bob Goff’s book Dream Big: Know What You Want, Why You Want It, and What You’re Going to Do About It, to help you:

1. The unwritten rules of our lives. These are things we tell ourselves. I can’t handle money because my family didn’t do that. No one in my family was successful, so I can’t be successful. I’m too old. I’m too young. I don’t have enough school. I have too much school.

One of my unwritten rules that keeps me from dreaming or moving forward is the rule that whatever I do has to be a home run and be noticed. It is a constant battle of ambition that I fight.

If we aren’t aware of our lives’ unwritten rules, we will fall into old patterns or miss potential opportunities ahead of us. Often, we miss goals or set the wrong ones because we aren’t aware of our lives’ unwritten rules.

2. We don’t know what we want to be known for. Many of us don’t know what we want people to say about us at our funeral. Or, we know what we want them to say, but we aren’t willing to do those things. Bob Goff said, “Too many of us would rather succeed pretending to be someone we’re not than fail as ourselves.”

Many of us live the lives that other people want for us or the lives we think we should live because we have a certain number of kids, we are a certain age, etc.

This reminds me of Bronnie Ware’s book The Top 5 Regrets of the Dyingwhere she said the number 1 regret of those on their death bed was: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait until I’m on my death bed to decide to live the life I’m supposed to live. What a tragedy.

And if 2020 taught us anything, it is that none of us are promised anything.

3. Be brave enough to try something new and be terrible at it. This is where the perfectionists stop in their tracks. Be terrible at it. Many men don’t want to attempt anything unless they are great at it. But one way we restore hope is curiosity, trying new things, learning something new.

Whatever you choose for 2021, be intentional.

As I walk into 2021, I am more and more passionate about not missing moments or opportunities. 2020 has reminded me of how short life and how important every moment is. I’m praying you, and I don’t miss what God has for us in 2021!

My Favorite Books of 2020

It’s that time of year. One of my favorite times of the year, when I share my favorite books of the year. If you want to see all the books I read this year, you can see those here. I also posted my favorite fun books and our favorite shows of the year.

Now, on to the list:

When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Chuck DeGroat. This is an important book for churches and leaders to wrestle with. There were multiple times where I thought back to leadership situations, meetings I sat through, and things said to me and wondered, “Was Chuck there?” This was a quick read, but one that is hard to digest. Pastors need to wrestle with what it looks like to lead like Jesus in a world that desperately needs Jesus.

Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You by John Eldredge. As a dad to sons and trying to make sense of life stages, this was a helpful read. Eldredge takes us through the stages of a man’s life, when they happen, what a man needs to move through each one. It gave language to things in my past but also my future. It also showed me some important things for my sons. If you are a father of boys, this is an essential book to read. 

Team of Five: The Presidents Club in the Age of Trump by Kate Andersen Bower. This book was a fun read. A few leadership lessons in it, but I learned a ton of things about the Presidents that I didn’t know before, and it felt like a timely read with the election upon us and watching The West Wing with Katie and the Reich 5. 

The Deeply Formed Life: Five Transformative Values to Root Us in the Way of Jesus by Rich Villodas. This might be one of my favorite spiritual formation books I’ve ever read, mostly because of how unique it is. When we think of spiritual formation books, we expect a book to have a chapter on bible reading, prayer, fasting, etc. What Rich does is take us on a different journey. He unpacks Sabbath and includes things like racial reconciliation and sexual wholeness, which puts this book in a different category compared to others. He looks at our whole lives and how they interconnect with others, not just on an individual basis, which is so needed today. 

Building Below the Waterline: Strengthening the Life of a Leader by Gordon MacDonald. I rediscovered Gordon MacDonald this year (you’ll notice he’s the only author on this list twice). I say rediscovered because I read some of his books in college and seminary, but reading his books in your 40’s is different. This is an older book, but it has so much wisdom in it.

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move by Andy Stanley. This is one of the books that got added to my kid’s reading list for high school. I wish I had had this book years ago. The 5 questions Andy takes you through are critical when facing any decision. The two that stood out to me were “paying attention to any tension in you” and “What story do you want to tell when this decision is a story?”

This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers by KJ Ramsey. This is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. Her words and ideas were so helpful in this season. In fact, I got to have KJ join me for a deeper dive at our church about her book and how it helps us to get through the difficult parts of life. Very rarely am I moved to tears with a book, but this book did that. It spoke to a very deep place in me. 

Tempered Resilience: How Leaders Are Formed in the Crucible of Change by Tod Bolsinger. This was easily the best leadership book I read this year. Not only was this timely for 2020, but one all pastors and leaders should read as we head into 2021. It gives you a framework for what you faced this year and how to survive into the next year, and the road ahead. It also helps make sense of the difficult road that a leader walks and how that road prepares you for what is next. It’s possible I highlighted more of this book than left it unhighlighted. 

A Resilient Life: You Can Move Ahead No Matter What by Gordon MacDonald. A mentor told me that this is a great book to read at the halfway point of life, and he was right. At 41, I am really trying to engage in what helps a leader last and become the older person I want to become. Like the other book by MacDonald on this list, there was so much wisdom packed into this book. I’ve recommended it to everyone I know who is turning 40. 

Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund. This book is on a lot of “best of” lists and with good reason. Each page is saturated with gospel goodness. If I had to pick my favorite book of the year, this is it. 

If you’re curious about past years’ list, click on the numbers: 201220132014, 2015, 2016, 2018, and 2019.

Friday Five

It’s hard to believe that it is already March!

Hopefully, you are sticking with your goals or word for the year. If not, get back to it. It isn’t too late and you knew 2020 was the year for that focus.

Favorite book:

I have loved Marcus Buckingham’s new book Nine Lies About Work: A Freethinking Leader’s Guide to the Real WorldI love its contrarian take on all things leadership and what we think about work. 

Favorite podcasts:

Carey Nieuwhof’s interview with Susan Steinbrecher on How to lead change, deal with conflict at work and increase team engagement is pure gold. I loved the emphasis she gave in terms of the emotional side of change (something that is easy to forget as leaders) and how best to walk through difficult conversations at work.

Favorite blog posts:

If you don’t want to read all of Marcus Buckingham’s book on work, this article on the feedback fallacy is incredibly helpful and this short video on why feedback fails.

This article on how to see self-awareness, knowing when to leave your leadership post and pass the baton by looking at the journey of Disney CEO, Bob Iger, is an incredible article. I was blown away by his ability to see where he and his company was and leave it in a better position than when he got there. It definitely made me reflect on my ability to do that one day.

How to Encourage Others

Recently I gave a sermon on the power of words, and in it, I was struck by a phrase in a verse that is easy to miss. In Ephesians 4:29, we see Paul tell us not to use unwholesome talk, which is what gets focused on, but then he says that our words are to benefit others.

What we often forget is that the people who hear our words are not just the people we are talking to but also the others standing around in the moment.

If you think back to hearing your parents argue, something one of them said at the moment got lodged into your head and heart, and you started to carry that through life.

Something you heard a boss say to a co-worker (especially something negative) you heard that, and it gave you an impression of your boss and/or co-worker.

One thing I always tell dads is that the way they speak to their wife, they are teaching their daughters how boys and men should talk to them. They are showing their sons how to talk to women.

Too often, though, when we speak, our words are for our benefit, not the person we are talking to or those around us.

We are continually communicating with those around us, and we need to be aware of that.

202 Favorite Quotes from the 2019 Leadership Summit

Every year, my team and I attend the leadership summit and it is always refreshing, challenging and recharging for me. Easily the best leadership material in a conference that is out there. I try to share some of the highlights I took from each session. I didn’t take notes at all the sessions because some of them felt more like stories and so I just listened and took that in, which was a new practice I tried this year and really benefited from it.

Here are my biggest takeaways from the talks I took notes over the two days: