Posted on

2019 Leadership Summit – 19 Quotes from Craig Groeschel

by

Every year, my team and I attend the leadership summit and it is always refreshing, challenging and recharging for me. Easily the best leadership material in a conference that is out there. I try to share some of the highlights I took from each session.

Here are some thoughts from the session with Craig Groeschel:

  • Everyone has influence.
  • How you lead others matters more than you can possibly imagine.
  • The assumption leaders make is that better costs more. We assume that investing more will bring a better return. Investing more over time often brings a diminishing return.
  • More does not always mean better.
  • The key is to look for the greatest level of return based on time, money and resources invested.
  • GETMO stands for good enough to move on.
  • Perfection is often the enemy of progress.
  • Excellence will motivate you but also limit you if you aren’t careful.
  • If we spend more on something, we aren’t necessarily making it better, we are making a trade.
  • Better is a higher or equal return.
  • Leaders bend the curve (BTC).
  • Leaders think inside the box. 
  • Limited options, constraints drive creativity. Constraints eliminate options.
  • In your organization, where is there tension? Where do you have a rub that you need to let the constraints drive the ideas?
  • You have everything you need to do everything you are called to do.
  • If you have everything you wanted, you might miss what you really needed.
  • Leaders burn the ships.
  • You need to figure out what you need to do to step out of your doubts and into your calling.
  • You are one step away from what you are supposed to accomplish.
Posted on

The Prayer God Always Answers

by

Now, before you email me, yes, God hears and answers all our prayers. That isn’t what this post is about. Although sometimes, if we’re honest, God doesn’t answer our prayers on our timeline or in the way we want.

There is a prayer that he always answers yes to.

The prayer God always answers.

Click To Tweet

What is it?

It might surprise you.

It is the prayer for wisdom.

In James 1:5, we’re told that if we lack wisdom, we are to ask for it and God will give it. That he gives it generously and ungrudgingly to all.

Our view of God (generous or not) determines how we pray and what we ask for.

Click To Tweet

Have you ever had a decision where you weren’t sure what to do?

Is now the time to get married? Do you marry this person? Are they the one?

Is now the time to have kids? How do you know if you are ready?

What college do you choose? What major? What happens if you get into and find out that you hate that major?

What jobs? How do you know which one is the best? 

We face decisions all the time. 

Amazingly, scientists believe that we make 35,000 decisions a day!

Some decisions you are aware of. You make a list, pro’s, con’s, trying to figure it out, talk to friends. 

Some decisions, we are entirely unaware that they are happening. 

But how do you decide?

Have you ever noticed that some people always know what to do? They have a calm about themselves. 

They not only know what to do and when to do it but once they make that decision, they stop worrying about it. They stop stressing over whether or not that was the right one.

What do they know that you and I don’t? Wisdom.

Wisdom is not based on feelings, but on knowing and trusting the power of God’s promises.

Wisdom is not based on feelings, but on knowing and trusting the power of God’s promises.

Click To Tweet

For many of us, wisdom comes through life experiences, but there is a secret sauce to decision making and wisdom, and that is asking God.

Often in a crisis though, we ask God to take something away, to do this or that, we ask for an answer, but we rarely ask for wisdom. Do you know why? My hunch is asking for wisdom puts some responsibility on us. Asking God to take it away or do something puts the responsibility all on him.

So that if I don’t get the answer I want or it doesn’t go the way I thought, I can throw up my hands and blame God. Many times, the answer to our prayers will be connected to an action we take.

The answer to our prayers will be connected to an action we take.

Click To Tweet

Prayer is all about trust. It’s why we struggle with it. Why we don’t pray as much as we should or as bold as we should.

But what if James is right? I believe he is. God loves to give us wisdom for what is next.

Another thing we do is we ask God to show us the whole puzzle of our lives and the situation we are facing. We want to know all the steps along the way, but wisdom is simply for the next thing. I had a mentor tell me that if God showed us all the steps it would take to get somewhere, most of us wouldn’t get out of bed. And that’s true. Some of the hardest parts of my life have been some of the most beneficial, but if I knew ahead of time what I was walking into, I’m not sure I would’ve signed up.

And this is what happens for many of us in decisions: we get paralyzed by them. And then we stand still and watch the parade of life go by, and we wonder, why that person over there sees God move like they do, that their life is the adventure that it is.

We get paralyzed because we ant all the steps, all the pieces of the puzzle, but wisdom will tell us what to do next.

Click To Tweet

So, think of the one area of your life that you need an answer. A way forward.

What if instead of asking for an answer or for God to clear the way (you can still ask those things), you ask for wisdom.

Posted on

Walking with People Through Pain & Difficulty

by

Sunday, I preached on how to hack pain and difficulty in life as part of our Life Hacks series. One of the things I wasn’t able to get to is how to walk with someone through pain, how do you let others walk with you.

This is often hard to do, from both perspectives.

When you are the one walking through the difficulty, we tend to keep it to ourselves. We don’t want to be a bother to other people; we think we should be able to handle it on our own or we struggle to wonder if people care about us.

When you are a friend watching someone walk through difficulty, it is hard to know where to start. How do you step in and help? What do they need? Especially if it is around sickness or death, it can sometimes be hard to know what to say or how to say it. Often then, we choose not to do anything, even though we’d like to.

Over the summer, I read a great book by Kate Bowler called Everything Happens for a Reason (and other lies I’ve loved). Kate was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, and at the end, she shares how to walk with people, because it is difficult, we want to do it well, but we often find ourselves fumbling it.

According to Bowler, here are some things to not say:

What not to say to someone walking through a difficult time.

Click To Tweet

  • ‘Well, at least . . .’ Whoa. Hold up there. Were you about to make a comparison? At least it’s not . . . what? Stage V cancer? Don’t minimize.
  • ‘In my long life, I’ve learned that . . .’ Geez. Do you want a medal? I get it! You lived forever. Well, some people are worried that they won’t, or that things are so hard they won’t want to. So ease up on the life lessons. Life is a privilege, not a reward.
  • ‘It’s going to get better. I promise.’ Well, fairy godmother, that’s going to be a tough row to hoe when things go badly.
  • ‘God needed an angel.’ This one takes the cake because (a) it makes God look sadistic and needy and (b) angels are, according to Christian tradition, created from scratch. Not dead people looking for a cameo in Ghost. You see how confusing it is when we just pretend that the deceased return to help you find your car keys or make pottery?
  • ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ The only thing worse than saying this is pretending that you know the reason. I’ve had hundreds of people tell me the reason for my cancer. Because of my sin. Because of my unfaithfulness. Because God is fair. Because God is unfair. Because of my aversion to Brussels sprouts. I mean, no one is short of reasons. So if people tell you this, make sure you are there when they go through the cruelest moments of their lives, and start offering your own. When someone is drowning, the only thing worse than failing to throw them a life preserver is handing them a reason.
  • ‘I’ve done some research and…’ I thought I should listen to my oncologist and my nutritionist and my team of specialists, but it turns out that I should be listening to you. Yes, please, tell me more about the medical secrets that only one flaxseed provider in Orlando knows. Wait, let me get a pen.
  • ‘When my aunt had cancer…’ My darling dear, I know you are trying to relate to me. Now you see me and you are reminded that terrible things have happened in the world. But guess what? That is where I live, in the valley of the shadow of death. But now I’m on vacation because I’m not in the hospital or dealing with my mess. Do I have to take my sunglasses off and join you in the saddest journey down memory lane, or do you mind if I finish my mojito?
  • ‘So how are the treatments going? How are you really?’ This is the toughest one of all. I can hear you trying to understand my world and be on my side. But picture the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Got it?

Here are some things to say:

What to say to someone walking through a difficult time.

Click To Tweet

  • “I’d love to bring you a meal this week. Can I email you about it?” Oh, thank goodness. I am starving, but mostly I can never figure out something to tell people that I need, even if I need it. But really, bring me anything. Chocolate. A potted plant. A set of weird erasers. I remember the first gift I got that wasn’t about cancer, and I was so happy I cried. Send me funny emails filled with YouTube clips to watch during chemotherapy. Do something that suits your talents. But most important, bring me presents! 
  • “You are a beautiful person.” Unless you are used to speaking in a creepy windowless-van kind of voice, comments like these go a long way. Tell your friend something about his or her life that you admire without making it feel like a eulogy.
  • “I am so grateful to hear about how you’re doing. Just know that I’m on your team.” You mean I don’t have to give you an update? You asked someone else for all the gory details? Whew. Great! Now, I get to feel like you are both informed and concerned. So, don’t gild the lily. What you have said is amazing, so don’t screw it up now by being a nosy Nellie. Ask a question about any other aspect of my life. 
  • “Can I give you a hug?” Some of my best moments with people have come with a hug or a hand on the arm. People who are suffering often—not always—feel isolated and want to be touched. Hospitals and big institutions, in general, tend to treat people like cyborgs or throwaways. So, ask whether your friend feels up for a hug and give her some sugar. 
  • “Oh, my friend, that sounds so hard.” Perhaps the weirdest thing about having something awful happen is the fact that no one wants to hear about it. People tend to want to hear the summary, but they don’t usually want to hear it from you. And that it was awful. So, simmer down and let your friend talk for a bit. Be willing to stare down the ugliness and sadness. Life is absurdly hard, and pretending it isn’t is exhausting.
  • *****Silence***** The truth is that no one knows what to say. It’s awkward. Pain is awkward. Tragedy is awkward. People’s weird, suffering bodies are awkward. But take the advice of one man who wrote to me with his policy: Show up and shut up. 
Posted on

9 Signs Your Marriage Needs More Attention than Your Career or Kids

by

The longer you are married, the easier it is to let things come in between you and your spouse. When you first get married, you are ready to take on the world together. You make decisions together, you dream together, you are romantic with each other, continually pursuing each other. You can’t imagine anything coming between you and the most crucial person in your life.

But something happens.

Kids come along, and they have enormous needs that won’t go away.

Aging parents step in, and now you are taking care of them. Or parents who step into issues within your marriage. Or, if your spouse struggles to leave their family of origin and cling to this new family.

And your career starts to pick up. For many, the career catches them off guard because now they begin to feel affirmation, accomplishment, and people are noticing them in ways they didn’t have before.

Slowly, you stop pouring energy into your marriage because it feels more natural and comes easier to throw yourself into work and your kids.

But make no mistake, that path leads a ton of regret.

So, think of this post as a car dashboard telling you when to get your oil changed. Here are nine ways to know you need to spend more energy and time on your marriage than your job or your kids.

9 ways to know you need to spend more energy and time on your marriage than your job or your kids.

Click To Tweet

You check your email and text messages during dinner. The dinner table needs to be the time of day when you turn your phone off. Whoever emails you or texts you during dinner can wait. If not, don’t eat dinner. It is easy, though to have your devices at the table.

Interestingly, parents complain about their kids bringing devices to the table, but guess who did it first? Parents.

At our house and on date nights, we have a no devices rule. If you need to bring out a device, ask the other person if that is okay.

You can’t remember the last date night you had. The older your kids get, the harder it is to get time together with your spouse. A lot happens, and a lot needs to happen.

But you need to schedule a time for you and your spouse to be together. To have time to talk, process, share what is going on, get feedback, pursue each other.

This needs to be one of the things that are blocked out on your calendar each week. It doesn’t have to be expensive or a major production, but it does need to be consistent.

A few rules for this time: plan it, no electronics, have the goal be a connection with each other.

You are quick to say “yes” to your kids, sleeping with you at night. This is not the same thing as feeding a baby at night, but many couples to be kind to their child or do not have to say no to their spouse about sex, allow kids to overrun the bedroom. If this is happening, something deeper is going on that needs to be addressed.

Every night we have a child who wants to sleep in our bed, on our floor for one reason or another. If they show up at 3 am, that’s different than 10:15 pm. But communicate that there are places where kids don’t get to be, they won’t end up in counseling because of this.

Your bedroom has a TV in it. One of the best ways to kill your sex life in marriage is by putting a TV in your bedroom. Whenever I meet with a couple who is frustrated about their sex life, they often have a TV in their bedroom. If you have a TV in your room and a great sex life, great, but you are the exception.

A TV is a distraction (it also keeps you from getting great sleep).

A TV in your bedroom kills your sleep and your sex life.

Click To Tweet

PDA. One of the most significant signs that your marriage needs to attention is a lack of public displays of affection. Affection is the barometer of your marriage.

Affection is the barometer of your marriage.

Click To Tweet

The older you get, the easier it is for this to slip. You stop holding hands, kissing, hugging.

The moment you look up and realize that your PDA is low, you need to give your marriage some attention.

Your weekends and evenings are taken over by your kids. Life is busy with kids: projects, sports, scouts, schoolwork, and plays. But when you begin to realize that you don’t have friend time, hobbies, you are running from one thing to the next; it is time to pull back and reevaluate. You don’t have to be in everything or be at everything.

When you hear a wife refer to her husband as one of her kids. This is a big one.

When a wife does this, underneath is disdain and disrespect of her husband. I’m not saying he doesn’t act like one of her kids, because he might. But this is one that tells you a lot about where your relationship is.

You are more open with someone at work than you are with your spouse. You spend a lot of time with people at work, and often, they are easier to talk to than your spouse. Slowly, during break time, lunch, or working late, you begin to share things with this person that you don’t share with your spouse.

You begin to get emotionally connected in a way that is incredibly dangerous to your marriage.

You see your spouse as getting in the way of your dreams. This a touchy one but an important one.

When you start in marriage, you are your spouse’s biggest cheerleader, standing in their corner (or at least you should be). Over time though, you can find yourselves pursuing different dreams, different lives. Slowly, the people closest to you seem to be inhibiting you from your goals instead of helping you to get there.

If you find yourself nodding your head to any or all of these, it isn’t hopeless. It just means that your marriage needs more attention than you and your spouse are giving it.

Posted on

You Might be a Legalist If…

by

One of the biggest struggles we have, regardless of our faith or belief in Christianity, is legalism; the temptation to look for a list of rules instead of freedom.

Whenever I talk to anyone about any struggle, the answer they are looking for often resides in a list of rules — trying to lose weight? Tell me what I can and cannot eat — trying to get out of debt? Give me the ten things I have to do.

I do this all the time in leadership. I’ll meet someone who is further ahead, and my mind goes to what are the 3-5 things they did that I need to do.

Now, this isn’t necessarily wrong. It gets at the motivation and what we hope will come from these steps.

The problem is when we look to our list of rules to make us whole, to redeem us, save us.

In Christian terms, it is when we look to rules and how we behave to make us right with God, more accepted by God or ultimately, more loved by God.

In human terms, legalism helps us to feel superior to other people.

Here’s one of the things I run into though, while we all struggle with this, many of us don’t think we do this as much as we do.

How do you know if you’re falling into legalism? 

4 ways to know you’re a legalist.

Click To Tweet

1. Why do you feel guilty about something?

We all have guilt. We feel it for different reasons.

I remember when I first became a Christian, I would try to reach my bible and pray first thing in the morning. I was told, Jesus got up while it was dark to pray, so that’s what I was supposed to do. The problem was, I’m not a morning person, and so I would fall asleep. Then I would beat myself up about it because a good Christian didn’t fall asleep while praying.

Why did I feel guilty? I wasn’t good enough.

The reality is though; a good Christian can read their bible and pray any time of day. And, falling asleep while praying isn’t a sin. I can’t think of a better time to fall asleep.

Good guilt would’ve been feeling guilty that I am missing out on being with Jesus.

2. Do you feel more or less free after doing something?

This gets at how you handle when guilt happens in your life because we all have guilt and shame we carry.

Here’s why this question lines up with legalism: what I’ve learned about rule-followers is we don’t know how to feel anything but guilt. Most of us don’t know what freedom feels like, and because of that, we don’t go for it.

3. Do you want people to know, or are you okay if it is anonymous?

This is a good one.

When you follow one of your rules, do something that makes you feel more spiritual or superior to someone; do you want people to know?

Do you want people to know how much you give? Serve? Can you read your bible without posting a verse on Instagram? Do you spend more time posting something good you did than actually doing something right?

The flip side, do you post things to get sympathy from people to tell you that you aren’t a failure? This is the “well that happened” post on Facebook. Parents do this all the time. We do this with our boss. So people will say, “I see you, and you are awesome.” But why does their opinion matter? Why does your kid’s opinion matter? Have you noticed, the view of someone else can crush us? Why?

Because we struggle to live free.

4. Do you feel more alive and closer to Christ or less?

Jesus said in John 10 that he came to give life. Be honest for a moment, if you’re a follower of Jesus, do you feel alive? Or do you feel exhausted? Do you feel like you are overflowing with life, you can’t handle how much life you have in Jesus?

Keeping rules is exhausting. Impossible for us. It is a burden we carry that we aren’t meant to carry.

There are two ways in Christian circles: through Jesus or legalism or ourselves.

Here’s the thing, as a follower of Jesus, you would say there is nothing you could do to earn salvation, life with God, but we live as if we could win his love. That what we do keeps us following Jesus or proves that we are following Jesus. What shows we are following Jesus is God’s love for us.

As we grow in our faith, to become more like Jesus, we think it rests entirely on us.

Many of us think our behavior determines whether our relationship with God is good or bad. But Christianity has never been about following rules; it has been about following Jesus.

Jesus is more interested in the person you become than the rules you keep.

Jesus is more interested in the person you become than the rules you keep.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

Summer Break!

by

A little later than usual, but my summer break is here!

My elders are gracious each year to make sure my family and I get some time to rest and recharge. I’ll be posting many of our adventures on Instagram if you want to keep up. For me, it is five weeks away from preaching to work ahead on things for Revolution, rest, play, and recharge.

Be praying for our family and our church as we have some big things we are working on for the fall and 2020!

I often get asked what I’m reading over the summer, so here are a few of the books I’m most excited about (remember leaders, on your vacation, read books that benefit you personally):

No, I won’t read all of these, and I won’t feel bad about it!

Some of the books I’m reading this summer.

Click To Tweet

In the meantime, here are some of the most recent top posts on my blog to keep you company until I get back:

Healthy Marriage (Katie and I wrote a lot about this topic this year because of doing a marriage series this year)

8 helpful posts on marriage and relationships.

Click To Tweet

Healthy Church

5 ideas for a healthy church

Click To Tweet

Healthy Leadership

4 ideas to help you be a healthy leader over the summer

Click To Tweet

Healthy Faith

5 things to help your faith when it is hard to trust God.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

Being Satisfied Where You Are

by

Our culture is one that likes new things.

I know I do.

Regularly I talk to people around the same topic: Wishing they were somewhere else.

Not necessarily physically (although sometimes that’s it), but wanting to be somewhere else in life.

I had a season where I was discontent with my life and where I was. I was frustrated at my lack of progress; I started to dislike where I lived, and a friend looked at me and said, “What if you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be? What if where you are right now, with how your life is, this is where God wants you?”

Honestly, I looked at him and said, “If that’s the case, then I don’t like God at the moment.”

But life and where we end up is a battle of contentment.

We often focus on other things, yet I find it interesting in Philippians, that Paul talks about contentment.

Usually, that gets attached to finances (which makes sense), but what if contentment is bigger than that?

What if it covers contentment with your career, house, your body (!), your kids?

What if you are precisely where God wants you to be?

Notice, I didn’t say you would stay there. Sometimes God needs to keep us in certain places and seasons for us to learn things for what is next, but also for others to be prepared for us in what is next.

Posted on

4 Ways to Destroy Any Relationship

by

Almost all marriage problems go back to communication. One person not saying what they want/need or the other person is not listening.

What is most interesting to me is how we often struggle to know what we even want in a relationship; what we need from the other person. I know for Katie and me, many times frustration sets in because I either don’t know what I want or need, or sometimes I’m afraid to ask for it because I don’t want to be a burden, but also because I’m worried she might say no.

So, instead of stating a need or desire, we settle for less in a relationship.

Dr. John Gottman, in his excellent book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, says four things destroy relationships. He calls them The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. As I walk through these, listen to which one is your go-to move in relationships, cause you have one.

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse in relationships.

Click To Tweet

1. Criticism. Complaint and criticism are different. A complaint is, “I’m frustrated you didn’t put away your clothes last night.” A criticism is, “Why are you so forgetful? I hate having to pick up after you all the time. You don’t care.”

Two words go with criticism: always and never. You always. You never.

Or by asking, “what is wrong with you?”

Why can’t you remember anything? Why can’t I count on you? Why are you always so selfish? What is wrong with you? What is your problem?

When we criticize a child, spouse, or friend, we are demeaning them and elevating ourselves.

What this also brings into the relationship is shame and shame is a powerful tool in relationships.

What happens when shame enters a relationship.

Click To Tweet

2. Contempt. The second horseman comes right after criticism and is contempt.

This is a sense of superiority over the other person and comes through as a form of disrespect.

This will show up in cynicism, sarcasm, mocking, eye rolls.

This shows up when it comes to time management, parenting skills, in-laws, handling money, almost any skill that someone thinks they’re better than the other.

According to Gottman, “Studies show this doesn’t just destroy your relationship, but couples that are contemptuous towards each other are more likely to get sick.”

3. Defensiveness. Defensiveness is a way of blaming your spouse, child, or co-worker.

It is saying, “the problem isn’t me; it’s you.”

Things you’ll say are: “why are you picking on me? Everyone is against me? What about all the good things I do? You never appreciate me. There’s no pleasing you.”

Have you ever noticed that the more someone gets defensive in a relationship, the more the other person attacks that person?

This does something else when a problem arises in a relationship. Defensiveness keeps me from having to deal with it. As long as the problem is “out there” or “someone else’s fault,” I don’t have to do anything about it.

4. Stonewalling. This one is powerful in relationships, but not in a good way.

This is when you disengage. You ignore. You walk out of the room while the other person is talking. They don’t respond in a conversation; they are silent.

Stonewalling communicates that you couldn’t care less about the relationship or situation.

Stonewalling is a power move.

Stonewalling in relationships is a power move.

Click To Tweet

While men and women stone wall, studies show men more often do this.

I think for several reasons, but one is that they saw it done growing up, and men are afraid of engaging emotions in relationships.

I’ve learned in our marriage; if I want to hurt Katie deeply, I need to walk out of the room during an argument.

Do you know what they all have in common? This is important and easy to miss.

They are moves to protect ourselves in relationships. They are power moves to get what we want. But they are also how we seek to belong and find intimacy in unhealthy ways.

Power moves in relationships are ways we protect ourselves from getting hurt.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

Friday Five

by

It’s hard to believe it is summer. I’m a little over a week away from my summer preaching break and excited for some downtime with Katie and the Reich 5, to play, take some naps, explore and read some good books and have some slow days.

So, to help you with your summer travels here is my Friday Five:

Favorite book:

I recently read Tyler Reagin’s book The Life-Giving Leader: Learning to Lead from Your Truest Self. I mentioned Tyler in another Friday Five from a podcast interview I had with him. One of the things I enjoyed the most about this book is the parts about listening to your body, understanding what is happening inside of you while working and in relationships. 

I always have a novel going while I read leadership or ministry books, and I just finished Steve Berry’s new one, The Malta Exchange. I love books that involve church history (even if some of it isn’t accurate), I find it fascinating and this book, along with the series, was fantastic.

Favorite podcast:

I love all of Jim  Collins’ books, and when I saw that Tim Ferriss interviewed him, I was so excited, and this podcast episode did not disappoint. So much leadership wisdom packed into it.

The most recent Craig Groeschel leadership podcast on energy management might be his best episode yet. I love this idea and have found it to be right on in my life. This episode is a great listen for any leader (or parent) on how to know when you should do what in your life.

Favorite blog posts:

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on life stages and what happens at each life stage for a man, and it has been incredibly helpful. Helpful to see where I’ve been, where I am, and where I am going. The art of manliness had a great blog post that went with this in terms of anticipation in our lives.

Posted on

See Yourself Through God’s Love for You

by

One of my biggest struggles and I don’t think I’m alone in this is experiencing and believing God’s love for me.

And yet…

One of the strongest and clearest messages throughout the Bible is God’s love for us. We are reminded that God doesn’t forget us (even though many of us feel forgotten), that God is close to us (also though He often feels far away), and that not only has He created us in His image but He knows us, and that doesn’t scare Him away (although we always fear that the moment someone truly knows us, they’ll bolt).

And yet, many of us still struggle to believe God loves us.

We believe God loves the world. We believe that through Jesus, God will redeem and restore the world, but we have a hard time placing ourselves in that.

So we run, we hide, we put up fronts, wear masks, beat ourselves up for past mistakes, try to earn God’s love, try to prove ourselves worth God’s love, and all the while God’s love sits there.

Philip Yancey, in his book Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? shares this story: David Ford, a professor at Cambridge, asked a Catholic priest the most common problem he encountered in twenty years of hearing confession. With no hesitation, the priest replied, “God.” Very few parishioners he meets in confession behave as if God is a God of love, forgiveness, gentleness, and compassion. They see God as someone to cower before, not as someone like Jesus, worthy of our trust. Ford comments, “This is perhaps the hardest truth of any to grasp. Do we wake up every morning amazed that we are loved by God?… Do we allow our day to be shaped by God’s desire to relate to us?”

The problem for many of us is that we read verses about God’s love for the world and us (John 3:16), that Jesus loves us (John 15:9), that God predestined us in love (Ephesians 1:4 – 5), that God sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17), that God loved us first (1 John 4:19), that God draws us to himself (John 6:44). We read Paul saying over 160 times that as a follower of Jesus, we are “in Christ,” and yet we live each day as if God is disappointed in us, indifferent towards us, mildly happy with us or “likes” us.

What if, and I say what if not because it isn’t right but because we wonder if it is.

But what if, all those verses listed above, are about you and God’s love for you?

They are.

In Colossians 3:12, Paul tells us that followers of Jesus are chosen, holy ones, dearly loved.

One of the things all of us long for is to be chosen, to be wanted, to be pursued. 

Many of us have nightmares from the playground of being chosen last for the team. Anything but the last one picked.

Not being asked to prom or the banquet, not being chosen for a scholarship, grant, or job.

Levi Lusko said God didn’t get stuck with you; He chose you.

God didn’t get stuck with you; He chose you. -Levi Lusko

Click To Tweet

Holy ones carry the idea that we are set apart, different. For something to be set apart, there is care with that person or thing. To be set apart carries the idea that there is a specific purpose for us, a plan, that’s why it is set apart.

Dearly loved is exactly what it sounds like. Many of us, though read that and wonder. You are dearly loved. Not just loved, dearly loved.

This is the basis for the Christian life, God’s love for you. Not what you do, not what you can do, but what God has done for you.

The most important thing about you is that God loves you.

The most important thing about you is that God loves you.

Click To Tweet

David Benner said, “Some Christians base their identity on being a sinner. I think they have it wrong – or only half right. You are not simply a sinner; you are a deeply loved sinner. And there is all the difference in the world between the two.”